The Friendship Reestablishment
by LizzeXX
Summary: Sheldon/OC - When Sheldon's childhood best friend gets a position at Caltech, the boys and Penny are in for quite a shock when confronted with the bubbly redhead. Even more of a shock is Sheldon's reaction to her. Will Sheldon realize that he's starting to see her in a different light? Or will Penny be the only one to read between the lines? First in the Cooper-Benson Exploration.
1. The Dumpling Paradox

A/N: Hola! Lol, welcome to the first story, The Friendship Reestablishment, of my Big Bang Theory series The Cooper-Benson Exploration :) This is my first attempt at a Big Bang Theory story so I'm very excited to incorporate my OC into it :) I've written some other stories for Doctor Who, Supernatural, Sherlock, Star Trek, Thor, Merlin, Once Upon a Time, and Star Wars for anyone who might be interested ;)

This story should be about 11 chapters long and will be updated every 2 days. For example, if a chapter was posted Sunday the next one would be Wednesday and then Saturday sort of thing ;) This will also be a Sheldon/OC story but I will say right now that I have no plans to turn Amy into a jealous, cruel person as she will still feature into this story. She will approach her feelings logically and with Penny as a basis, but I will try my best not to turn her into anything that she isn't or isn't shown to have the potential to be in the show. I will try very hard to stay true to both Sheldon and Amy as much as I can while also having the history my OC will with Sheldon ;)

~8~ is a scene break.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Bang Theory...or we would have actually seen Mrs. Wolowitz at least once :)

~8~

The Dumpling Paradox

In an room on the fourth floor of an apartment building, four grown men stood around a TV, playing Halo, shouting at the monitor, the sounds of guns blasting in the background. All four men were brilliant, respected contributors to the world of science and engineering. There was an Indian man, Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali, an Astrophysicist that suffered a case of selective mutism that often came about in the form of his inability to even speak around a woman. Then there was Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, an experimental physicist, decked in a hoodie and jacket along with black rim glasses. On the end was the tall Dr. Sheldon Cooper, a theoretical physicist wearing his typical superhero t-shirt and pants. Finishing the quartet was Howard Wolowitz, an engineer from Caltech where all four men were employed, a man sporting a bowl hair cut and a fondness for 60s style clothing. All four men were truly some of the most intelligent men of their time...yet they were gathered around to play a video game, a video game that they were so invested in, they all failed to hear the door open or the voice that spoke to them from the hallway of the apartment.

"Hi guys," a woman called. She was tall, blonde, dressed in a pink killer dress and heels with three other girls beside her. It was Penny, the girl who lived across the hall from Sheldon and Leonard, the roommates who shared the apartment that the game was held in, "My friends and I got tired of dancing, so we came over to have sex with you."

"That will do, Raj, straight for the tank!" Leonard called to Raj, the four boys not even noticing the sexy women in the doorway or what they'd just offered to do…

Not even _Howard_ who was, of the four men, the one who lusted over the female sex most.

Such was the awesome power of Halo Night.

"We said no tanks!" Sheldon complained when one appeared in the game.

"There are no rules in hell!" Raj countered.

"Son of a bitch, medpack!" Howard shouted, frantic, as his character was hit, "I need a medpack!"

Penny nodded, fully having expected that reaction and looked at her friends, "Told yah," she remarked as they left.

"There's a sniper, use your rocket launcher!" Leonard continued to play, all four of them equally not noticing the door shutting as they had when it opened.

"All I've got is a needler, and I'm all out of ammo," Raj replied.

"And now you're out of life!" Sheldon cheered, just about to fire at Raj...when Leonard suddenly paused the game, "Why did you hit pause?"

Leonard just looked around a moment, frowning as though listening for something, "I thought I heard something."

"What?" Raj asked.

Leonard shrugged, "No, never mind, alright, go," and turned the game back on.

~8~

Meanwhile, in the hallway, Penny shook her head at the sounds of fire resuming, the noise carrying straight through the door and into the hall, "What did I say?" she smirked at her friends who could only shake their heads, they hadn't believed her when she'd said she lived next door to uber-geeks.

"Hey y'all," a voice called from the stairs.

They looked over to see a woman with deep red hair step up to their floor, a small rolling suitcase behind her. Her hair was in a messy bun though from the parts that had escaped it, they could tell it was semi-long, she squinted in greeting, making her grey eyes more noticeable when she opened them fully. She looked a little out of breath and more than a bit disheveled, though Penny had a suspicion it was from climbing all the godforsaken stairs to get to that floor. The woman had a white tank on, a with a grey vinyl jacket over it that seemed more like a raincoat than a normal jacket, a pair of glasses just barely poking out of the breast pocket of it. There was a teal stripped scarf that was more one of the fashionable ones instead of a winter-scarf about to fall off her neck and she'd selected a pair of dark blue jeans with some black flats on, all of which drew Penny's eye as she had quite an interest in fashion in general. The girl wasn't...bad, but she could use a bit of help in the matching department, she was getting the impression the girl had just thrown on the first thing she'd grabbed it just...didn't match as well as it could. Not terrible, but it could use improvement.

"Sorry," she smiled at them, just a little out of breath from the climb, "I heard a ruckus on my way up. What's going on?"

Penny had to smile at the girl, she had a rather lovely southern drawl about her, a little more pronounced than Sheldon's was, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

The girl gave a small nod, eyeing the door, hearing the gunshots going off within, "Let me guess, grown men so into a game of..." she winced at a particularly loud blast from within, "Halo? That they didn't notice four sexy women offering them the night of their lives?"

Penny blinked, "How'd you know?"

The girl laughed, "I've seen it happen before, sugar…" she frowned at the door a moment, her attention pulled their quite suddenly when the men inside let out a loud, angry groan at something, before pointing at it, "Sheldon Cooper wouldn't happen to be in there, would he?"

Penny nodded, surprised, "Yeah, actually he is."

The girl smirked and crossed her arms to lean on the handle of her rolling pack, "What would you say if I told you that I can not only get him to stop playing Halo, but forget about it for the rest of the night?"

Penny grinned, "I'd say you're on."

The girl laughed and rolled her suitcase up to the door of the apartment and set it to the side. She straightened before the door...and knocked quickly four times, doing four sets of it in a small rhythm.

Penny's eyes widened as she heard the gunshots cut off almost instantly and Leonard call from within, "Why'd you pause the game Sheldon?"

The girl's smirk morphed into a smile that had her teeth biting her bottom lip for a moment before calling through the door, "Shelly Bean! You'd best open this door right now and give me a hug!"

Penny gaped at that. SHELDON? Give someone a _hug_? Sheldon COOPER? Not a chance!

But then, to her surprise and the utter shock of the boys in the room, the door flew open and Sheldon was standing there, staring at the girl with wide eyes, "Claire Bear?"

She laughed, holding her arms open, "Still waiting for that hug, and you _know_ it's part of our friendship contract so don't you be tryin' to get out of it Shelly."

Penny was completely sure that hell had frozen over when Sheldon, though begrudgingly and looking rather pained and petulant, awkwardly hugged the redhead for all of 5 seconds before stepping back quickly, something that made the girl, Claire, roll her eyes.

"Oh get that sour lemon look off that face of yours," Claire nudged him in the stomach, a very particular spot that made him do a peculiar little breathy laugh that only Sheldon Cooper could manage, "You upheld your end of the contract, you _know_ I'll do the same on my end."

He just shook his head, "What are you doing here?"

He'd known it was her even before he'd opened the door. It was how she'd knocked, it was HER knock. Much like he tended to knock on a door three times and called out someone's name while he did it...three times...she did four rapid knocks four times, a very familiar rhythm from Doctor Who, a beloved show of the both of them. She had called dibs the moment she had heard that rhythm, literally called him up and claimed it before he could get a word in. He hadn't gotten a chance to hear her use it till just now. And it was wonderful.

She beamed, nearly squealing as she told him what was clearly very good news to her, "I got a job at Caltech!"

His eyes widened, actually seeming to sparkle with equal excitement, before a frown took place on his face, "Why didn't you tell me you were applying?" he crossed his arms, about an inch away from pouting though he wouldn't quite go that far in front of an audience, "I must say you are pushing the limits of the best friend agreement a little too far."

She just shook her head, not even noticing the stunned looks on the others faces when Sheldon Cooper not only claimed he had a best friend, but that it was a female one as well, "I didn't want you to be disappointed if I didn't get it."

He gave her a small, crooked, Sheldon Cooper smile, "When have you ever disappointed me Dr. Benson?"

"When I tried to help you build your own CAT scanner Dr. Cooper," she winced at the memory, poor old Snowball the Guinea Pig, may he rest in peace.

He gave another short laugh, thinking of his sister's reaction to her pet being involved, "Missy wasn't very happy."

She shook her head, focusing back to the present, and nudged him again, "Well what are you waitin' for Shelly?" she smiled, "Or are you forgetting about _my_ end of the contract!"

His eyes widened in excitement at the prospect of what that would mean, "Yes, of course," he nodded, turning to grab his coat from the nearby rack, "To the comic book store!"

It was an agreement they had. Both knew that their jobs would keep them apart, only able to visit the other a few times a year. So they'd agreed, whenever they would be able to meet up, that Sheldon would give her a hug, something he didn't particularly enjoy, if she would agree to let him show her the nearest comic book store, which she wasn't particularly fond of, preferring books over comics. Sheldon had agreed in the end, the prospect of getting more comics being too enticing to turn down over such a short amount of human contact. Really, it might be unfair to Claire more than him. His end of the agreement lasted all of 5 seconds, hers could last HOURS.

He moved to step out of the apartment, pausing when he noticed her suitcase resting beside the door, and grabbed it, setting it inside the apartment before heading off, his controller for Halo still lying on the table, the game still paused, the two sets of observers still gaping at the doorway

The boys looked at each other as the girls watched Claire go, the woman throwing a wink at them over her shoulder, impressed, when Howard said the only thing that was on all of their minds.

"What the frak?"

A/N: A very, VERY short chapter, I know :(

...which is why we're going to get a SECOND one today! ^-^ In about 2 hours we'll have another chapter up ;) I just really liked where this one ended and the general confusion that everyone is feeling, the shock, and the questions :) So we'll have much more about Claire and her story to come ;)

For a reference, I picture Claire to look something like Felicia Day ;)

And I just want to say thank you to all of you for your understanding about the lateness of posting this series. My father is on the road of being declared Cancer Free and is recovering well and it really means a lot to me the support I received from readers and the understanding of the pauses I had to take in posting. I hope to be able to resume the stories and keep them going with no interruptions from here on out. In fact, to celebrate being back, today we should be getting a new story/chapter of other works just about every 2 hours ;)

I have, unfortunately, been forced to revise my stories for 2015 :( The new schedule of what will be updated/posted in 2015 and when is on my tumblr.


	2. The Grasshopper Experiment

The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon sighed as he sat at his desk in his apartment, fiddling with a new wallet he'd ordered, Claire was behind him, on the couch, which was actually the first thing Leonard noticed when he entered…because she was sprawled out along it, but with her legs tucked to the side to avoid putting her feet on Sheldon's spot, reading an old book that he could make out as the _Canterbury Tales_.

"Hello Leonard," she called despite not having looked up.

He had only just gotten a 'hey' out of his mouth when Sheldon muttered, "Damn you, walletnook dot com."

"Problem?" Leonard shook his head, turning to Sheldon, knowing that there would be more a chance he could talk to Claire without interruption if Sheldon's 'crisis' was dealt with first.

"The online description was completely misleading, they said eight slots plus removable ID, to any rational person that would mean room for nine cards, but they don't tell you the removable ID takes up one slot, it's a nightmare."

Leonard frowned, moving closer, eyeing the IDs Sheldon was trying to fit into his wallet, "Ok, now, do you really need the honorary Justice League of America membership card?"

"Oh Shelly Bean won't give that one up for anything," Claire called, turning the page in her book, "It's been in every wallet he's owned since he was five."

"Why?" Leonard shook his head.

"Because Claire gave it to me," Sheldon remarked. She'd gotten it out of a lunch pack when they'd been in school. He'd been buying all the specific packs he could to try and get the free card, but Claire had gotten it in a streak of luck. She'd given it to him though, knowing he loved comic books more than her, "And it says keep this on your person at all times," he held it up and pointed to that very instruction as someone knocked on the door, "It's right here under Batman's signature."

Leonard rolled his eyes and moved to open the door, letting in Howard and Raj, who was holding a laptop open with his parents on screen, "And this is Leonard and Sheldon's apar…eep!" Raj quickly clammed up, seeing Claire, a woman, sitting there, his selective mutism roaring to life.

But Claire didn't even pause in her reading, just turned another page.

"Guess whose parents just got broadband," Howard deadpanned as they entered, giving a nod to Raj before grinning, "Well hello," he smiled at Claire moving to sit himself on the armrest of the couch, right by her head, "I'm Howard, Howard Wolowitz."

"And I am not interested," Claire sat up, not taking her eyes off the book as she shifted to the middle cushion so her head wasn't near his hip anymore.

"You wound me madame."

"Howard stop annoying my friend," Sheldon called, making the other three men look at him, shocked that he might have actually just shown compassion and interest in someone else's feelings, "You might run her off and then I wouldn't see her again for another 6 months!"

And there was the selfish Sheldon Cooper they knew and loved.

"Raj?" a woman's voice called from the computer, reminding them that Raj and Howard had come there for a reason, "What's going on?"

Leonard smiled apologetically at the couple as Raj held the camera up, waving, seeing Raj had gone silent, "Hi Dr. and Mrs. Koothrappali."

"Lift up the camera!" Raj's father called to him, "I'm looking at his crotch," Raj just quickly held the camera up more, "Oh, there's much better. Hi."

Leonard laughed, "Hi! I'm Leonard," he introduced, before pointing at Sheldon, "And over there is Sheldon."

"Hi," Sheldon nodded at the couple.

"And this is Claire," Leonard gestured to Claire, "His best friend who he never told us about."

"Namaste," she called, turning yet another page, not at all perturbed that Sheldon hadn't mentioned her, which was not quite the reaction Leonard was hoping for.

He was curious about this girl, but he hadn't gotten anything out of Sheldon last night save about his new comic book before he'd gone to bed, because Sheldon Cooper did not miss his bedtime, and he'd had work early so this was really the first time around Claire and he still knew almost nothing about her or how she and Sheldon had even become friends. Claire seemed to know who they all were, she'd called him Leonard before, which had to mean Sheldon had told her about them, but yet he'd said nothing about her to THEM.

"So are you all academics like our son?" Raj's father asked.

"Yes," they chorused, including Claire, which surprised the three other men, they assumed the girl must be smart, given how Sheldon interacted with (barely tolerated) Penny he wouldn't stand a 'stupid' friend, but they hadn't exactly seen her around Caltech yet so they weren't sure, they didn't even know what 'job' she'd been talking about when she first appeared last night.

"And your parents are comfortable with your limited earning potential?"

"Not at all."

Claire snorted, "I make more in a month than my parents do in a year…combined. They ain't got no reason to complain about me."

"Ah," Raj's father smiled, "A girl with drive. Very good, very good. That reminds me…Rajesh, we have good news. Put the computer down and gather your friends."

Raj put the laptop on the coffee table and sat down next to Claire who didn't budge an inch, forcing him to sit closer to Howard than he wanted to, the others crowding around him.

"Is it just me, or does web-chatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?" Howard muttered, "Ow!" he winced as Claire leaned over behind Raj and whacked him on the arm with her book.

"Watch your manners," she hissed, "Those are Raj's parents."

"Rajesh, do you remember Lalita Gupta?" Raj's mother called, not having heard him.

"You know," his father laughed as Raj shook his head frantically, "The little fat girl that used to kick you in the samosas and call you untouchable."

"Now she's a dental student at USC, so we gave her your contact information."

Raj's eyes widened and he looked very much like he wanted to reply but couldn't because Claire was still there, all that came out was a high pitched squeak.

"You're 26 years old Rajesh," his father continued, "We want grandchildren."

"Lalita's parents approve the match."

"If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid monsoon season."

"It's up to you dear, we don't want to meddle."

"Ah," Sheldon nodded, seeing what was happening from his spot, beside Claire, "The arranged marriage," he turned to his friends, "While arranged marriages are no longer the norm, Indian parents continue to have a greater than average involvement in their children's lives."

"For their own good," Raj's father nodded.

"Oh look at the time," his mother glanced at her watch, "We have to go. 'Doogie Howser' is on. Grandma!" she called to someone off screen, "It's Doogie time! Bye bye."

"Bye bye!"

Raj sighed as he shut the laptop.

"'Doogie Howser?'" was all Howard could take from that, "He's been off the air for like twenty years."

"Actually, I read somewhere that it's one of the most popular programs in India," Leonard remarked as he made his way over to the kitchen.

"It might speak to a cultural aspiration to have one's children enter the medical profession," Sheldon suggested as he joined him.

"I bet you're right."

"I bet they love Scrubs."

"What's not to love?"

Raj rolled his eyes and moved over to Howard, whispering in his ear.

"Raj is worried about his parents trying to marry him off to a total stranger," Howard announced as he and Raj made their way to the kitchen too, "He wants to know what he should do?"

"I suggest you go through with it," Sheldon shrugged.

The boys stared at him, shocked that Sheldon Lee Cooper was condoning marriage, "What?"

"Romantic love as the basis for marriage has only existed since the nineteenth century. Up until then, arranged marriages were the norm, and it served society quite well."

"Wrong!" Claire called, getting up and snapping her book shut, moving to join them in the kitchen, "Romantic love has existed since the time of Queen Elizabeth I where the notion was first introduced. She was a patron for romantic love, encouraging her people to ignore the traditions of society and marry for love instead."

Sheldon shook his head at her, "You got that from one of your books, didn't you?"

"Where else are you gonna get information Shelly?" she smirked, but added as a counter, "Seminar on Elizabethan Literature."

"You took a seminar on Elizabethan Literature?" Leonard eyed her.

"I had to in order to graduate with my degree," she replied, before noticing the blank and confused stares of the boys, she rolled her eyes, "I was an English Major in college, graduated with a bachelors in it, moved right into a PhD in Medieval Literature."

Leonard blinked and turned to Sheldon, an almost accusing tone in his voice as he cried, "YOU'RE friends with a Liberal Arts major?!"

Sheldon was _notorious_ for mocking the liberal arts, finding them to be a second rate area of study. To him, science was and should always be the most important and superior area to dedicate one's life to.

And here was his 'best friend' an advocate of it?

Claire laughed, "Wasn't always gonna be, in the end I got it JUST to annoy Shelly Bean. You can only take hearing someone talk down bout something so much before you wanna do something about it."

Sheldon rolled his eyes this time, "I convinced her to at least take SOME physics classes."

"Much like I convinced him to suffer through some Shakespeare and Chaucer courses as well…" she smiled, nudging him, "Though you DID enjoy that seminar on Tolkien I recommended."

"Ah yes," he smiled, "An entire semester devoted to _Lord of the Rings_."

"See," she laughed, "YOU can admit some books are worth reading just like I can admit some physics theories are worth a deeper look into."

"Touché."

The boys shook their heads, watching Sheldon and Claire go back and forth with Sheldon actually admitting to the positives of literature, till Raj just rolled his eyes and walked out, knowing what he needed to do…find new friends that could actually help him with his situation instead of turn it into a debate about _Lord of the Rings_.

~8~

Claire smiled as she walked with Penny over to the boys' apartment, Penny had stopped by to ask if any of them wanted to grab a bite to eat with her and she'd said she'd go, the boys having already eaten. It was nice to talk to another girl, to not have to try and keep up with Sheldon. She'd spent her whole life around him, having grown up in the same town, lived in the trailer right next to his, so she could understand him perfectly after all that time. She just sort of absorbed terms and theories because of him so she usually knew what he was trying to say when he started talking all scientific. On the side though, she _had_ also taken numerous physics classes and read up on the latest theories because it was important to him and there was nothing worse than having someone talking about something important to them and having the person they were talking to tune them out or brush it off. She didn't want to be that sort of friend, so she always made an effort to keep up to date about things like that.

Still…it was nice to talk to someone about little things like a TV show that didn't involve science fiction or gossip about certain celebrities, talk about finding a new pair of shoes.

Sheldon might have been her best friend, but she DID spend ample time with his sister Missy growing up as well. Missy really only had her as a child to play with, Sheldon scaring off the other children or ending up being picked on by them. Because of him not many people came over to Missy's for 'play dates' except her. She was one of the VERY few people that Sheldon deemed smart enough to hang around him. She tended to think he felt that way because she was the only one that didn't call him weird or a freak but tried to understand what he was talking about or ask him to explain things. It meant she was really the only girl Missy had to play with at times so she had developed a feminine side as well, much to Sheldon's horror.

Penny knocked on the door to the apartment as they got to it, pushing it open, "Hi guys!" she smiled.

"Oh, hey Penny," Leonard smiled, before realizing Penny wasn't alone, "Hi Claire."

"Hey Leonard," she nearly laughed at how she'd been an afterthought. The man was so far gone about Penny and the girl didn't even notice.

"I need some guinea pigs," Penny got right to it.

"Ok," Sheldon nodded, "There's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you could try, but if your research is going to have human applications may I suggest white mice instead, their brain chemistry is far closer to ours."

Penny blinked, "I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you."

Claire laughed, understanding that feeling all too well, it had taken her years to do the very same and there were times even SHE felt lost around Sheldon, "Don't worry Penny, I'm pretty fluent in Shedonese, I can translate for you, lord knows I've had a lifetime of experience helping his family understand him. He meant that, if you were really using actual guinea pigs to test things, like chemicals, that a mouse would be better. Their brains are more like ours."

"Right," Penny nodded, before whacking Sheldon on the shoulder, "Why couldn't you say THAT?"

Sheldon just blinked, "I did."

"What's up?" Leonard asked.

"Well, I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bar tending shift, so I need to practice making drinks," Penny smiled.

"Oh, great, well the key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition."

"With certain obvious exceptions," Sheldon remarked, "Suicide, for example."

Penny blinked and turned to Claire for help, "Practice makes perfect."

"Gotcha," she nodded, turning back to the boys, "So Leonard, how about it?"

"Look, Penny," Leonard sighed, "We'd love to help you, but Raj is going through some stuff right now. And besides, he doesn't drink, so…" Raj jumped up and whispered in his ear, "Really?" Leonard looked at Raj a bit surprised, "Um, Raj is going through some stuff right now and he'd like to take up drinking."

Penny grinned.

~8~

Claire sat beside Sheldon at the end of Penny's island counter in her apartment, various liquor bottles spread out before the blonde, some fruits, a blender, and some glasses there as well as she took orders from the boys.

"Ok, here you go, Leonard, one tequila sunrise," Penny handed it over.

"Thank you," he smiled, looking at the different colors of his drink, "This drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container…" until he saw Penny staring, "Thank you."

"Oil floats on water," Claire simplified for Penny who nodded, getting that he was talking about the weight of liquids and things or near enough.

"Ok, Raj, what'll it be?" Penny turned to him.

"Whatever you recommend," Leonard answered as soon as Raj stopped whispering in his ear.

"Uh, how about a grasshopper. I make a mean grasshopper. Ok?" he nodded, "Good. Coming up," she got to work on that but tried her hand at multitasking, "Sheldon, what are you going to have?"

"I'll have a diet coke," he replied.

"Ok, can you _please_ order a cocktail, I need to practice mixing drinks."

"Fine. I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre."

Penny gave him a less amused look than Claire was, "That's, um, rum and coke without the rum."

"Yes."

"So coke?"

"Yes. And would you make it diet?"

"There's a can in the fridge," she sighed.

"A Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge."

"Then swim to Cuba," Penny grated out.

"Bartenders are supposed to have people skills," Sheldon muttered, getting up to get the coke.

Penny rolled her eyes and looked at Claire, "How 'bout you Claire?"

Claire laughed, "How about you make at treat for yourself and pretend I ordered it," she laughed, nudging Penny, "Pretend I'm a man who's ordered a drink for you trying to hit on you."

Penny smiled, chuckling at that, it WAS rather likely to happen, "Usually the guy will order something for himself."

She shook her head, "Not a drinker, sorry sugar. Me and liquor don't get along."

"She's allergic," Sheldon explained as he sat back beside her.

"Oh my God!" Penny gasped, realizing she'd just been trying to get the girl to basically drink poison, "I'm sorry!"

"Shelly's exaggerating," Claire countered, "I've just got an intolerance for alcohol. It ain't gonna kill me, but it won't make me feel all that great if I do drink it. So just make yourself a mean treat and we'll call it even."

"You got it," she nodded, finishing up the Grasshopper, "Ok, Raj, here you go," she placed it before him, the man immediately starting to drink it down, "Alright, who's next?"

"I'd like to try a Slippery Nipple," Howard called.

"Ok, you're cut off," Penny deadpanned as Claire reached around Sheldon to pinch Howard's arm for that, "Anybody need a refill?"

"Where did my life go, Penny?" Raj started talking, completely shocking the rest of them, "One day I'm a carefree bachelor, and the next I'm married and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi."

Penny blinked, staring at him, much like everyone else was, "A…are you _talking_ to me?"

"Is there another Penny here?" he took another sip of the Grasshopper, missing her emphasis on 'talking,' "I had such plans. I had dreams. I was going to be the Indian Gandhi of particle astrophysics. But with a penis, of course."

"It's amazing," Leonard remarked, watching as Raj continued talking.

Claire quickly lifted her wrist and began to time how long it would take Raj to realize on her watch. It was a Mickey Mouse watch, Sheldon had gotten it for her for her birthday once. It was one of the prizes you could get if you mailed in box tops off cereal boxes. He'd never been one for sugary cereals, but he'd eaten five boxes worth just to send in for that box and get her one for her birthday. She'd yet to take it off or use a different watch since then.

"Ever since I was a little boy my father wanted me to be a gynecologist like him. How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the _eye_. You know what, I'm not going to let my parents control my future any longer, it's time for a showdown. Somebody give me a computer with a webcam," he got up and tried to look around for one.

"Ok, sweetie, I think that's the Grasshopper talking," Penny cut in.

"And it's about to tell my parents that I'm not riding an elephant down the aisle with Lalita Gupta," he sunk down on the couch.

"Ok, calm down," Penny moved over to him, sitting across from him on the couch, "No one can make you get married. Why don't you just meet this girl and, see what happens?"

"Haven't you been _listening_ to me, I cannot talk to women."

"Um…Raj…" Leonard began.

"No, no, let's see how long it takes him," Howard shushed him.

"Going on a minute 30," Claire told them.

"Um, Raj, honey," Penny smiled, "You say you can't talk to women but…you've _been_ talking to _me_."

"And now we'll never know," Sheldon huffed as Raj's eyes widened, Penny's words sinking in.

"You're right!" he cheered, "I…I _am_ talking to you. Hello Penny, how are you?"

"I'm fine," Penny laughed.

"Ok, now I just need to make sure I have a Lalita before I meet the Grasshopper. It's a sweet, green miracle," he took a big gulp.

"Ok, if you're going to drink on this date just promise me you won't overdo it."

"Overdo what? Happiness? Freedom? This warm glow inside of me that promises everything is going to be all hunky donkey?"

"Hunky _dory_?" Claire laughed in small correction.

"Why don't you bring her to my restaurant when I'm tending the bar so I can keep an eye on you?" Penny suggested.

Raj smiled, "Ok."

"Wait a minute," Leonard shook his head, "What's the plan here? Let's say he meets her and he likes her and they get married, what's he going to do, stay drunk for the rest of his life?"

"Worked for my parents," Howard shrugged.

"Really?" Claire looked at him, "Hasn't for mine," she shrugged as well.

~8~

Leonard and Howard were sitting at the bar of the Cheesecake Factory, Penny bartending, as they watched a drunk Raj muck up his date, making poor Lalita as uncomfortable as was humanly possible as quickly as was feasibly possible, which wasn't hard it seemed as he kept bringing up how the woman wasn't fat anymore and how people of her profession, dentistry, had a high suicide rate…

"You have a drink that'll make him less obnoxious?" Leonard asked Penny.

"Drinks do _not_ work that way," Penny shook her head.

"I'd say he was doing fine," Howard shrugged, gesturing at the beautiful woman across from Raj, "Look at her, last girl my mom set me up with had a mustache and a vestigial tail."

"Hey Penny," Claire smiled as she and Sheldon walked over, moving to sit at the bar.

"Sorry we're late," Sheldon added, though he didn't sound sorry in the slightest.

"What happened?" Leonard asked.

"Nothing," Claire reassured them in case they were worrying, "Apartment hunting took longer than I thought it would," especially with Sheldon nitpicking every single potential home for her. It was too structurally unsound, it was too far from Caltech, it wasn't a good part of the neighborhood, it was a disturbing color, the doors were a handle instead of a knob, and so many other qualms he found. The last thing she wanted was for him to visit her and constantly complain about her living quarters, so she hadn't taken any of them, "And Shelly Bean didn't want to come here in the first place. I had to bribe him with a new comic book."

Penny blinked, "You're looking for an apartment?"

She nodded, "Got that job at Caltech, just gotta get settled in first…"

"You know," Penny began, "I could use a roommate," she suggested.

"Really?" Claire's eyes widened at the prospect, it would be close to Sheldon and Caltech and the only thing he could complain about was Penny and if he begrudgingly accepted her into his small circle of friends, which it seemed he had or was doing, then he couldn't disagree that much.

"Yeah," she nodded, "It would really help if I could split the rent with someone else and my second bedroom is really just a big closet," she considered that, her apartment was small. There was the living room and kitchen area, and then a door to the back that led to three more doors, the left to the bathroom, the center to her room, and the right, often hidden from sight by the natural angle of the apartment, to the spare bedroom. It was a disaster zone at the moment, "But I can move all the stuff out of it," she nodded, more to herself than Claire, before focusing on her, "So what do you say?"

"I say Howdy Roomie!" she laughed, leaning across the bar to hug Penny as she laughed as well.

"What do you think Sheldon?" Penny looked at him.

"Virgin diet Cuba Libre please," he asked, though they could all tell that the fact he hadn't said a word against it meant he wasn't against the idea either.

Penny shook her head at his answer, though she could see he was pleased with the fact Claire would be so close, "Ok," she turned to get it.

"In a tall glass, with a lime wedge."

"Oh, I'll wedge it right in there."

"So, how's Koothrappali d…" he trailed off, spotting Raj's date, "Oh my Lord."

"What?" Leonard frowned.

"That's Princess Punchali."

Claire shook her head, probably the only one who knew what he was talking about, "From the book?"

"I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita," Leonard remarked.

"No," Claire smiled, "He means Princess Punchali, she's a character from _The Monkey and the Princess_."

"Oh, yeah, I tried to watch that online, but they wanted a credit card," Howard sighed.

Claire whacked him on the arm with a drink menu, "It's a _children's_ story, Howie."

"Ow," Howard pouted, rubbing his arm.

"When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother and Claire would read it to me," Sheldon explained.

"It's a story where an Indian princess makes friends with a monkey that all the other monkeys pick on just because he's a little different," Claire added, seeing that the boys were still confused.

"For some reason I related to it quite strongly."

"I know the reason," Penny offered.

"We _all_ know the reason," Leonard countered, "Sheldon, what are you getting at?"

"That woman looks exactly like the pictures of Princess Punchali in the book," Sheldon stared at the girl, "How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?"

"Every year at Comic Con," Howard deadpanned, "Every day at Disneyland. You can hire Snow White to come to your house. Course they prefer it if you have a kid, but…"

Claire whacked him again, "I can tell this is going to be an ongoing occurrence with you, isn't it?"

"Can't get enough of me huh?" Howard smirked at her.

She just whacked him one more time.

"Hey guys," Raj called as he walked over, clearly drunk, with a rather irritated Lalita, "This is Lalita Gupta, Lalita this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard and Claire and Penny. Isn't it great, she isn't fat anymore!"

"'Forgive me your highness, for I am but a monkey, and it is in my nature to climb," Sheldon recited what Claire knew to be a line from the book, "I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair.'"

"I'm sorry?" Lalita eyed him oddly.

"You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Punchali."

"Oh, no kidding?" Lalita started to smile, "Oh, who is that?"

"A beloved character from an Indian folk tale."

"Oh. Us-Indian," she gestured between her and Raj, "Or 'come to our casino' Indian?"

"You Indian."

"Oh."

"The resemblance is remarkable. I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair."

"Thanks," Lalita blushed, "I imagine you smell very nice too."

"I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can."

"Really, so do I!"

"But you're a dentist, he's nuts," Raj countered.

"Don't be insulting Rajesh," Lalita huffed at him, before turning a smile on Sheldon, "So, Sheldon, tell me more about this princess you say I look like."

"It was said that the Gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars, and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips," Sheldon continued.

"Oh my," Lalita breathed.

"Back off Sheldon," Raj glared.

"What?" Sheldon frowned.

"If you do not stop hitting on my lady you will feel the full extent of my wrath."

Claire snorted, "He's _not_ hitting on her."

"And I am _not_ your lady," Lalita glared at him.

"And you have no wrath," Howard added.

"You _are_ my lady," Raj argued with her, "Our parents said so. We are, for all intents and purposes, one hundred percent hooked up."

"Ok," Lalita waved a finger around, "Let's get something straight here. The _only_ reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my case, I certainly don't need to be getting this old world crap from you."

"Exactly the kind of spirit with which Princess Punchali led the monkeys to freedom," Sheldon smiled.

"Oh, screw Princess Punchali!" Raj exclaimed.

"Hey, you can't talk to me like that," Lalita rounded on him.

"But you're not Princess Punchali."

"Luckily for you, she could have you beheaded," Sheldon commented.

Lalita nodded and turned to Sheldon, "Sheldon, are you hungry?"

"I could eat," he shrugged.

"Let's go."

Raj blinked as Sheldon and Lalita wandered off, "What just happened?"

"Beats the hell out of me," Leonard muttered.

"I'll tell you what just happened," Howard smirked, "I just learned how to pick up Indian chicks."

Claire rolled her eyes and whacked him yet again.

Penny laughed at Howard's glare to Claire, "Oh we are gonna get along JUST fine, Claire."

~8~

Later that night Leonard and Claire were the only ones still at the bar, Sheldon had gone home to get his new wallet, having forgotten it, and returned as Claire had yet to give him the comic book she promised. Penny suspected it was Claire's secret way of making sure Sheldon actually hung out with them a little more, holding the prospect of another comic book hostage for another hour or two of social interaction. So Penny had offered them all a round of on the house drinks to celebrate her first successful night…

And now Sheldon was at a small keyboard off to the side of the room singing 'To Life' from Fiddler on the Roof and sipping the latest of his many Cuba Libres through a long straw, egging the crowd to join him.

"I don't believe it," Leonard watched him, stunned at how not-Sheldon like that was, "What's gotten into him?"

"Might I introduce to you both, Drunk Sheldon," Claire gestured at him, having been one of the rare few to have seen Sheldon actually drunk before.

"No way," Leonard shook his head, "He was drinking _virgin_ Cuba Libres all night!"

"Well…" Penny smirked slyly, "Maybe a couple of those virgin Cuba Libres might have been kind of _slutty_ ," she pulled a bottle of alcohol from behind the bar and wiggled it at them, the bottle was already half empty.

"You didn't!"

"Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine," Penny laughed as Sheldon finished the song, the crowd only cheering when he stopped for the night, and walked back over to them, guzzling down the last of his drink, stumbling a little.

Claire shook her head at him, "Come on, Shelly Bean," she turned to him as he leaned a little on the bar, one hand resting on her shoulder to help balance him more, still swaying even then, "We better get you home before you get sick all over the place."

"Why would I get sick?" he asked, her, his words starting to slur a little, "I feel _fine_ …see..."

And then he leaned over and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her firmly.

Penny and Leonard's mouths dropped open, their eyes widening comically as they gaped at the man who was the poster child for not wanting any human contact, actually KISSING someone!

Claire sighed as he pulled away, her hand moving to the center of his chest, patting him gently, "Oh yeah," she nodded, "Time to leave."

"But I don't wanna," he pouted.

She just got up anyway, "You know as well as I do, Shelly Bean, that when you get drunk enough to kiss me, that you're gonna be sick in less than 10 minutes. We need to get back to your apartment before that happens because if you throw up in my rent-a-car and I have to pay extra for it so help me I will _kill_ you," she reached out and took his arm, turning to lead him off, "I've got one more night in the hotel, Penny," she paused to speak to the gaping woman, "Can I swing by tomorrow to start moving in?"

Penny could just nod dumbly.

"Thanks!" she cheered, leading Sheldon off.

Penny blinked as they disappeared through a door and whacked Leonard on the shoulder, grabbing the cloth of his jacket in a tight fist, "Do you _know_ what this _means_?!"

"That _Sheldon_ just kissed someone?" Leonard shook his head, utterly stunned.

Penny gripped his jacket tighter, half tugging him towards her over the bar, "Didn't you HEAR her?" Leonard looked at her, "She said when he gets drunk enough to kiss her…" he stared at her, still not getting it, "It means he's kissed her BEFORE!"

Leonard just looked back at the door they'd left through…having a hard time imagining that despite what he'd just seen. He blinked at that thought and turned to Penny, "How much did you give ME to drink?"

Penny just laughed.

A/N: I know it may seem a little OOC for Sheldon to kiss Claire given what we know of his personality. BUT! Leonard's mother struck me as an older, female version of Sheldon when she came around and, when Penny got HER drunk, she did kiss someone too so I don't think it's TOO far a stretch to imagine it might be possible for Sheldon, when he really gets very, VERY drunk, to kiss Claire in the same manner ;) I plan to explore a lot of what Claire's friendship with Sheldon will mean for her relationships with the other people in the group, so it's a good thing we have quite a few episodes and seasons to see them grow :)

I also know that Penny's apartment is fairly small and doesn't seem able to fit another person, but I always sort of felt that with her being across the hall that maybe her apartment could fit 2 people but because it's just Penny there, we don't really see the second bedroom. So if it's really just a one-bedroom apartment, for this story, I'm tweaking it to be 2-bedrooms :) Not a very major thing, but more to give her and Penny a chance to bond too :) Claire will definitely need more gal pals to balance Sheldon lol :)

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter too :) The next one should be up on Tuesday ;)

Some notes on reviews...

I'm so sorry about your great grandmother :( My grandmother, one I dedicated my DW Angel story to, passed away of a few different cancers, never breathed a word of how bad she was feeling till it was too late :'( But as for the story, we won't be getting any solid flashbacks, but we'll have references to past moments along with detailed rememberings of them :)


	3. The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Claire was sitting on the armrest of the couch of Sheldon's apartment, beside Sheldon himself as he sat in 'his spot,' her arm casually braced on the back of the couch for balance, watching as Leonard hooked something up to a lamp, "Ok," he called, "The X10s are online."

It had taken a few days to move her things into Penny's apartment, not that she had a lot of stuff to bring, it was just that she kept changing her mind about where to put it. Her room was all set up and she'd put all her belongings in there, the boys had even helped carry some boxes up from downstairs. Even Sheldon! Though that was because she had given him her box of comic books and told him the reason was because he, of all people, would understand their importance and guard them with his life on the quest up the four flights of stairs to her new room. She'd waited till he'd gotten up the stairs and turned the corner before huffing to Penny that she really didn't care for the comics at all but they were all the ones Sheldon had ever given her and she couldn't bring herself to throw them out or not display them when she knew Sheldon would be there. After it had all gotten into her room she'd tried to find places for her things, and managed it...four times over.

She really was indecisive, regularly had to carry a coin in her pocket for when she truly couldn't decide something and would flip it for help. It was one reason why she and Sheldon had the friendship they did. He always had some sort of schedule or choice already made, a pattern to things, and made decisions based on logic...she, on the other hand, would fret over them and go back and forth and back and forth till she either gave up or made a choice and then later regretted it or had both choices fall through. She relied on Sheldon a lot more than she let on, he took the decision making out of her life with his schedules and systems for things. That wasn't to say she let him control all her decision, if she strongly disagreed with something he wanted to do she'd voice it, equally Sheldon wouldn't always make the decisions. If it was something in his life that she was joining in on, like having dinner with him on pizza night, she'd have pizza, it was his decision that it would be pizza that night. But if it was something in HER life, all Sheldon would do was offer his opinion on what should be done or help her make a pro and con list to sort out her decisions.

He was patient with her in a way most others weren't, which was why she tried to be patient with him too. They both had their quirks, though she seemed to handle and hide hers better than he did.

And now, thinking of her room...she probably should move her lamps somewhere else when she went back to Penny's. She'd just stopped in to tell Sheldon that she'd finally gotten her room set up, knowing he'd understand how big a thing that was to her whereas the others would brush it off...and now she was second guessing her room again.

"Gentlemen, and lady," Howard winked at Claire from where he sat before a laptop, pulling her from her thoughts and making her roll her eyes at him, "I am now about to send a signal from this laptop through our local ISP, racing down fiber-optic cable at the speed of light to San Francisco, bouncing off a satellite in geosynchronous orbit to Lisbon, Portugal, where the data packets will be handed off to submerged transatlantic cables terminating in Halifax, Nova-Scotia, and transferred across the continent via microwave relays back to our ISP and the X10 receiver attached to this…" he clicked the mouse and, a moment later, the lamp Leonard had tinkered with turned on, "Lamp!"

The boy started to cheer and clap, thrilled that their little experiment had worked while Claire just smiled at their excitement. She'd gotten lost somewhere in Howard's excited technobabble, but she understood enough to gather what they'd done. And it _was_ impressive, she'd give them that, but still…a lamp? If they'd made the room light up like there was a poltergeist there she might be a little more in awe.

"Look at me, look at me, I've got goose bumps!" Sheldon held out his arm to her for her to see.

"Very nice Shelly," she smiled at him.

"Are we ready on the stereo?" Howard asked as Raj nodded. He clicked the mouse and, a few seconds later, Sprach Zarathustra began to play.

Claire watched as, with every climactic note, the boys started to stand and straighten, before jumping into the air and banging on invisible drums in time with the rather loud music. She actually winced as a loud drumbeat went off right by her ear, dreading what was coming next. She didn't do well around loud noises, it always gave her a headache...and she could already feel one forming. She looked over when she saw the door open and Penny standing there, staring at them, incredulous, and breathed a sigh of relief at the thought that she might have a polite-out now. She hadn't been able to turn down Sheldon when he'd asked her to stay and see what they were doing, but she might be able to leave now without hurting his feelings.

Well, she could really leave without Penny now. Sheldon knew how she got with headaches, how irritable she could be, he'd want her to go get medicine over her staying there with him. Which, thinking about it, was just as bad to let him know she had a headache. She didn't care for pills and medication, that was Sheldon's area, and he'd likely try to bring her medicine over and talk her into swallowing the pills down and she'd rather avoid that too. So Penny was probably the best option.

Penny caught Claire's eye and the girl could only shake her head at them, her face a little scrunched, showing her own discomfort to the music.

"Hey guys…" Penny called.

"Hello," the responded, immediately stopping their actions, embarrassed.

"It's a little loud."

"No problem, turning it down," Howard turned back to the laptop, typing in a small command, clicking the mouse, "San Francisco, Lisbon, Halifax…" he smiled as the music grew softer, "Et voila."

"Ok, thanks," Penny turned to go when Leonard called out.

"Hang on, hang on, do you not realize what we just _did_?"

"Yeah," she nodded, turning back around, "You turned your stereo down with your laptop."

"Nooo," Sheldon tsked, "We turned our stereo down by sending a signal _around the world_ via the internet."

"Oh. You know you can just get one of those universal remotes at Radio Shack, they're really cheap."

Leonard laughed and smiled, "No, no, no, you don't get it, um, Howard, enable public access."

Howard clicked the mouse, "Public access enabled."

They looked around the room, silent, waiting…

"Boy," Penny nodded, "That's...brilliant, but I'll see you."

"No, hang on, hang on," Leonard called again, stopping her, just as the lamp went on and of, "See!"

"No."

"Someone in…" Sheldon leaned over to look at the laptop, "Szechuan Province, China is using his computer to turn our lights on and off."

"Huh, well that's handy. Um, here's a question, why?"

Claire chuckled, "Why not?"

"Because we can," the boys nodded, when there was a sort of whirring noise.

"They found the remote controlled cars!" Sheldon cheered as four small robotic cars began to move, right towards Penny.

"Well, wait, wait, what's on top of them?" Penny squinted, seeing something affixed to their tops.

"Wireless webcams, wave hello," Leonard smiled as Penny waved.

Howard clicked through the laptop, looking at the readings, "The monster truck is out of Austin, Texas, and the blue Viper is being operated from suburban Tel Aviv."

"You may want to put on slacks," Sheldon added, looking at the web feed.

"What?" Penny frowned, before noticing a red corvette was trying to get between her legs and look up her skirt, "Ew, stop it, no, leave me alone!" she turned and ran out of the room.

"Who's running the red Corvette?" Leonard asked.

Howard smirked, "That would be me."

Claire whacked him on the arm as she got up.

"Ow…"

"You're a pig, Howard," Claire deadpanned, walking out of the apartment, rubbing her head once the door was shut behind her. She smiled a bit, hearing Sheldon scolding Howard for 'driving her off' and sighed. Maybe she should get some aspirin or something, her head was pounding now.

~8~

Penny and Claire followed Leonard into his room later that day. Apparently he'd gotten a notice that a paper he and Sheldon had written was to be presented to a group of physicists, but Sheldon had thrown the notice out with the intention not to go. Leonard had disagreed and they'd fought about it, now Leonard was determined to go and present their findings himself, with or without Sheldon's blessing.

Which meant that he needed an outfit to wear…and had asked Penny and Claire for help, seeing they were more fashionable than he was. Claire had refused, saying she wore her clothes for comfort and not fashion, which Penny agreed with (though apologized for, but both women could admit Claire's fashion sense was rather lacking in terms of what actually matched and looked good) but she'd go for the amusement of watching Penny sort through Leonard's closet. She knew EXACTLY what sort of closet a physicist like Leonard or Sheldon had and she couldn't wait to see Penny's reaction to it since the girl had agreed to help.

Claire walked right over to a small desk in Leonard's room and sat down, starting to read the book she'd brought with her, 'Piers Plowman,' while Penny made her way to the closet. She didn't want to be rude and read her book while Penny was helping Leonard, but, well, her head was still hurting from earlier and, as she refused to take the aspirin she'd considered, the next best thing was a distraction and the best one, for her, was reading.

"So, how's it going with Sheldon, are you guys still not talking to each other?" Penny asked, sifting through the clothes.

"Not only is he still not talking to me, but there's this thing he does where he stares at you and tries to get your brain to explode," Leonard sighed.

"Like in 'Scanners?'" Claire asked, not even looking up, just putting a finger to her forehead in a mimic of the movie.

He laughed and nodded, "Exactly," he smiled at that, it was nice to have a girl who knew Sci-Fi like Claire did hanging around. He was about to discuss it more with her, when he saw Penny's confused look, "Never mind. How about this one?" he reached into his closet and pulled out a scarlet/maroon suit, "It says, 'I know my physics, but I'm still a fun guy!'"

Penny tried not to grimace, "Oh, hey, I didn't know they still made corduroy suits!"

"They don't, that's why I saved this one."

"Ok..." she nodded, "Well, let's just see what _else_ you have," she took the suit from him and put it on the closet door for later "Ok, here, take this," she pulled out a shirt, "And this," and another, "And this," and another, "And these," before pulling out the other half of shirts that were in there.

"Is this all stuff you want me to try on?"

"I think it's more all stuff she'd want you to burn," Claire called, not even needing to look up to know what Penny had selected and why. If she had a dime for every superhero or comic themed shirt Sheldon had, she'd have been able to rent her own apartment. And the worst part was, he organized them in such a way that if she even tried to sneak one out and get rid of it or put a different shirt in there, he'd know. Not that she ever tried to, she understood those were the shirts and styles he preferred to wear. He didn't harp on her use of polka dots and stripes so why would she critique his superhero shirts?

"Oh."

"Seriously," Penny agreed, turning back to the closet, "I was gonna say get rid of them…but not even _charities_ would take them. You wouldn't be helping anyone. What's this…" she frowned, pulling out what looked like half a liter soda bottle with a white sculpture inside.

Claire glanced up at that, "The bottled City of Kandor."

Penny stared at her, "What?"

"Kandor was the capital city of the planet Krypton," she sighed, closing her book a moment, "It was miniaturized by Brainiac before Krypton exploded and then rescued by Superman."

Penny blinked.

"Sheldon is my best friend," Claire offered as explanation, "Even though comic's arent' really my thing, I was still _quizzed_ on this stuff."

She nodded, that seemed like something Sheldon would do.

"It's a lot cooler when girls aren't looking at it," Leonard muttered.

"Here," Penny handed it over to him along with a pair of pants, "Why don't you put these on while I find a shirt and sport-coat to match."

"Great, be right back!" he turned to go.

"Well, where you going, just put them on," Penny shook her head.

Leonard paused, mid-turn, "Here?"

"Oh, are you shy?" Penny teased.

"No, I'm not shy."

"Don't worry, I won't look."

"I won't either Leonard," Claire promised, having returned to her book, "Believe me, I've seen Shelly pantsed more times than I'd care to remember, it's nothing I haven't seen before nor would want to see again."

Leonard cleared his throat, flustered, "I know you two won't look, why would you look? There's nothing to see, well, not _nothing_ …"

"Sweetie, put the pants on," Penny cut in, turning back to the closet.

"Putting them on," Leonard agreed, moving to do that.

"So, you know, isn't there maybe some way you and Sheldon could compromise on this whole presentation thing?"

"No. No. Scientists do not compromise. Our minds are trained to synthesize facts and come to inarguable conclusions. Not to mention, Sheldon is bat-crap crazy."

"Please tell me you AREN'T just realizing that Leonard," Claire called, though there was a teasing note in her voice. She wouldn't call Sheldon that, but even she could admit he was eccentric, very eccentric.

Penny paused in her searching, coming across a tan uniform jumpsuit sort of thing, "What is this?" she turned as Leonard finished doing up his pants.

"Oh, careful…" he reached out to take it, "That's my original series…"

"Battlestar Galactica flight suit," Claire finished, glancing up.

"Oh, why didn't you wear it at Halloween?" Penny shook her head.

"Because it's not a costume, it's a _flight suit_ ," Leonard said simply.

Penny gave Claire an 'is he being serious?' look and Claire could only nod, she'd seen Sheldon act the same with his own 'costumes.'

"Ok," Penny shook her head, turning back to the closet, "Alright, moving on, oh, wow," she pulled out the worst shirt she had ever seen in a man's closet, and that was taking into consideration her entire family, "A paisley shirt."

"Uh huh," Leonard smiled, taking it, "It goes with my corduroy suit."

"If you mean it should end up in the same place then, I agree," she pulled out another hanger…with a single tie hanging from it, "Is this your...your _only_ tie?"

"Ah. Technically yes, but, if you'll notice, it's reversible. So it works as _two_."

"Oh, sweetie," Penny sighed, pitying him, "I don't think it even works as one."

"Try a bowtie," Claire offered, "Bowties are cool."

"Is this _all_ your clothes?" Penny eyed the nearly empty closet, the remaining clothes just as bad.

"Yeah," Leonard nodded, "Everything since the eighth grade."

"The… the eighth grade?"

"Let me guess," Claire called, closing her book and resting it on her lap, a small smile on her face, her headache was easing up and it was putting her in a more sociable mood, "Your last growth spurt?"

"How'd you know?" Leonard turned to her.

She just shook her head and got up, Penny understanding that Sheldon had probably done the same thing.

"Ok, well, I guess we're back to the corduroy suit," Penny sighed.

Leonard beamed, "Great!"

"Yup," she looked back at the closet, when Leonard picked up the paisley shirt, "I said no, put it down."

~8~

That night, Penny had gone down to the main floor for the mail, smiling as she saw Sheldon there as well, "Hey Sheldon!"

"Hello Penny," he greeted, opening his mailbox before glancing back at her, "Where's Claire?"

"She's upstairs making some dinner," she shrugged, "Just getting our mail."

"How is it working out?" he asked after a moment, "Being roommates?"

Penny smiled, seeing the concern in his words, he was worried about his friend, "Aww," she smiled, though she stopped when he gave her a flat look, "Don't worry Sheldon, we get along great actually. I really like her. She's fun for a smart girl."

"I'm sorry she's not 'smart,'" Sheldon frowned at the word, "She's a genius. My mother talked her mother into letting her be tested with me."

Penny held up her hands in surrender, "Ok," she opened her mailbox, pulling out her letters, "You get anything good?"

"Uh, just the latest copy of 'Applied Particle Physics Quarterly,'" he held up the journal.

"Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't," she remarked teasingly, but he just looked at her confused, "It was a joke," Sheldon gave a fake laugh, "Yup, tip your waitresses, I'm here all week."

Sheldon rolled his eyes as they headed to the stairs, "Penny, just to save you from further awkwardness know that I'm perfectly comfortable with the two of us climbing the stairs in silence."

"Oh yeah, me too," Penny nodded, "Zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket," she was quiet only a moment before adding, "So you and Leonard…"

"Oh dear God!" he groaned.

"Little misunderstanding, huh?"

"A little misunder…Galileo and the Pope had 'a little misunderstanding.'"

Penny blinked, not having a clue what he was going on about, "Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this morning and I think he feels really bad about it."

"Huh."

"Well how do _you_ feel?"

"I don't understand the question."

"Well I'm just asking if it's difficult to be fighting with your best friend."

"But I'm not fighting with Claire," he shook his head, still not understanding.

"Alright…" Penny nodded, having to smile at that at least, it was sweet to see Sheldon actually considering another human being a friend, "It has to be awkward fighting with your _roommate_ , you have to live together after all."

"Oh," Sheldon considered her words, "I hadn't thought about it like that. I wonder if I've been experiencing physiological manifestations of some sort of unconscious emotional turmoil."

"Wait…" Penny blinked, trying to interpret what he'd said but it escaped her, "What?"

"I couldn't poop this morning."

She shook her head, _not_ needing to know that, "You should just _talk_ to him, I'm sure you guys can work this out."

"It's certainly preferable to my plan."

"Which was?"

"A powerful laxative."

"Ok," she cut in again as they reached the fourth floor, "So you absolutely _should_ talk to him. Look, I know Leonard values you as a friend and he told me himself that, without your little idea, there's no way he could have come up with this whole experiment thing."

Sheldon paused, about to unlock the apartment door and turned to her, "Excuse me, _little idea_?"

"Yeah," Penny shrugged, "I mean he tried to explain it to me, I didn't really understand it. I'm waiting for Claire to get back to me on it…"

"Of course you didn't understand it," Sheldon brushed that part off, focusing on the bigger concern, "He said _little idea_?"

"Uh," Penny floundered, sensing that probably hadn't been the best word choice, "Well no, no, not in…not in those words..."

"In what words then, exactly?"

"Um, gee, the exact words aren't written…it's more the spirit in which it's…"

"What did he say?!"

"You had a lucky hunch," she winced.

"Hey Sheldon," Leonard called, choosing the WORST time to leave the apartment, "I've been thinking, instead of arguing about this why don't we…"

"Don't you _ever_ speak to me again!" Sheldon stormed past him, slamming the door.

"What…" Leonard pointed at it.

"Uh, he…" Penny began, before making an 'insane' motion and rushing to her apartment, closing the door quickly and leaning against it.

"Everything alright Pen?" Claire called, seeming a little frazzled herself as she opened the garbage and dumped in something from a pot.

Penny eyed it a moment, not even able to recognize the stir-fry Claire said she was going to make in the blackened and charred remains inside the pot. That...how did that even happen? Claire had JUST been putting the food onto the pan when she'd left to get the mail and it was burned already?

"Need a hand there?" she slowly walked towards Claire, noting that the girl had actually taped a Tupperware container over the fire sprinkler and had the windows open to get the smoke out of the apartment.

"Sorry," Claire winced, "I...probably should have mentioned before I moved in that I could burn water, right?"

"Yeah, just a little..." Penny eyed the food at the bottom of the garbage, "Didn't anyone ever teach you how to cook?"

"No," Claire said bluntly, "My mama ain't really the teaching type," she shrugged, "Survived mostly on TV dinners and cereal."

"You can't cook anything?"

"Soup," Claire offered, actually seeming to really be thinking of it, "Grilled cheese, if I'm not distracted or in a rush, and...um...oh!" she snapped her fingers, "A salad!"

"A salad isn't really cooking, sweetie," Penny gave her a small laugh for that.

"Yeah, I know," Claire sighed, "I'm really...hopeless around a stove."

Penny considered it a moment, "I'll make you a deal," she began, "I'll help teach you to cook more than soup, if you help me understand what the hell Sheldon and Leonard and the others talk about half the time."

"You got yourself a deal," Claire reached out to shake Penny's hand.

"Ok," she tossed the mail onto the counter, "What happened with Galileo and the Pope?"

Claire laughed, "Where did THAT come from?"

"Something Sheldon said," she waved it off.

"Right," Claire nodded, "Galileo kept saying the Earth revolved around the sun, the Pope believed everything revolved around the Earth. Eventually one thing led to another and the Pope had him banished."

Penny stared, "That's it?"

"That's it."

"Huh," Penny remarked, she'd expected this whole complex thing…but that was what Sheldon made her believe, because that was Sheldon. This was Claire, "Thanks," she smiled, "I really like how you make things simple. Makes me feel less dumb."

Claire reached out and took Penny's hand, squeezing it, "You are NOT dumb, sugar," she told her earnestly, "Believe me, I've SEEN dumb and you aren't it. My brother," she laughed, "Dumber than a bag of rocks."

Penny laughed.

"No, I'm serious," she deadpanned, "He took an IQ test with Sheldon and me once, Shelly recreated the test and we threw rocks at it…the rocks scored higher than my brother did."

"Wow," Penny had to smile at that, before Sheldon's words came back to her, "What did you score?"

"Pardon?" Claire looked up from where she'd gone back to trying to scrape some of the stuck on burned bits off the pan.

"Another thing Sheldon said, that you were a genius? He got really mad when I called just 'smart,'" she used quotey fingers for that.

Claire gave a fond shake of the head at that, "I'm not a full blown genius like Shelly, I just scored higher than most people do on tests like that. So you can understand Shelly's annoyance when I chose to focus my education on literature instead of science, a 'waste of potential' he called it."

"What'd you say to that?" Penny lifted an eyebrow, she hadn't heard Sheldon say anything bad about Claire since the girl showed up, she couldn't quite see him saying Claire was wasting her potential to the girl's face.

"I just reminded him that all the things he liked, all his superheroes and adventure stories, all of it came from a woman who focused on literature."

"Shut up," Penny's mouth fell open, "Really?"

Claire nodded, "First ever superhero? Written by a girl. First every science fiction story? Written by a girl. First ever piece of literature? By a girl. So unless he wanted to say all them superheroes he likes so much and all those science books he had to read were a waste of potential, when they wouldn't even exist if some literature-minded woman hadn't started it all off, he'd best take it back."

"Did he?"

"We're still friends, aren't we?"

"Huh," Penny shook her head at that, "Never thought I'd ever hear about Sheldon Lee Cooper backing down from something."

"You just gotta know the right thing to say," Claire shrugged, "And speaking of...what was all that in the hall?"

"I might have accidently told Sheldon that Leonard thought he'd had a lucky guess on their paper."

"Ooh," she winced.

"I know, not a great thing to say huh?"

"Not to Shelly."

"He's really mad at Leonard now. Refuses to talk to him."

Claire sighed, "He'll get over it eventually. Trust me. He can only stay silent when something's annoying him for so long."

~8~

Claire opened the door to the boys' apartment the next day, her and Penny ready to go to the presentation, Leonard having offered to give them a ride if they wanted to go, "Leonard, ready to go?" Penny asked.

"Libido 1, truth zero," Sheldon muttered, confusing them.

"Ok, I'm going to ask you one more time, we did the work together, lets present the paper together," Leonard turned to Sheldon.

"And I'm telling you, for the _last_ time, it's pandering, it's undignified, and bite me."

"Let's go," Leonard sighed, moving over to Penny.

"Bye Sheldon," Penny called.

"Goodbye Penny."

"See you later Shelly Bean," Claire waved, moving to close the door after them.

"Et tu, Claire?" Sheldon turned in his seat to frown at her, a look of betrayal on his face.

"What?" she laughed.

"You're going too?"

She rolled her eyes, "Knowing you Shelly, I'll see you there," and then she closed the door.

~8~

Penny smiled as she clipped Leonard's nametag onto the lapel of his regrettably still-corduroy suit, "There you go."

"You're right, this side does look better," Leonard nodded, looking down at it.

Claire smiled, "She didn't say better, she said that side had less stains on it," she reminded him.

"I just checked the house," Howard called, coming over, he and Raj having met them there in support of their friend, "There's probably 20, 25 people in there."

Leonard gaped, "You're kidding!"

"Is that all?" Penny frowned.

"In the world of Particle Physics, Pen," Claire shook her head, "25 is like a sold out Broadway show."

"It's practically Woodstock!" Leonard agreed.

"Oh," Penny nodded, "Well, then good!"

"I wasn't expecting such a crowd," Leonard started to shift a bit, "I'm a little nervous."

"It's ok, just open with a joke, you'll be fine," Howard offered.

He nodded, thinking, "A joke. Ok. How about this, um, ok, uh there's this farmer, and he has these chickens, but they won't lay any eggs. So, he calls a physicist to help. The physicist then does some calculations, and he says, um, I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens in a vacuum!" Raj and Howard burst out laughing as Claire smiled, "Right?" he looked at Penny, who was staring blankly at him.

"Oh, sorry, I've just...I've heard it before," she offered an unsure smile.

"Let's roll," Howard gestured to the doors, "Hey, nice suit."

Leonard smiled as he walked past, "It's a classic, right?"

Penny just looked at Claire pleadingly.

"The point is that physicists will try to make things simple," Claire explained quietly, "Especially their calculations, in order to figure out a problem…even though, in the bigger picture, the same calculations won't work when the numbers become complex again."

"...I still don't get it," Penny sighed.

"Neither do I," Claire admitted, she only knew it because Sheldon had told her the same joke before and she'd googled it.

~8~

Penny was frowning as she tried to follow Leonard's presentation, Claire whispering what explanations she'd managed to gleam as he went.

"So, in conclusion," Leonard finished up, "The data shows that at temperatures approaching Absolute Zero, the moment of inertia changes, and the solid becomes a super-solid, which clearly appears to be a previously unknown state of matter."

The crowd clapped.

"The colder it gets, the more solid it becomes," Claire simplified.

"Got it," Penny nodded, clapping too.

"Thank you," Leonard smiled, "Are there any questions?"

Claire looked around at the crowd to see who might be more likely of the group to have a question...and sighed when something caught her eye, "I knew it."

"What?" Penny looked at her as Claire turned back around.

"Wait for it…"

"Yeah," a voice that sounded like Sheldon's called out, "What the hell was that?"

"Any _other_ questions?" Leonard sighed, realizing it wasn't just a voice LIKE Sheldon's but it actually WAS Sheldon.

"Oh this isn't going t be good…" Claire rubbed her head.

Howard glanced at her, confused for a moment, but took out his camera phone, guessing that whatever Claire thought Sheldon was going to do that would make her a little embarrassed for him had to be gold to get a recording of.

Sheldon stood, taking off the hood and sunglasses he'd donned to sneak in, "Dr. Sheldon Cooper here, I am the _lead_ author of this particular paper," the crowed just looked at him, "Thank you. And you, sir," he turned to Leonard, "You have _completely_ skipped over the part where I was walking through the park and I saw these children on a merry-go-round, which started me thinking about the moment of inertia in gases like helium at temperatures approaching Absolute Zero."

Penny looked at Claire who shrugged, "Gases speed up when they get cold."

"I didn't _skip_ it, it's just an anecdote," Leonard rolled his eyes, "It's not science."

"Oh, I see, was the apple falling on Newton's head, was that just an anecdote?" Sheldon retorted.

"I got that one," Penny muttered, putting a hand on Claire's arm to stop her simplifying it for her.

"You are _not_ Isaac Newton," Leonard shook his head at Sheldon.

"No, no that's true, gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple," Sheldon agreed.

"You cannot _possibly_ be that arrogant."

Claire snorted, he didn't know Sheldon.

"You continue to underestimate me, my good man."

"Look, if you weren't happy with my presentation then maybe you should have given it with me."

"As I have explained, repeatedly, unlike you, I don't need validation from lesser minds," he looked at the crowd, "No offense."

"Really," Leonard crossed his arms, challenging him, "So why did you come?"

"Because I knew you'd screw this up!"

"I didn't screw it up!"

"Oh, please," Sheldon huffed, "I admit, that spherical chicken joke, that was hilarious. But it was straight downhill from there."

"I've had _enough_ of your condescension," Leonard shouted, "Maybe I didn't go to college when I was 11 like you, maybe I got my doctorate at 24 instead of 16, but you are _not_ the only person who is smarter than everyone else in this room! No offense," he offered to the other physicists.

"Of course I'm not," Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Claire's sitting right there, and she's smarter than them even WITH her degree being in the liberal arts…no offense," he added, more to Claire who waved it off, than the others.

"And I am clearly not the only person who is tormented by insecurity and has an ego in need of constant validation!" Leonard continued.

"So you admit that you're an egotist!" Sheldon cheered.

"Yes," Leonard turned to the audience, "My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, and I could never please my parents so I need to get all my self-esteem from strangers like you. But _he's worse_!" he pointed at Sheldon.

"Ok, that is it," Sheldon pressed his fingers to his temples, his face scrunching in concentration, trying to make Leonard's head explode a-la 'Scanners.'

"You cannot blow up my head with your mind!"

"Then I'll settle for an aneurysm!"

Leonard smacked his hands down, "Stop it!"

"You hit me!" he turned to the audience, to Clair, pointing at Leonard as though tattling on him, "You saw him, he hit me."

"You were trying to blow up my head," Leonard defended.

"So it was working!" Sheldon grinned.

"It wasn't! It was not! You are a nutcase!"

"Oh we'll see about that," Sheldon tried again, "Heads up you people in the front row, this is a splash zone."

Claire shook her head, pressing her hand to her face, even though she knew something like this might happen, especially with how Sheldon could get when things didn't go his way, she hadn't quite been expecting something like THIS...oh Sheldon.

"Stop, stop it, quit it!" Leonard started to smack Sheldon's hands down…so Sheldon did the same…and pretty soon they were in an all out nerd-brawl, rolling around on the floor, flailing, and barely managing to actually strike each other in their weak slaps, and yet both still hammed it up.

"Is this usually how these physics things go?" Penny frowned at Howard.

"More often than you'd think," he remarked, still recording it all.

"Vulcan nerve pinch!" Leonard shouted, pinching Sheldon's neck.

Claire sighed and looked at the others, knowing Howard and Raj wouldn't be likely to miss this, so she turned to Penny instead, "Want to go find the cafeteria till they're done?"

Penny glanced at the two geniuses on the ground and shrugged, "I could eat," before the two of them got up and left the men to their devices.

~8~

Leonard entered the apartment with Claire, he had driven her to the presentation and they'd just got back now, she was worried about Sheldon so she'd come to check on him, which ended up meaning Leonard was dragged along as it was his apartment too.

And there he was, sitting at his desk, "You could have offered me a ride home," Sheldon remarked.

"You're lucky I didn't run you over!" Leonard exclaimed.

"I really don't understand what you're so unhappy about," Sheldon stated dryly, "You begged me to come, I came, there's just no pleasing you."

"Shelly..." Claire said mock-warningly, shaking her head.

"You're right, _I'm_ the problem, _I'm_ the one that needs help," Leonard rolled his eyes.

"Well that's not much of an apology, but I'll take it," Sheldon shrugged, not catching the sarcasm.

"Shelly," Claire warned again.

"Excuse me," Leonard scoffed, "Is there anything _you'd_ like to apologize for?"

"Not that I can think of," Sheldon remarked.

"Shelly Bean," Claire gave him a look, one he recognized all too well from his mother.

"Oh dear lord," he muttered, "You've been spending time with my mother haven't you?"

Claire rolled her eyes, " _Sheldon_."

He sighed at her tone of voice, turning to Leonard, "I'm sorry I tried to blow up your head. It was uncalled for."

The door opened and Howard walked in with Raj, "You won't believe this!" Howard exclaimed…when Raj whispered in his ear, "Raj says 'Somebody got the whole thing on a cell phone and put it on youtube.'"

"What?" Leonard gaped.

"Now, who would do that?" Sheldon frowned.

Howard though, smirked, "That would be me. Hey, check it out, it's a featured video," he pulled over Leonard's laptop and played the footage.

"Oh jeez," Leonard groaned, "Does this suit _really_ look that bad?"

"Yes," Claire deadpanned.

"Forget your suit, look at my arms waving, I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin!" Sheldon shook his head.

"Howard," Penny called as she entered, holding up her phone, "Would you like to explain to me why your FaceBook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder in the car captioned 'Me and my _Girlfriend_?'"

"Uh oh," Howard sighed, "Here comes 'the talk.'"

Penny's eyes narrowed and she pressed her fingers to her head, trying to make his brain explode like Sheldon had Leonard.

Claire laughed, "Come on Pen," she walked over to the door, "Shelly taught me a trick or two, I might be able to get into Howard's account and get it off."

Howard turned in the chair, "You can't do that, it's password protected," he leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head, smug, "You'll never crack my code."

She just smirked and walked back to him, leaning over to whisper something in his ear.

He sat up straight, his eyes wide as she laughed and walked out, "Ok…so maybe she CAN."

A/N: I always felt like Penny was a decent cook in the show, at least in the sense that she won't burn down her apartment, and when the OC popped into my head not being able to cook I was like, that would be a good bonding process for them :)

I just have to say, you guys! I'm am so completely and totally blown away by the response to the story! :') Like I literally don't look at reviews till right before I post so that I can answer some in my notes section and I started tearing up a little when I saw how many there were :') I really am so happy that you're all enjoying it so far and I'm really going to try my best to give you an interesting story with a good OC. You all are just amazing, I love you all :')

Some notes on reviews...

Thank you for pointing it out! I've gone back and made a tweak to it where Claire's called dibs on the knock the second she heard it in the episode ;) Thank you!

Sheldon will still be big on no-germs, but Claire is aware of his quirks, so there may be some hand touching and other things if a bit of hand sanatizer is used ;)

This story starts in Season 1 and each new story after will be a separate season ;)

Ooh I have something planned for Sheldon's drunk kissing ;) I can say though that, because Sheldon doesn't drink often, and he has to get VERY drunk in order to kiss Claire, his memory of events isn't the best the day after. But we'll have references to the kiss to come and a point where he's informed of how he acts when he's drunk too ;) Oh but for Penny, I can say that she'll start to ship them pretty soon ;)

Penny will definitely have plans for Claire and Sheldon yup ;) I can say that a title for a future story of the series will relate to Penny's attempts at nudging them closer ;) As for Penny and Leonard, Claire will be quite observant about Leonard's feelings for Penny yup ;)

I'm so sorry for your loss :'( My deepest condolences to you and if there's ever anything I can do or if you feel the need to just talk or anything, please don't hesitate to contact me here or on tumblr or anything!


	4. The Loobenfeld Decay

The Loobenfeld Decay

"See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists, due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2," Leonard was saying as he and Sheldon walked into their apartment building.

"Ok, then riddle me this," Sheldon countered, "Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor...why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite, hot, 17 year-old killer robot?"

"Skynet is kinky?" Leonard shrugged, "I don't know."

"Artificial intelligences do _not_ have teen fetishes."

"Alright, oh wait, they use it to infil…"

Sheldon made a buzzing noise, smirking, "Too late, I win."

"Let's gooo ooooout tonight," they heard from up the stairs, someone singing, badly, horribly really, "I have to goooo oooooout tonight."

"What the hell is _that_?" Leonard frowned.

Sheldon looked up the stairs, "I don't know, but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too," he muttered as they made their way up the stairs.

"You wanna prowl, be my night owl," the person continued to sing as Leonard and Sheldon ran back down the stairs, heading for the main doors, trying to escape before the person reached the main floor, but it was too late.

"We'll take my…" Penny appeared, the source of the singing, Claire behind her, subtly pulling earplugs out of her ears while Penny's back was to her, the plugs hidden by her hair hanging around her face, "Hey guys, hi! Where you going?" she asked as Claire snuck past her to get their mail.

"What?" Leonard asked, caught by the door and having to shut it so Penny wouldn't know they were trying to flee her singing instead of coming in, "Oh we just had to…mail some letters and..." he looked at Sheldon, holding a large bag of their dinner for the night, "Throw away some chicken."

Sheldon gave him a look, almost horrified and betrayed that Leonard would say such a thing, before reluctantly putting the plastic bag into the trash bin beside him.

"You'll never guess what just happened!" Penny exclaimed.

"Oh, I give up," Leonard smiled.

"And Shelly doesn't guess," Claire added, walking over.

Penny frowned, "Why not?"

"As a scientist ," Sheldon picked up, "I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation...although as I'm saying this it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device rendering my response moot."

Penny looked between Leonard and Claire, "What was that?"

"Believe it or not, personal growth," Leonard smiled.

"He realized you weren't actually expecting them to guess," Claire explained, "Which means there was no point to explain why he doesn't guess in the first place."

"Gotcha," Penny nodded.

"What happened?" Leonard got them back on topic.

"Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of _Rent_ , but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?" Penny asked.

"I have a conclusion based on an observation," Sheldon remarked.

" _No_ you don't," Leonard quickly snapped, before smiling at Penny, "No he doesn't."

"Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked _me_ to replace her!" Penny beamed.

"Oh, congratulations, what a lucky break!"

"It's not a big deal, just a one night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents so, you never know."

"I think _I_ know," Sheldon muttered.

"No you _don't_ ," Leonard turned to him and back to Penny, "He doesn't."

"It's this Friday at eight, you guys want to come?" Penny asked.

"No," they both said without any hesitation.

"Because…" Leonard added, realizing how rude that was, "Uh, Friday, we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium..."

"I think that's a week from Tuesday at six," Sheldon corrected as Claire shook her head.

"No," Leonard gave him a firm look, "It's this Friday, at eight."

"Oh, too bad, well, I got to get to rehearsal, see you guys," Penny waved, singing as she left.

"See you!" Leonard called.

"You just lied to Penny," Sheldon turned to Leonard as soon as the door shut.

"Yes, I did."

"And you did it so casually, no rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration."

"So?"

"So, lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath."

"Oh Shelly, you worried about your safety?" Claire laughed, "Leonard isn't a sociopath."

"No, I imagine if he was going to kill me he'd have done it a long time ago."

"That's _very_ true," Leonard nodded, heading up the stairs.

Sheldon glanced back at the garbage, pouting, shifting on his feet as he seemed to debate something.

"It was in plastic, Shelly," Claire reminded him, "And inside that in cartons, sanitary and untouched by the trash, go on."

He quickly walked over and took the chicken back, smiling now that dinner was saved.

~8~

The next morning, Claire looked over from where she was reading the horoscopes of the newspaper, a cup of tea in hand, as there was a set of three knocks on the door, followed by, 'Penny,' which repeated three times, till she walked over and answered it brightly, "Morning Shelly!"

She'd always been a morning person, unlike Penny who shuffled over, yawning, with a "Do you have any idea what time it is?" not quite used to having another person there that could answer the door for her and let her sleep just yet.

Sheldon looked at his watch, "Of course I do. My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It's accurate to 1/10 of a second. But..." he looked at Claire as she smiled the smile she only smiled when he'd missed something others would see as obvious, "As I'm saying this it occurs to me that, once again, your question may have been rhetorical."

"Good guess Shelly," Claire nodded.

Penny just shook her head, it was too early for big words and chipper smiles, "What do you want?"

"Remember how Leonard told you we couldn't come to your performance because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium?" he asked.

Penny blinked, "...I remember symposium."

"Yes, well, he lied."

"Wait, what?" Penny frowned.

"He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it."

"Well imagine how _I'm_ feeling," Penny breathed, hurt seeping into her words.

Sheldon paused, "Hungry? Tired?" Claire shook her head, "I'm sorry this really isn't my strong suit."

Penny moved back into the apartment, surprised at how hurt she felt that Leonard had lied to her.

"Oh Shelly," Claire shook her head, "You shouldn't be all that uncomfortable. I've lied to you a few times."

"What?!" he looked startled, "When?!"

"'Of course Shelly, I'd _love_ to dress up as Spock and Uhura and go to that Star Trek convention with you.'"

He pouted, "Oh."

"It was a lie that made you happy though," Claire offered him a smile, "So it was one I felt comfortable making. Sometimes friends lie so they don't hurt the other's feelings or because we know something is really important to them and don't want to bring them down even if we aren't as excited."

"Oh," he blinked and started to smile when he realized that Claire HAD gone to the convention with him, dressed as much like Uhura as she could be without offending anyone while he'd been Spock…and she'd done it because she knew that Spock was important to him and that the convention was something he'd been looking forward to for ages.

He…did the same thing, in a way, he never really lied to say he was happy to go somewhere with her when he wasn't, but he DID go, and he made sure to cut back on any comments he knew would upset her. It took him a while, years really, to learn what upset her and what didn't when it came from him and about various topics, but he'd studied her reactions to certain phrases and remarks, made cheat sheets and documented all of it in a notebook for references, and now he had a good grasp of what was right and wrong to say when it came to Claire, usually she helped him along and flat out told him to his face that what he said was hurtful, and why, or that he'd said something she appreciated, and why, so that he would understand how it came across to her, because she knew he struggled to pick up social cues.

If only other people could be that considerate.

"So why'd Leonard lie to ME?" Penny walked back over, that lie certainly hadn't not-brought her down.

Sheldon sighed, "Well..."

~8~

"You told her I lied, _why_ would you tell her I lied?!" Leonard paced in the apartment as Claire sat on the couch trying in vain to read 'Le Morte D'Arthur,' though she kept glancing up, amused at the conversation and to see how Leonard handled Sheldon.

"To help you," Sheldon remarked.

"I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the help."

"She was going to see through your lie eventually, so I told her that you were lying to protect me."

"Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling."

"You should be," Claire commented, "Wait till you hear what you're 'really' doing."

"A bad feeling?" Sheldon murmured, "Are you hungry?" he guessed, "Have indigestion? I'm sorry I'm really not very good at this."

"Just tell him Shelly."

"Penny now believes that, on Friday night, we're going to participate in my cousin Leopold's drug intervention."

"Your cousin Leopold?" Leonard shook his head.

"Mhmm," Claire nodded, "Apparently most people call him Leo, but he also answers to Lee, which is odd because I've met Shelly's entire family, even his weird Uncle Irma, and I've never come across a Leo."

"Remember those names Leonard, it's important," Sheldon ignored her.

"What's important?" Leonard frowned, oh so confused.

"Details, Leonard, the success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on _details_."

"But there's really no cousin Leopold?"

"Nope," Claire called.

"I made him up," Sheldon agreed, "I think you'd call him Lee."

"I don't get it, I already told her a lie, why replace it with a different lie?" Leonard argued.

"Well, first of all, your lie was laughably transparent, where mine is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping I was weaving an un-unravelable web."

Claire snorted, "Un-unravelable? That's not a word Shelly," she told him before turning to Leonard, putting her book down, "Shelly went all out for this one. If anyone googles Leopold Houston they'll find a FaceBook page, an online blog about how he got into drugs, and a pretty amusing listing on e-harmony dot com."

"Ok," Leonard shook his head, "Why would _I_ go to a drug intervention for _your_ cousin?"

"Ah, because it's in Long Beach, and I don't drive," Sheldon smiled.

"Claire does."

"Yes but Claire doesn't have a car and, even if she did, she and Leo had an unfortunate run-in when last he was strung out and now she has a restraining order against him, she can't come."

Claire winked and clicked her tongue, pointing at Leonard a moment before picking up her book again.

"Wait, so we're going to _Long Beach_?"

"No, of course not, there's no cousin Leo, there's no intervention, _focus_ Leonard."

"Oh, come on!" Leonard seemed an inch away from throwing his hands in the air and storming off at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

"We just leave the house on Friday night, and we return in the wee hours emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab."

"So he _goes_ back into rehab?"

"Yes, but, he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to go hear her sing again."

"You still told her I lied."

"For a noble purpose, to spare me the social embarrassment of having a drug-addled first cousin, which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes?" he looked at Claire.

"Could be," she nodded.

"I don't know," Leonard sighed, "How am I supposed to remember all of this."

"That's the best part," Sheldon nearly bounced in excitement, "You don't have to!"

Leonard looked at Claire for help. She sighed, closing her book again and wondering why she even brought a book with her in the first place when she visited Sheldon as she hardly managed to get any reading done! She'd only gotten through _three_ books since she'd arrived and moved in with Penny…that was a really poor attempt for her, really set the bar low.

"He asked Penny to keep it between them so she won't let on that she knows you lied," Claire clarified.

"So she's expecting me to lie about going to a symposium in Pasadena, when in actuality we're pretending to go to a drug intervention in Long Beach?" Leonard tried to keep up.

Sheldon smirked, "Un-unravelable."

Claire just shook her head, "Still not a word Shelly."

~8~

Claire and Penny headed over to the boy's apartment the next night, knocking on the door only for Leonard to open it, "Oh hey Penny, Claire," he eyed Penny's outfit, the girl fully decked out for her role as Mimi, "Wow, look at you, all ready for your showcase, you look great."

"Thanks," Penny smiled, "I just wanted to come by and wish you guys luck with your... _symposium_."

"Oh, well, thank you."

"You know, I got to tell you, a lot of friends would let their friend go alone, but that's not who you are, _you_ are the kind of guy who stands by a friend when…when he has a _symposium_ to go to."

"I…don't know what to say."

"It's ok, Leonard," Penny hugged him tightly.

"Oh, ok," Leonard smiled, pleased, "Alright, good."

"Oh boy, group hug!" Howard cheered as he and Raj stepped up from the hallway.

Claire just pulled him back as he moved in, "Nope, your hands go anywhere near Pen's body," she pointed a warning finger at him, "And I will whack you with my purse," she held a small black clutch up threateningly before she headed into the apartment.

"O...k..." Howard said slowly, glancing between her and Penny to Leonard, "So what's up?"

"Well, uh, Penny is on her way to perform in a one night showcase production of _Rent_ ," Sheldon entered the room, "Which we are unable to attend because we are going to a symposium on molecular positronium, given by Dr. Emile Farminfarmian and...Claire what are you wearing?" Sheldon frowned, looking her up and down. She was wearing a modest, yet tasteful black dress and heels, something he knew she disliked, she was more a pants person.

"I'm going to Penny's showcase," she said, her voice sounding happy with that, but her expression behind Penny's back was dry, "Because _you two_ couldn't go and I can't attend the _symposium_ with you," she gave Sheldon a look for that. She knew he was trying to keep her out of his lie, to not drag her into it by giving an out of a 'restraining order' but all it had done was made Penny ask HER to go in place of them and she had no excuse and...she hated letting people down, especially friends. She really had a bad issue saying no when people asked her to do something important to them.

"But why are you wearing _that_?" he kept staring.

The dress was sleeveless, tight on the top but with a gentle if wide neckline, a flowing skirt that went to a little above her knees. Her heels were simple, not as long or high as normal heels, and her hair was down, held back in two clips. He frowned, feeling a thump in his chest. He looked at his watch, a bit concerned that his pulse had elevated, his mouth felt dry as well now, his gaze kept drooping which gave him a view to her legs, and he was having trouble forming a coherent thought...

Oh dear lord, he must have caught something from eating that chicken from the garbage! What had he been _thinking_!?

"It's a showcase, you _have_ to dress at least a little nice."

"Oh."

"Why?" she frowned, eyeing herself, "You don't like it?"

She knew it wasn't her normal style, it was too…solid, too black. She liked bright colors, sometimes painfully bright colors, and fun patterns, pants especially, pants were good. The top was a bit too tight, but that might be because it was Penny's dress she was letting her borrow for the night. Much like with Leonard's closet, Penny had gone through her own to see what she had for the event…

It hadn't been quite as bad as Leonard's…but it was still bad if Penny's expression was anything to go on.

She probably shouldn't have asked Penny for help in selecting an outfit to wear. But she hadn't known what would be best and she knew she couldn't just pick something at random like she normally did. Her favored method of selecting an outfit for the day, a day when she didn't have lessons to teach and had to dress 'professionally,' was to put a hand over her eyes and reach into her closet and just pull out whatever she grabbed first, she really was very bad at making choices like that. But she also knew her method sometimes left her looking a bit ridiculous, and she didn't want to embarrass Penny so she'd sucked it up and asked Penny for her opinion.

The girl had squealed so loudly that she'd thought Penny saw a spider or something, but the next thing she knew she'd been yanked into her bedroom and pushed on the end of the bed while Penny ran to her closet to sift through it. According to Penny it wasn't…horrible, her clothes, and some of it could actually work well if they were paired with different pants or shirts, compared to how she normally mixed and matched...matching would work better, according t Penny. But Penny hadn't seen any dresses that really would work for a showcase so she'd pulled her into her own room and gone through her closet till she found one that might just work.

Most of Penny's dresses were deep necklined, more suited for a club or night out on the town, and, because she was a little…lacking in the chest area, compared to Penny, the deep necklines didn't have the same effect. She was also a bit slimmer than Penny, a little taller too, so finding a dress that worked was a task.

The one she was currently wear was apparently one Penny's grandmother had given her to attend a funeral for her family…which hadn't been the best way to introduce the dress to her, it made the black seem more depressing, but it had fit comfortably enough and looked both casual and fancy enough for the showcase at the same time.

She'd tried to sneak a colored jacket, but Penny had forbidden it, saying that road-worker orange did not go with anything and that she'd looked perfectly fine without a jacket, adorable with her high cheekbones and cutesy smile. She'd felt confident enough at that to step out of the apartment in the dress…but Sheldon's reaction, his words, were making her second guess her decision.

He seemed to realize that and blinked, "You look as lovely as always."

She smiled, Penny smiling behind her at the complement Sheldon Cooper had actually given another person, when Howard cut in, "Wait a minute, Farminfarmian is speaking and you're Bogarding the symposium?"

"Howard, I'm sorry…" Leonard tried to explain without the lie falling apart, "We're…we're..."

"No, no, you're quark-blocking us!"

"…I don't know what to say."

"Wow."

"Howard, listen…"

"No, it's ok, it's your Millennium Falcon, you and Chewbacca do whatever you want to do. Me and Princess Leia here will find some other way to spend the evening."

Penny frowned, seeing Howard and Raj getting so upset, "Howard, wait. Sheldon…I think we should tell them."

"Ok," Sheldon nodded slowly as Claire smirked, watching him. He always did that when he was about to get caught doing something, slowed down his speech and nodded, "Sure. I don't...see a problem with that."

Penny turned to the others, "There's no symposium, Leonard lied to me, isn't that right Leonard?"

"Well…" Leonard sighed, frustrated, "I don't know what to say!"

"It's ok, _I_ do, look, Leonard is helping Sheldon through a family crisis, he made up the whole story about the symposium with Dr. Farmin...farm…"

"Farmin-far-mian," Claire repeated just a little slowly so Penny could get the right pronunciation.

"Farminfarmian," Penny nodded in thanks, "Because he didn't want Sheldon to be embarrassed, and there is nothing to be embarrassed ok, every family in America has a relative holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner."

They looked over as Raj whispered to Howard, "No, I'm lost too, I think she skipped a step."

"No, look, Sheldon's cousin Leo escaped rehab, and he's in a Motel 8 at Long Beach, the whole family's going out for an intervention. Leonard is driving Sheldon down there to help him through this because Claire can't and..." she smiled at Leonard, "Because he's such a good man."

"Oh," he smiled as Penny hugged him again, "Another hug, thank you!"

"Pen," Claire cut in, looking at her watch, "We gotta go or you're gonna be late, sugar."

Penny nodded, looking at her watch, "Alright you guys, good luck."

"Thanks Penny," Leonard smiled.

"Yeah, uh, break a leg," Howard called.

"Break a leg," Sheldon agreed.

As soon as the door was shut, Penny turned to Claire, laughing as they headed down the stairs, "You were right," she nodded.

"Always am when it comes to Shelly," Claire agreed.

"I mean he slowed down his speech and nodded slow and everything! Who knew Sheldon Cooper had tells for when he was lying."

"Hang around him enough, Pen, and you pick up these things," Claire linked her arm with Penny's, "And, knowing Shelly…he's gonna get so wrapped up in this lie that it's gonna end up getting crazy."

"How?" Penny shook her head, "He's not going to go out and find a druggie to pass off as 'Leopold' is he?"

"I would not put that past Shelly," Claire laughed, "But don't you worry about that, you just focus on your showcase and knock 'em dead!"

~8~

"Morning Leonard," Claire called from her spot in the armrest of the couch, reading, when the man in question walked into the room, wearing a red robe and socks.

"Morning?" he eyed her, confused as to why she was there...and then he noticed there was a strange, thin man in torn up jean-like clothing sitting at the kitchen counter, eating cereal.

"Morning," the man called.

"Who are _you_?"

"Meet Sheldon's cousin Leo," Claire called with a roll of her eyes and an awkward flail of her arm towards the man.

"Oh, God!" Leonard groaned, "Sheldon does _not_ have a cousin Leo."

"I know that and you know that but, apparently, the only one who doesn't is Penny," Claire fought to keep the smirk off her face at that.

After Sheldon had revealed Leonard's lie to Penny and left after giving her the excuse of 'Cousin Leo' she'd sat Penny down and explained that, for scientists, music and singing wasn't really their thing. Which was why Leonard might not have agreed to go, they wanted to be supportive, but they also had to get up very early for work every day and who knew how long a showcase could last? Penny had understood, and so she'd gone on to explain how Sheldon had been trying to cover for Leonard and lied as well. SHE hadn't quite lied, she could guess why Sheldon and Leonard hadn't wanted to go, but they hadn't outright told her their real reasons so whatever she said could very well be the truth.

It didn't sit right with her that Sheldon had been so 'uncomfortable' with Leonard's lie, only to lie himself. It was a quirk with Sheldon, he had to be the best. If someone told a lie, he needed to prove he could tell a better one. Normally she wouldn't get involved, but this was Penny and she was…she was her friend, she was becoming a good friend, a real gal pal, which she was sorely lacking since she'd gone off to college and had to leave Missy behind in Texas. She didn't want Penny to get caught in the crossfire of the two lies and had told her the truth.

Penny had been angry that both men had lied to her instead of just telling her they just didn't want to go, she would have handled it and been fine with it, it was her first showcase, yeah, but it was also such short notice she wouldn't blame them for not being able to go. So she'd turned to Claire and said she wanted to go along with it, see how long the men could keep it up before it unraveled, how far they'd take it, if just to get some entertainment out of watching them all uncomfortable and flustered with needing to keep the lie up.

She'd agreed to not say a word to the boys about it, and she was trying her best not to let on that she knew Penny knew the truth.

"Au contraire," the man smiled, "I'm 26 years old, I'm originally from," he looked down at a paper beside him...

"Denton, Texas," Claire called, "But, since your daddy was in the Navy you grew up on a buncha military bases around the world. And cause you kept moving around you never had time to fit in…"

"I was constantly treated as an outsider, which probably led to my substance abuse problem in the first place," 'Leopold' nodded.

Leonard looked at Claire for that.

"Shelly called me up in the middle of the night to have me write that up for him," she sighed, "And no, that was not what led to the drugs."

"Excuse me," Sheldon walked in, "We just went over this. As the quintessential middle-child, your addiction is rooted in your unmet need for attention."

"Oh Sheldon are we _really_ going to go with pop psychology," the man grimaced.

"For your information, this is all based on solid research, stick with the character profile Claire wrote for you."

"Sheldon?" Leonard shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld, he's a research assistant in the particle physics lab, but he also minored in theater at MIT."

"It was more of a double major actually," Toby cut in, "Theater and physics. You can guess which one my bourgeois parents pushed me towards."

"Yeah, I got it," Leonard sighed, "Sheldon, _why_?"

"Well, you see, I realized that, while Leo would not have gone into rehab, it is completely plausible that we would have talked him into leaving the motel, and coming home with us."

"Oh…"

"Sheldon, how about this as my motivation," Toby smiled, "When I was fourteen years old I was abused in the Philippines by a club footed Navy chaplain…"

"Toby, I'm _not_ rewriting your life's story on 2 hours of sleep," Claire called, "If you want to live to see tomorrow, we're going with middle child and a generic predisposition to inadequate serotonin production."

Leonard looked at her, startled at how much she sounded like Sheldon. He was getting used to her southern drawl and her 'simpler' way of talking for Penny's benefit that to hear her use words like that, and have them actually make sense, surprised him.

"When I'm tired, I'm too tired to sound normal," she shrugged, "Besides I have a science degree too. I know big, complex words just as much as you do."

His eyes widened, "You have TWO Doctorates?!"

"Oh hell no," she shook her head, "No way in the nine circles of hell was I getting another doctorate and in physics. I just have a bachelor's in it. I needed to be able to understand what Shelly talks about half the time."

"Swell, how do I play genetic predisposition?" Toby continued, not caring about the degree.

"Subtextually," she snapped, when there was a knock on the door, "That'll be Penny."

Sheldon nodded, looking at Toby, "Just 'have fun' with it," he remarked before opening the door, "Morning Penny."

"Hi," she smiled tenderly, trying to act like she was just concerned for how it all went down, "How did the intervention go?"

"Unfortunately, we weren't able to convince him to go to rehab."

"Well, based on what you told me, I'm not surprised."

Sheldon smirked at Leonard.

"Yeah, they just decided to bring him back home," Claire rolled her eyes, "To this apartment, within range of the restraining order," she shot Sheldon a look.

"Yes…" he spoke slowly, blinking at that as he nodded, making Penny smirk behind him to see his tell play out again, "Well…the restraining order is in effect only in public places and is against Leo coming within range of you. You came to us, in a private area, he can't be forced to leave when YOU came to him. And he apologized."

Claire blinked at that, not even bothering to wonder if that was even legal, especially since this all wasn't real anyway. Though she doubted, from the description she'd written of 'Leopold' that he would apologize but she didn't say anything.

"Come say hello," Sheldon turned to Penny, trying to change the subject, "Leo, this is Penny, our friend and neighbor."

"Hi Leo, how are you feeling?" she asked, seeing the man hunched over on a stool, his head bowed, face strained.

"Let me ask you something, Penny," Toby deepened his voice, "Have you ever woken up in a fleabag motel, covered in your own vomit, next to a transsexual prostitute?"

"...no."

"Then don't ask me how I'm _feeling_."

"Well, that's Leo," Leonard cut in, "Hey, um, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night?"

"Oh, it was ok I guess, wasn't a big turnout but they both really seemed to like it."

"There were only two people there?" Leonard frowned.

"Not counting Claire."

" _I_ thought it was great," she told Penny, thankful she'd sat in the back with the excuse of wanting to see the whole picture, where the sound hadn't carried quite so much and she was able to listen to music on top of the terrible performance going on before her.

As it turned out, it wasn't just Penny who couldn't sing.

"Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan!" Toby suddenly shouted.

"I'm…I'm sorry?" Penny turned to him.

"The Philippines. 1992. The Subic Bay Naval Station. A young boy on the cusp of manhood. His only companions mongrel dogs and malarial mosquitoes. Desperate and alone he reached out to a man who promised to introduce him to a merciful, loving God, but who instead introduced him to a gin pickled tongue shoved down his adolescent throat. What choice did he have but to drink, shoot, and snort his pain away!"

"Don't forget his genetic predisposition towards addiction," Sheldon hissed to Toby.

"That's never been proven!" Toby hissed right back.

"There have been studies!"

"Not double blind studies!"

"How could there be a double blind study, who would be the control group?"

"As you can see, detoxing can get pretty ugly," Leonard turned to Penny as the men bickered, "Let's give them some privacy."

"Yeah. Hey, do you want to come over to my place, have coffee?"

"Sounds good," he smiled.

"I probably shouldn't be here either," Claire added, getting up to follow them, "Leo's about a foot away from the restraining order coming into effect," she nodded at the man who had gotten up to confront Sheldon, according to Sheldon himself if 'Leo' approached her then the order kicked in. And then she smiled, "And I _taped_ Penny's performance," she smirked, "Do you want to see it Leonard?"

His smile strained, "Gee, why wouldn't I?"

"This is even better than you coming to the showcase, because now I get to watch you watch me!" Penny cheered.

"Yeah! Funny how things work out."

"And that he loved the companionship and the wisdom that his own father failed to provide," they could hear Toby continue.

"Your parents made the right decision," Sheldon remarked.

"I cannot work like this!"

~8~

Penny smirked as Leonard left to go help Sheldon with Toby who was having some sort of fit back in the apartment, "You think they'll ever realize I know?" Penny asked Claire as she sat down on the couch beside her.

"Those two?" she laughed, "Not a chance."

"Thanks for telling me Sheldon's tells, I probably would have believed him if you hadn't. Though, that 'Leo' they found, I could so totally tell he was an actor. Takes one to know one," Penny smirked.

Claire nodded, "And you definitely were one," she agreed, "Got them fooled well enough that you think it's real. And no worries at all for the tells, to be honest, I love seeing how far Shelly goes with these things, now he's got to deal with Toby for who knows how long."

Penny laughed, "Leonard's gonna kill them both."

"And we'll video tape that and laugh about it later too."

A/N: Lol, Sheldon's reaction to Claire in a dress will be only one of quite a few ;)

Quick note to readers of my Doctor Who story, there may be a small delay in posting today. I have an interview that I'm about to leave for and I'm not sure what time I'll get back to post the next chapter or my extra one-shot that I had planned for today. The oneshot might be postponed to tomorrow depending what time I get back ;)

Some notes on reviews...

I'm not sure if you can actually burn water, but one of my roommates in college, her sister was making tea once and forgot the tea kettle was on and left and when she came home later it had been whistling for so long that all the water evaporated and the bottom of the kettle was starting to burn...so that might be close :)

Sheldon will definitely speak to Howard, in his own way, about flirting with Claire...I think he'd have to be made aware Howard was actually trying to flirt at one point or another though ;)

In this series, it'll be more friendship-plus for Sheldon and Claire, giving more background on their friendship and possible feelings for each other ;) So Claire won't be with anyone just yet. I can say she will end up with Sheldon by the end of the series...though there may be one or two potential 'boyfriends' somewhere in the middle }:)

Oh Penny will put them in quite a few situations ;)

I'm SO happy that it's coming across that Sheldon treats Claire differently :) I tried to make it subtle in the sense that Sheldon doesn't see how he's treating her differently, but everyone else can see it :) It will be a...very big thing later in the series ;) He started to almost take her out of the friend-area in this chapter, but I sort of took how, later in the show, when Amy Farrah Fowler experienced an attraction to someone, it went right over Sheldon's head and he thought she had an alien parasite lol. It'll take a lot for him to realize he's seeing Claire differently ;) Oh but Claire will definitely call Penny out yup ;)

Actually, from what I know, in Halo 3, which was released in September 2007, where the start of the story is around November 2007, there ARE tanks ;) And while I don't believe they're called 'medpacks' there are Health Kits, which are also in Halo 3 and, given the many other video games where similar kits are called 'medpacks' it could be possible for someone playing with friends that are used to calling it a medpack even if it's really a Health kit :) As for the other facts, about the Rocket Launcher, that's up to the show for how they want the boys to play the game, I suppose it would depend on their belief on if they can hit the target and their experience and strategy ;) For the Needler, I think Raj said he WAS out of ammo so that could explain that ;) I'm not sure if you're saying I'm a Noob for mentioning things in Halo (which would be both true and false at the same time, true as in I would be a new player if I had ever actually played Halo, and false because I haven't ever played Halo so I couldn't be a noob to something I've never participated in ;)) or calling the boys Noobs for playing that way, but the Halo moment was what they actually said in the show so you might want to take it up with them how to play the game right ;)


	5. The Pancake Batter Anomaly

The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon watched intently as Leonard leaned in to make a move on the three dimensional chess board they were currently playing on. He hesitated, looking at the board from different angles, checking the pieces, glancing at Sheldon with hesitation, before tentatively moving his piece...only for Sheldon to grin in victory and immediately move his piece to, "Checkmate!"

"Ooooh," Leonard groaned, "Again?"

"Obviously you're not well suited for three-dimensional chess, perhaps three dimensional Candyland would be more your speed."

"Just reset the board," Leonard groused, flopping back onto the armchair.

"It must be humbling to suck on so many different levels," Sheldon remarked, resetting the chessboard only after he'd checked his watch for the 14th time in the last 10 minutes, "Well at least Claire will be here soon, SHE'LL at least pose a challenge..."

Not that she actually DID pose a challenge to him in the sense that he was concerned she might win. It was just...the manner in which they played was more challenging. It had been part of their best friend agreement that things would be quid pro quo, oh how young and naive he'd been to agree to THAT one. Sadly it meant that, for every new game he wanted Claire to learn to play, HE had to learn a new one from her too. Claire hadn't really wanted to learn chess till he'd added that little amendment in. He'd had to learn cat's cradle as a result.

He didn't understand why a cat would need a cradle or how they'd even be able to play such a game without opposable thumbs or getting caught in the yarn and string.

Still, Claire had learned his game, but they'd come to a compromise on how they wanted to play it. It wasn't really fair to Claire to play against him. He was quite adept at chess, his skills rather high and very polished compared to Claire. It wasn't fair for anyone that wasn't as chess-minded as he was to face him down but...he liked playing with her. She had really been the only one willing to learn chess so that he wouldn't have to play against the open air or himself. He...appreciated that, and so, to...thank her, he tried to come up with a way to even the playing field so to speak. It had come to him while his father had been watching NASCAR to speed the game up. They would both play as quickly as possible, leaving no time to consider strategy but to see who would be able to beat the other out of sheer skill and how quickly they could think. They would make moves within 5 seconds and see who came out on top. It was good fun and a challenge in that it forced him to think quicker and react faster, it was very useful in other day applications, like paintball. It was also very good because his mother had given him a very loud scolding when she'd found the two of them awake at 3 in the morning because their chess match, that they'd told her she'd go home after it was finished, had taken them 5 hours to get through.

They hadn't even been able to finish before his mother had snatched the board away.

More often than not, he won. Which was expected, even playing quickly and without strategy, his mind processed things faster than Claire's did. That wasn't to say she didn't win sometimes. But, usually, those times were because he let her...because she was having a really bad day or suffering a severe migraine and she didn't really WANT to play but still did, and she liked winning. Or because he'd gotten distracted by thinking of some new formula or pondering a new movie coming out, his distraction was his downfall when it came to chess with Claire.

As though hearing his words, there was a knock on the door as Penny and Claire entered, "Hi guys!"

"Hey Shelly Bean," Claire smiled at him, moving to hug him sideways, it was another part of their agreement that, after one of them took an extended trip, extended as in more than 48 hours apart during a sequence of days where they would have been together, the other could greet them anyway they wanted, "Leonard."

"Hey!" Leonard smiled.

"Did you get our mail?" Penny asked.

"Yeah, right here," he moved to his desk and handed Penny a large packet of mail and Claire a smaller one, "How was Nebraska?"

"Oh, better than North Dakota!" she laughed, before pausing when they didn't join in, "I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska."

"From the data at hand you really can't draw that conclusion," Sheldon remarked, moving his chess piece as Claire stood on the other end, moving her pieces as well, "All you can say, with absolute certainty, is that that joke is not funny here."

"Boy..." Penny tapped her mail on her hand in contained irritation, "It's _good_ to be back."

"How was your family?" Leonard asked, though he was watching Claire and Sheldon play, it was...weird...they were both moving their pieces fast, as though not even pausing to consider strategy. Though, really, it was the expression on Sheldon's face that drew him in, it was one of concentration instead of the smug 'I'm gonna win' grin the man always played with.

"Yeah, thanks for inviting me along, Pen," Claire called, glancing up for only a minute, "They were great."

"Any time," she smiled.

Her family had all but demanded she bring Claire over, had been wanting to meet her since she'd mentioned to her father that she'd gotten an actual roommate. They wanted to make sure her roommate wasn't some crazy murderer or anything. And she liked to think that they approved, that Claire and her family hit it off pretty well. There had been one incident where the green beans Claire had been tending, despite her warning her grandmother that Claire really was a poor cook (and been shushed and shooed and told 'the girl can't be that bad'), had ended up stuck to the ceiling and blackened...no, not just stuck, stabbed into the ceiling. Claire had been so embarrassed but it had just given her family a laugh and led them onto the topic of other culinary flubs they'd made over their lives, which eased her a little. Even her dad seemed to like Claire but that was mostly because, when he'd tried to intimidate her with talk of his hunting skills, she'd just countered back with her OWN hunting memories. Apparently her father had gone through a midlife crisis and wanted to live the life of a hunter. The only thing that had come from it was Claire learning how to use a gun and her father ending up with an actual hole in his foot from where he'd shot himself after thinking that moonshine would be a better substitute for water while he'd been firing a round or two. As depressing as the story had been, it had impressed her father that his little girl was safe with another person who knew how to use a gun.

"So it was fun?" Leonard smiled.

"It was the _worst_ trip," Penny shook her head, "Everyone got sick over the weekend."

"Sick?" Sheldon looked up, distracted by that mention enough that his hand slipped and his piece ended up in a space that was perfect for...

"Checkmate!" Claire smiled.

"Here we go," Leonard remarked, knowing that a Sheldon-meltdown was about to happen either because Claire 'cheated' or because of the now imminent threat of illness from Penny's family...

When Sheldon stood up and ran across the room to the kitchen, he knew it was about the illness.

"What kind of sick?" Sheldon cried.

"Oh," Penny frowned, confused, "The flu I guess."

"I don't need you to _guess_ , I need you to _know_ , now when did the symptoms first appear?!"

"Maybe Friday?"

"Friday," he turned and grabbed a paper, pulling it to him to jot down notes, "Was that morning or afternoon?"

Penny blinked and glanced at Leonard, not sure why Sheldon was getting so worked up or demanding to know, but he was just shaking his head in resignation, "I…I don't…"

"Think woman! Who blew their nose and when?"

"Sheldon, relax, she doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious," Leonard waved him off.

"Oh please," he scoffed, "If influenza was only contagious _after_ symptoms appear it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, Homo Habilis would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose."

"Sorry Pen," Claire stood up after resetting the board, "Shelly really doesn't like germs," she turned to him, pulling out her phone and scrolling through to something, "Thursday night: Penny's youngest cousin blew his nose at 11:47 pm, by 7:03 am, all her cousins were coughing, and by 11:25 her daddy was back in bed. Her little cousin was up and about, recovered by 8:31 this morning," she looked at him, "Good enough?"

"Yes, thank you," Sheldon sighed, making notes, thankful that _someone_ had had enough sense to document the next potential epidemic to hit the apartment building and help him prepare to hold it off.

Penny just stared at her, "You...kept a log of my family sneezing?"

Claire gave her an apologetic smile, "I knew that the second you mentioned that they got sick Shelly would be up in arms about not catching anything. I HAD to otherwise he," she nodded at Sheldon, "Would end up quarantining either you or him to your own rooms."

"Thanks for the notes," Sheldon called, rummaging through the cabinets now, "Now please leave!"

"What?" Penny frowned.

"He thinks we might be able to make him sick even if WE aren't sick," Claire explained, "Like carriers."

Penny nodded slowly at that as Leonard sighed, "You'd better go before he starts spraying you with Lysol."

"You're joking," Penny shook her head.

"No," Claire sighed, he really will.

"Ok...well, thank you for getting my mail," Penny offered Leonard.

"Mine as well," Claire smiled, holding up a letter she'd been quick to open when she saw who it was from, "I've been invited to give a lecture at the UCLA tomorrow," she beamed at that, "On the Visibility and Expectation of Femininity in Medieval Literature!"

"That's great," Leonard smiled, happy for her.

"Yes, great, wonderful," Sheldon called, waving them off, shooing them, "Now out!"

Claire rolled her eyes, but shook her head with a smile, just having him call it wonderful was enough for her because he didn't add the 'for an English degree' afterwards, "Bye Shelly!"

"Goodbye, now go!"

They turned to leave just as he started spraying the air with Lysol.

~8~

Sheldon was _miserable_ as he sat in the Cheesecake Factory later the next day, bundled up in winter clothes, his nose stuffed, his head aching, his stomach churning. He'd woken up ill, with the _flu_ , just as predicted, just as he feared would happen thanks to Penny. Leonard had apparently been called into work, Howard and Raj were unavailable and Claire was at her lecture, he couldn't bother her, but he had no one to make him soup as there was no soup in the apartment and soup was what all the medical sites he visited said was best for dealing with a flu like this. He glanced at his wrist, his hands shaking, as he looked at the time, counting down the minutes and hours till Claire would be finished with her lecture and could come take care of him.

Well, not that she HAD to take care of him, but she always seemed to want to. She always got this look on her face that his research (and the opinions of his sister) told him meant that she felt badly that he was sick, it was sympathy, he'd been told. A feeling one usually got when they were saddened by something that another was going through yet didn't know a way to make them feel better. Claire got that look every time he was sick and she always tried to do all she could to help him get better quickly. He'd asked her once why that was, why did she sit at his bedside and help him eat soup or drink his orange juice and things. She'd just said she liked seeing him happy, because a happy Sheldon meant a happy Claire.

He hadn't understood why she'd said that till she had gotten sick once. He hadn't been allowed to visit her because Claire's mother didn't like him much. And he'd been...sad. He'd been sad that his friend wasn't there, even sadder that he couldn't be there to see what symptoms she hand to help her identify the illness and come up with a regime of medications and foods that would help her feel better sooner. Not that the medications would work, Claire would have hid them under her tongue and spit them out behind his back if he didn't watch her take them and then examine her mouth with a flashlight after to make sure she swallowed them. He'd been sad that he couldn't help her get better, and when he saw her when she was better, he felt...happy, relieved, that she was ok now. And he understood why Claire always said that about him being sick.

A Happy Claire meant a Happy Sheldon too.

Right now though he was miserable.

"Sheldon, what are you doing here?" Penny asked as she walked over to him, on waitress duty today.

"I'm sick, thank you very much," Sheldon shot back though the effect was lost by the wheezing cough he gave right after.

"How could you have gotten it from me? I'm not sick."

"You're a _carrier_. I thought Claire explained this to you last night," he huffed, glancing around at the people around him, the people Penny was serving food and likely contaminating as she went, "All these people here are doomed," he turned to them, his voice funny from being stuffed up, "You're doomed!"

"Shhh!" Penny hissed at him, trying to quiet him, "Sheldon, what do you want?"

"I want soup."

Penny grimaced as he tried to clear his throat, "Why didn't you just…" and did it again, louder, "Why didn't you just have soup at home?"

"Penny, I have an IQ of 187, don't you imagine that, if there were a way for me to have had soup at home, I would have thought of it?"

Penny gave him an unimpressed look, "You can have soup _delivered_."

He paused, "...I did not think of that. Clearly febrile delirium is setting in, please bring me some soup while I still understand what a spoon is for."

"Ok," she reached out to lower the hand he'd lifted at her, the spoon firmly clenched in it, "What kind of soup do you want?"

"Well, my mother used to make me this split pea with little frankfurter slices and these homemade croutons."

"We have Chicken Tortilla and Potato Leek," she cut in.

"Can I get any of those with little frankfurter slices and homemade croutons?"

"No."

He sighed, "Then surprise me," Penny moved away to put his order in as he blew his nose, looking at the coloring of it before holding it out to the table next to him, "Would you call that moss green or forest green?"

"Ok," Penny walked back, having heard him, "Look, Sheldon, why don't I give you the soup and you can take it home ok?"

"But what if I pass out on the bus and someone harvests my organs?"

Penny blinked, "Well...why don't you call Claire? She can come get you and..."

"I can't call Claire."

"Why not?" she frowned.

"She's lecturing today, I can't bother her."

Penny shook her head, "I thought you'd love to stop her talking about her english stuff."

Sheldon frowned, looking almost offended at the assumption, "Literature makes Claire happy. Why would I want her to be unhappy?"

She would already be unhappy enough that he was sick, seeing her doubly unhappy would make HIM feel unhappy too, and he was already in hell at the moment with this stuffed nose and on the verge of death with the cough he'd developed.

Penny had to smile at that, wouldn't you know, a tiny flare of humanity from the great Sheldon Cooper, "I'll go get you that soup, maybe if you eat something you won't have to worry about passing out."

"That actually makes sense," he sniffled, "Thank you Penny."

"No problem, sweetie."

~8~

Penny sighed as she followed Sheldon up the stairs to his apartment, resignation and irritation dripping out of her. She'd tried to get a hold of Leonard instead of Claire while she'd been at work and Sheldon had been noisily slurping down his soup, but Leonard was apparently at work, as were Raj and Howard, and there was some sort of crisis going on and he might be dying...but still, she'd rather HIM be stuck with Sheldon than her. Though, thinking about it as she trudged behind Sheldon, SHE would have rather been facing a possible nuclear meltdown and having her body turn to soup from the radiation than deal with Sheldon like this too.

As luck would have it though, Sheldon had refused to leave the Cheesecake Factory alone. He claimed that he felt even more queasy after eating the soup than he had before it and was now worried he would not only pass out, but that he would throw up on the bus and end up choking on it on his way home if there was no one there to watch out for him. And, if he DID manage to make it back to the apartment, there would still be no one there if he tripped and fell or if he passed out in the bathroom sink brushing his teeth, or he turned over in his sleep the wrong way and ended up asphyxiating...

She really didn't know where he got all of these ridiculous ideas from, but he'd made such a stink, gotten so loud and frantic just thinking about leaving alone that her boss had all but ordered her to get him out of there, which meant her workday was now over.

"Thanks for bringing me home," he mumbled pathetically as he reached the last flight of stairs, having taken nearly three times as long to get up them as normal.

She grit her teeth, he'd stopped to check his pulse at each mid-floor landing, making them wait a full minute before continuing up in silence, "Oh, it's ok," she bit out sarcastically, "I didn't really need to work today, it's not like I have rent or car payments or anything," having Claire around had helped with the rent, for sure, but it was still a chunk of her wages and, with needing less for rent she'd tried to schedule more auditions which meant her car was used more which meant more gas and repairs which, in the end, ended up needing to work pretty much the same amount as before Claire had showed up.

"Good," Sheldon nodded, not really seeming to have heard her at all, "Good," he moved to the door to his apartment.

"Ok, well, you feel better," she called, heading for her own door.

"Wait," Sheldon frowned, spinning around to face her, only to wince and put a hand to his head as the hallway seemed to spin with him, "Where are you going?"

"Um, home, to write some bad checks," Penny pointed at the door to her apartment with her key as though it should be obvious.

"You're going to leave me?"

"Sheldon, you are a grown man! Haven't you ever been sick before?"

"Well, of course, but, not by myself."

"Really, never?" she raised an eyebrow at that, finding it hard to believe.

"Well, once. When I was fifteen and spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany."

"Studying abroad?"

"No, visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia."

"And there was no one there to take care of you?" she frowned.

"Well...my mom had to fly back to Texas to help my dad because the house had slipped off the cinder blocks again."

She blinked at that, "Again?"

"It was tornado season. And it was an aluminum house."

"And you were alone?"

He started to smile a bit, "No...Claire was there. She flew out the week before to surprise me for my birthday. So she was there to help take care of me after my mom left."

Penny smiled at that, she could tell Claire really cared about Sheldon, she would have had to to give up sightseeing to take care of the mess before her...and speaking of messes...the girl HAD helped her take care of her whole family, a family that wasn't even Claire's, when she didn't have to.

This was the least she could do to repay her for not moving out the second her youngest cousin threw up on her.

"Ok, sweetie," she sighed, "I'll take care of you, what do you need?"

~8~

Sheldon was lying, tucked into his bed, Penny having done so on his request, "Ok, nice and cozy, ok, I'll see you later."

"Wait," he called as she turned to leave, "Will you please rub this on my chest?" he held out some Vix to her.

"Oh, Sheldon," she whined, nearly stomping her foot at his request, "Can't you do that yourself?"

"Vapo-rub makes my hands smell funny."

"But Sheldon…" she sighed, an inch away from denying it, she never should have agreed to take care of him.

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please."

She rubbed her head, reminding herself that Claire had had to hold a bucket for her father to throw up in and had helped her dole out cups of herbal tea and chicken soup (that she had NOT made as she had told her she didn't want to poison the entire family more than they already were). So she took the rub, sucked it up, and unscrewed the cap.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered, sitting beside him and scooping out some of the rub, reaching out to gingerly rub it on his chest as he held his shirt up for her.

"No, no, counterclockwise or my chest hair mats!"

She clenched her jaw, "Sorry."

After this, she and Claire were SO even.

"Can you sing 'Soft Kitty?'" Sheldon mumbled after a moment.

Penny blinked, "What?"

"My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick."

"I'm sorry, honey, I don't know it," she crossed the fingers of her other hand, praying that would be enough for him to let it go.

Sadly she was wrong, "I'll teach you! 'Soft kitty...'"

"Shelly!" they heard the front door shut and Claire's voice call out, "Pen?"

There was a God.

"In here!" Penny called, getting up and wiping off her hand on her skirt just as Claire appeared in the doorway.

"Oh Shelly," Claire sighed, making her way into the room, to his side and sitting on the edge of his bed where Penny had been, placing her left hand to rest on it while she leaned forward with her right to feel his head with the back of it.

"What are you doing here?" Sheldon frowned, eyeing her, "There's still..." he looked at his clock, squinting at the time, trying to make the numbers stop going double on him, "An hour to your lecture..."

"Penny texted me that you weren't feeling so good," she shrugged, "So I called in a family emergency and here I am."

It was partially the truth, Penny HAD texted her...and she'd called Penny right back to ask what was wrong and been told that the boys had been called into work and she was going to leave her own work to get Sheldon home. SHE knew what that meant, she knew exactly what Sheldon was like when he wasn't filling well and had immediately asked permission to leave the lecture to head off Penny. The public transport had been a bit slow and she'd just gotten back now, but still, she was back and hopefully Penny might still be able to make it back to work with time left for her shift.

Oh she felt so bad that Penny had had to leave work to get Sheldon back home, but she was truly so thankful she'd taken such good care of him.

"You shouldn't have done that," he pouted, pulling her attention back, "Being invited to lecture anywhere, even for English, is an honor and..."

"Oh you hush," she cut in, "I lecture practically every time I teach my English courses at Caltech, this last one was just...a more specific topic. If it makes you feel better I'll have my students write a paper on women in medieval literature, ok?" he nodded, though he still seemed unhappy, "Thanks for taking care of him Pen," she looked back at the blonde, "I've got it from here."

Penny though was looking more at Sheldon's hand which had taken Claire's as soon as she sat down and placed it within reach, "No, it's fine..." she glanced between the two of them, neither seemed to even realize it was happening, "Want me to stay incase you need help with him?"

Claire seemed to catch her concern in the question, Shelly could be a handful if you didn't know how to handle him right, and shook her head, "Here," she took the rub resting on Sheldon's bedside table, scoped a bit out, and turned to put it on his chest, counterclockwise without him saying a word about it, "'Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur," she began to sing, her voice a bit deep and a hint off key, but Sheldon didn't seem to mind as he began to smile sleepily, starting to close his eyes, "Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.'"

"Thank you, Claire Bear," he murmured, settling down.

"No problem, Shelly Bean," she squeezed his hand absently and got up, motioning Penny out of the room, the blonde stunned at how easy it had been to get Sheldon _quiet_...

Only to see Leonard on his hands and knees outside the door, trying to sneak past the room without his glasses on but with a camera strapped to his head.

"You rat bastard," Penny crossed her arms, realizing what had happened and why Leonard was there when he claimed there was a power plant or something exploding at work.

"Hi!" Leonard scrambled to his feet.

Claire rolled her eyes and move to the front door, opening it and pulling in Howard and Raj as she suspected they wouldn't be far from Leonard, before they could run off, pulling them into the room with Penny marching Leonard in.

"You three deliberately stuck me with Sheldon!" Penny glared at them as they were shoved to sit on the couch.

"Well, we _had_ to, you see what he's like!" Leonard argued.

"I don't know what y'all are talking about," Claire shook her head, "Shelly's not that bad. He's actually a whole lot easier to deal with when he's sick you know."

"Easier?" Leonard snorted the same time Howard cried out, "Not that bad?"

"Not that bad?" Howard repeated as he gaped at her, "The crash of _the_ _Hindenburg_ wasn't that bad compared to Sheldon!"

"Claire!" Sheldon called in the distance, "Are you still here? I'm hungry."

Howard gestured at the hallway as though there was the proof.

Claire rolled her eyes and pointed at the couch, warning them not to move, "Stay there and watch the professionals."

Penny stood to the side, keeping an eye on the boys to make sure they didn't run, as Claire walked to the hall, "I know Shelly," she called, "I'm gonna make you some nice grilled cheese and orange juice to eat, how's that sound?"

Penny really hoped Sheldon didn't ask for anything different, from what Claire had said, she could really only make grilled cheese or soup.

Yet that was just what Sheldon did, "But I want oatmeal. It's oatmeal day today."

Leonard gestured at that but Claire shot him a narrow eyed look and continued.

"You _know_ as well as I do, Shelly, that the Sick Day meals overrule the scheduled meals."

"...I know," came Sheldon's reply a moment later.

And then…it was _quiet_.

Claire smirked and turned to the boys, "You just gotta know how to handle him and he's a big old teddy bear when he's sick."

The boys just stared, gaping, as she proceeded to make a quiet Sheldon his food.

~8~

Sheldon stepped out of his room the very next day, feeling better than ever, smiling, walking into the kitchen area with a skip in his step, "Good morning Leonard," he cheered, moving to make himself some cereal, and it was a good day wasn't it? He felt SO much better than he had just yesterday.

"Feeling better?" Leonard eyed him, honestly surprised by how chipper he sounded.

"Much," he nodded, "Thank you."

There was a knock on the door and Penny peeked her head in slowly before entering, "Hey guys...um, Sheldon, Claire wants to know if she could borrow your um, throw up bucket?"

Sheldon frowned, setting down the cereal box he'd been about to open, "Why?" he asked, even as he moved to get it from under the sink, slipping on some rubber gloves as he did so.

"It looks like she caught what you had," she shrugged.

Sheldon straightened and walked over to Penny, the girl holding to her hand for the bucket...

Only for him to walk past her, out of the apartment, across the hall, and into Claire's room.

"Shelly?" Claire looked up as Sheldon entered, Leonard and Penny following curiously behind, watching as he sat next to her on the edge of the bed that was piled high with blankets and pillows, Claire cocooned in the middle of a mess of sheets and looking pale and even more stuffed up than Sheldon had been, "I feel sick."

He offered what Leonard might have described as an almost empathetic smile (if he believed that Sheldon knew the meaning of empathy) and showed her the bucket he'd brought, "Well, as per our best friend agreement, it's my turn to take care of you then."

Claire had _just_ started to smile back...before she sat up quickly, turning slightly as she grabbed the bucket from him and threw up into it, Penny and Leonard watching, wide eyed, as, instead of backing away, Sheldon sat beside the sick girl, holding her hair back, rubbing her back with his other rubber glove-clad hand.

A/N: I could see Sheldon, as a child, when he's first starting to learn how to make contracts and agreements as sort of 'falling for' a quid pro quo agreement where he and Claire are both giving and taking and neither gets one more than the other has :) For him, that's how it always is, Claire takes care of him, he takes care of her. Even if he takes precautions and uses rubber gloves and other things to do it, he would still take care of her if she fell ill first :)

Also, sorry this was late :( I was waiting on a phone interview for a job and preparing for it and the person called 2 hours later than they were supposed to...and apologized because they had forgotten to put the time zone on when they would call me from their company headquarters instead of their New Jersey branch :( But I hope you liked the chapter :) I wanted to try and blend Claire not being around Sheldon and how much he talks about her now that people know about her with also how she likes to be there for him and around him too :)

Some notes on reviews...

I will continue the Hook story yup :) I'm more getting my first OUAT story caught up through Season 4 first, and putting one story between that and Lyssa to break up the OUAT OCs ;) It should be back around August 19th :) I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! :)

Penny might just convince Claire to get out and party a bit yup ;) And there will be other guys around that Sheldon might have to see Claire with ;) We'll also see a bit of Claire's 'dating advice' when Penny gears up to maybe date Leonard, though her idea of dating advice might be a bit...old fashioned ;)

It made sense to me ;) Hell might have gotten a few degrees cooler yup ;) But it just heated back up again when he brushed it off...something he may not be able to do one day when he actually realizes what he felt when he saw Claire ;)

Claire might be a bit hesitant to date Wheaton, more because he's Sheldon's 'arch nemesis' but when they eventually become something like friends she might warm up to him ;)

There'll be many more subtle references to Claire and her family and an expansion of things too :) I can say there'll be a moment where Claire alters something, something that makes Penny question why Claire isn't involving her own mother in it, that Claire really talks about her family but we may not see that till...season 6 ;)

I can say we just might see a loopy sort of Claire one day ;) Not quite drunk as she can't really drink alcohol, but that's not to say there aren't other ways like laughing gas with a dental procedure or something ;)


	6. The Jerusalem Duality

The Jerusalem Duality

"Here's the problem with teleportation," Sheldon began as he sat down, ready to begin eating lunch with Leonard and Claire in the university cafeteria. Ever since Claire had gotten a position there as the newest English Professor, she had made a point of eating lunch with the boys, usually sitting at the end of the table so as not to disrupt the balance or force one of the other boys to sit somewhere else.

Really, it had been a coin toss, a literal coin toss.

Sheldon had insisted, the first time she joined them for lunch, that she sit next to him, because that was HER spot, he proclaimed. And she supposed it sort of was, she did tend to end up on the armrest of the couch in Sheldon's apartment, not quite on his spot, but not on the couch in an actual spot either. She liked the armrest. She might be a taller woman, but Sheldon was still a very tall man and she liked the little added height the armrest gave her over him. Over time it had just grown to be where she sat as Sheldon, no matter where he was, always tended to pick a spot on a chair or couch or armchair with an armrest by it, so it just fit that that would be where she sat, the armrest next to Sheldon. It saved her the process of having to find somewhere to sit, which was an enormous relief. She could go from a chair to the floor to a table to the back of a couch to standing or pacing if she couldn't pick where to sit. And it was always so hard! It was a little easier when there were more people around and less spots to pick from but when she had open choice it just got to be too much. What if she picked the wrong place? What if that place belonged to someone else already? What if it was right under the lights and she ended up squinting at everyone? What if she wanted to talk to someone and they were on the other side of the area?

It was just too much...so she let Sheldon pick a spot and then would just sit on whatever armrest was nearest, problem solved.

That didn't really help though in the cafeteria where there were no armrests.

Sheldon had tried to get her to sit beside him, but then it left the other three men displaced and, really, when it came down to it, she might be Sheldon's oldest friend, but THIS was the routine and pattern he had with his new friends and SHE was the displacement here. She didn't want to throw anyone else off so she'd compromised with him, she would sit next to him, but on the end of the table. He hadn't liked that but had agreed to the coin toss after she'd mentioned that he would be asking the others to give up THEIR spots just for her when he knew how he felt about his own spot. She'd won the toss and now the boys got their spots and she still got hers too.

Leonard sighed, not sure where this topic had come from but going with it as he didn't have anything else that was interesting to talk about at the moment, "Lay it on me."

"Assuming the device could be invented," Sheldon began, "Which would identify the quantum state of matter of an individual in one location, and transmit that pattern to a distant location for reassembly..."

"Then it means you're not actually transporting someone but shredding them apart in one place to recreate them in another," Claire finished.

Leonard blinked at that and looked at Claire, surprised she'd been able to guess Sheldon's point.

Claire just patted his arm, "You don't spend as much time around Shelly as I have and not pick up a few things about how he thinks. I think you probably could have gotten that from his use of the word 'reassembly.'"

"Personally, I would never use a transporter," Sheldon continued, "Because the original Sheldon would have to be disintegrated in order to create a new Sheldon."

"Would the new Sheldon be, in any way, an improvement on the old Sheldon?" Leonard asked.

"No, he would be exactly the same."

"That _is_ a problem."

"So, you see it too."

"Oh Shelly," Claire laughed, seeing that Sheldon had completely missed the point of Leonard's remark.

"Dr. Hofstadter, Dr. Cooper, Dr. Benson," an older man approached them, the head of the University, with a young Asian boy beside him.

"Dr. Gablehauser," they greeted.

"Ladies and gen..."

" _Lady_ ," Claire corrected quickly, pointing to herself and gesturing at the table, "One lady present. Singular."

"I'd like you to meet Dennis Kim," Gablehauser ignored her, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder, "Dennis is a highly sought after Doctoral candidate and we're hoping to have him do his graduate work here."

"Graduate work, very impressive," Leonard complimented, eyeing the boy who appeared to be very young, barely a teenager if he had to guess.

"And he's only 15 years old!" Gablehauser added, patting Dennis on the shoulder.

"Not bad," Sheldon remarked, though he sat a little straighter, a pompous air coming to his next words, "I myself started graduate school at _14_."

"Well, I lost a year while my family was tunneling out of North Korea," Dennis shrugged, causing Sheldon's smirk to fall at the implication that Dennis would have begun school much earlier, at 14 as well, had he been out of his country at the time.

"Advantage Kim," Leonard said under his breath.

"I thought maybe you boys could show Dennis around," Gablehauser continued, "Let him see why we're the best physics research facility in the country."

Claire rolled her eyes at that, but she understood why he was asking the boys to do it, clearly Dennis and his research were of the more scientific variety as opposed to the written word.

"I already know you're not," Dennis cut in, sounding bored, "You don't have an open science grid computer or a free electron laser and the string theory research being done here is nothing but a dead end."

Claire winced at that, knowing exactly which of the two men with her would take that remark as a personal slight...

"Excuse me," Sheldon scoffed, offended, "That is _my_ research, and it is by no means a dead end."

"Well, obviously you don't see it yet, but trust me, you will."

"Dennis," Gablehauser looked at him, almost stern, "We discussed this, we're in the process of updating our equipment, and we welcome your input on our research goals, and we've agreed to look the other way if you want to use up to 20% of the grant money you attract to smuggle your grandfather out of Pyongyang," he turned to Sheldon and Leonard, "We want him here boys, make it happen!" he pointed at them.

"Yes sir," Leonard nodded as the man walked off, leaving Dennis with them.

"You can count on us, we're on it," Sheldon added, waiting till the man left through the cafeteria's double doors before hissing at Dennis, "What the hell do you mean 'dead end?'"

Dennis rolled his eyes, "I mean, the whole landscape of false vacuums in string theory could be as large as ten to the five-hundredth power. In addition…"

"Oh look Dennis," Claire cut in, seeing how Sheldon was getting more worked up, standing to move to the boy's side, turning him to face one of the vending machines off to the side, "Chocolate milk! Why don't you go get some, on me," she handed him a dollar.

The boy shrugged but walked off to get some.

"I sense a disturbance in the Force," Sheldon frowned, watching Dennis putting the dollar into the machine to get his milk.

"A bad feeling I have about this, mhmmm," Leonard smirked, mimicking Yoda almost to a T.

"Are your spidy sensing tingly Shelly?" Claire laughed, joining in a little.

Lord knew Sheldon was one of her best friends and a brilliant man...but she was also very aware that he was arrogant as anything. And while he did have a right to be proud of his intelligence, he really did, sometimes he took it way too far, into condescension and even to a superiority complex she was trying to tamper down. He could do with a little stiff competition, and from a boy that was just as brilliant as he had been as a child...it could be a good thing.

"Yes, as a matter of fact they are," Sheldon nodded.

~8~

"So, Dennis, how long have you been in America?" Leonard asked as the three of them led Dennis down a hall, giving him a tour as Gablehauser had requested.

"A year and a half," he answered.

"No kidding. You speak English really well."

"So do you."

"Except that you do tend to end your sentences with prepositions most of the time," Claire cut in, Dennis smiling at that.

"What are you talking about?" Leonard frowned.

"That," both she and Dennis remarked.

Claire laughed, "It's alright Leonard, just cos I teach English doesn't mean I use it properly all the time either. Just because you understand something, or know something a little bit better than others, don't mean you've gotta shove it in their faces every single time," she smiled, turning to her side where Sheldon was unlocking a door, "Right Shelly?"

"What?" Sheldon looked back at them, not having heard her remarks.

Leonard had to laugh at that, Sheldon was...pretty much exactly what Claire had been trying to say, someone that knew 'more' about something than others yet constantly pushed it in their faces. How on earth the two of them ended up being friends was completely beyond him.

"Nothing," Claire shook her head, amused.

"Right, well, this is my office," Sheldon muttered, not quite opening the door but standing there with it cracked just a bit.

"Is this part of the tour?" Dennis asked.

"Nope. Goodbye."

"Shelly," Claire cut in, crossing her arms and giving him 'the look' his mother always gave him as he tried to sneak into the office, "Don't be rude."

He sighed, "Oh, alright," he opened the door, showing them his office, a rather basic space, "This is my desk, these are my books, this is my door," Sheldon pointed out, missing the whiteboard that was set up just beside his desk, "Please close it behind you. Goodbye."

"Looks like you're doing work in quantum loop corrections," Dennis commented, spotting the equations written on the whiteboard.

"Keen observation," Sheldon agreed, "Goodbye," he gestured at the door.

"You see where you went wrong, don't you?"

Sheldon's lips pursed at that, "Claire?"

"Yeah?" she looked at him from where she was sorting through a few books in her messenger bag that she'd placed on one of his chairs, trying to get her next lesson set up now that she'd lost the half hour she was going to use prepping to join the boys.

"Get him out."

"Get him out what?"

"Get him out please."

She rolled her eyes, but turned, slinging the messenger bag over her shoulder, putting a hand on Dennis's shoulder to turn him back, "Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the rec center."

"They've got nautilus equipment," Leonard added, moving to go with them, a little surprised that Sheldon had said please but if he wanted the boy out of his office, he didn't put it past Sheldon to actually be polite...as polite as he could be...to Claire so she'd do it.

"Do I look like I lift weights?" Dennis deadpanned.

"Not...heavy ones."

Dennis just turned back to Sheldon's board, "It's startling to me you haven't considered a Lorentz Invariant Field Theory approach."

Claire winced at that, getting the feeling Dennis was more trying to bait and goad and taunt Sheldon now.

"You think I haven't considered it?" Sheldon's eyes narrowed at the boy, moving to stand in front of his equations to block his sight of it, "You _really_ think I haven't considered it?"

" _Have_ you considered it?"

Sheldon was silent before turning to Claire, "Get him out, Claire. Please."

Claire nodded, seeing that Sheldon really was getting upset now. He hadn't even needed her to nudge him to say please, which meant something, "Come on, Dennis, how about Leonard shows you the radiation lab?" she offered.

Dennis shrugged and moved to follow them out, only to see a certificate on Sheldon's wall just beside the door frame, "Wow, you won the Stephenson award."

"Yes," Sheldon smirked, feeling smug again, "In fact I am _the youngest_ person ever to win it."

"Really, how old?" Dennis glanced back at him.

"14 and a half."

Dennis nearly snorted, "You _were_ the youngest person ever to win it," before he walked out.

Claire patted Sheldon on the shoulder, moving to follow the boy as Leonard laughed at Sheldon's put out expression, "It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror, isn't it?"

~8~

"Mmm," Penny chewed her takeout as she and Claire hung out with the guys that night, her in the middle of the couch, Raj to her right, Sheldon on her left, Howard on the floor, and Leonard in the armchair. Claire had taken her customary spot on the armrest beside Sheldon, "This is _really_ delicious, isn't it?" she looked at Raj who uncomfortably nodded, "Still can't talk to me unless you're drunk, huh?" he shook his head and she hugged him with one arm, "Oh, sweetie, you are so damaged."

"Hey, I'm damaged too," Howard called, perking up the second Penny had moved to initiate contact with Raj, "How about a hug for Howie?"

"Sure," Penny smirked, "Raj, hug Howard."

The two men glanced at each other, Raj shrugging, all for it, though Howard shook his head and went back to eating, making Claire laugh under her breath at that, reaching out to high-five Penny behind Sheldon's back as the blonde grinned victoriously.

Sheldon, however, was not about to take part in the teasing or ease of the night as he sighed dramatically, which just made Leonard smirk instead, "Something you'd like to share?" Leonard baited, "A tale of woe perhaps?"

"Oh leave him alone, Leonard," Claire hit him lightly on the arm with the back of her hand, "You don't like it when Shelly puts down your intelligence or accomplishments, do you?"

"No," Leonard muttered, looking down, feeling like he was being scolded by his father.

"Then don't do it to..."

"15 years old," Sheldon lamented, cutting into Claire's minor scolding, "Dennis Kim is 15 years old, and he's already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to…you know, that other guy."

"Antonio Salieri," Claire answered, taking a bite of her food.

"Oh, God, now even _you're_ smarter than me!" he cried, his eyes wide as he looked at Claire.

But, where others might be offended by his words, take them to mean that he thought she was naturally dumber than he was on a good day, she just laughed and patted his head in a teasing way, "I've _always_ been smarter than you Shelly, because I'm a woman. And women are, genetically, smarter than men."

"Are not!"

"Oh Shelly, you do not want to get into a battle of the sexes debate with me over intelligence," Claire just pat his head once more.

"Yeah," Howard, of all people, actually agreed with her, "You should be careful Sheldon. You don't have so many friends that you can afford to start insulting the first one you ever had."

"I'm not insulting her," Sheldon defended, "We're debating."

"No, you're pouting and calling it a debate," Claire remarked, taking another bite of her food.

"Just eat Sheldon, you'll feel better," Leonard encouraged, really NOT wanting an argument about the battle of the sexes to get out right now, he didn't think Penny would appreciate it and well...he'd worked hard to not let Sheldon insult her so much that she wanted nothing to do with them. Hearing Sheldon's opinions about which sex is the better one would probably have Penny storming back to her apartment and never speaking to any of them again.

"Why waste food," Sheldon sighed, setting down his meal, "In Texas when a cow goes dry they don't keep feeding it, they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes."

"I'm confused, did Sheldon stop giving milk?" Penny asked Claire.

"No, there's a physics prodigy that's been one-upping him all day," Claire explained.

"You _can't_ let this kid get to you," Leonard added, "You always knew that, someday, someone would come along who was younger and smarter."

"Yes, but I assumed I would have been dead hundreds of years, and that there would be an asterisk by his name because he would be a cyborg," Sheldon countered.

"So, you've got a bit of competition, I really don't see what the big deal is," Penny shrugged.

"Well of course _you_ don't, you've never excelled at anything."

"Shelly," Claire gave him _the look_.

"I don't understand, exactly how did he get any friends in the first place?" Penny asked them all, "How the hell did YOU end up being his friend?" she looked at Claire for that one, really Sheldon was so...infuriating and insulting at times, how was it possible that anyone put up with him this long?

"We liked Leonard," Howard shrugged.

"I was his sister's friend first," Claire explained, "Shelly only ever let me over the house because he thought I was smart enough. Though, he DID try to stop Missy hanging out with me at one point..."

"That's because I wasn't going to let a kindred intellect fall into the ditch the rest of my family lives in," Sheldon argued.

"Well, what are you going to do, Sheldon, give up?" Leonard asked him.

"Yes," he nodded, resolute, "That's what a rational person does when his entire life's work is invalidated by a post-pubescent, Asian wunderkind. He ceases his fruitless efforts, he donates his body to scientific research, and he waits to die!"

And with that, he got up and headed for his room.

"You know, I'm confused again, is he waiting or do we get to shoot him between the eyes?" Penny asked.

"I give it till morning before he's done waiting and deciding to put his intelligence to another field," Claire remarked, knowing Sheldon was just being dramatic. He'd be a bit huffy for a few more hours and then he'd pick himself back up and want to one-up Dennis instead, excel in another field to show the kid up.

~8~

The boys, minus Sheldon, were gathered in the apartment, trying to find a non-lethal way of removing Dennis before Sheldon drove them all insane. Claire had been right, almost to the exact hour that Sheldon started to try and find a new occupation and 'put his intelligence to another field' by seeing what _their_ jobs were like for potential new pursuits...and only ended up insulting them and, even at times, showing he was better than _them_ at fields he didn't even specialize in!

Dennis had to go.

The only way, short of reporting him to Korea or killing him, was...a girl, they had decided, distract him with a girl and he would be useless.

But just as they began to plot how they would even be able to find a girl interested enough in him or one that he'd be able to talk to, the door to the apartment opened and Sheldon walked in, Claire behind, "Please Shelly!" she sounded like she was begging as Sheldon walked quickly _away_ from her, "You didn't even sit through half the class!"

"Because it was _tedious_!" he argued, "And my intellect needs _stimulation_ …"

"But Shelly," she mock-whined, the boys able to see an almost-smirk on her face, as though she'd done something on purpose and was reaping the rewards, "You can't just walk away! YOU were the one who wanted to see what my English classes were like…"

The boys stared.

"And it was a mistake," Sheldon agreed, moving to his laptop to try and google what he should do with his life.

She sighed lightly, crossing her arms, "Fine, see if I let you in my class when we start on _Tolkien_."

Sheldon straightened at that, turning in his seat to frown at her, "Now that's just not fair."

"Serves you right," she countered, turning to walk out, giving the three speechless boys a wink as she passed them.

The three boys turned to stare at Sheldon, realizing what had happened. Apparently, while they had all but told him to go away, literally throwing Sheldon out of their labs with yelling after he had irritated them to the point of no return...Claire hadn't. Claire had taken him in and gone about her business...and _Sheldon_ had left HER job.

"Ah," Sheldon smiled, seeing he had their attention now, "Look, amidst my slowly losing my mind in the middle of Claire's lecture about the proper use of pronouns, I've decided that if the three of you drop whatever it is you're working on and join me, we could lick cold fusion in less than a decade, 12 years tops," their stares turned into something else, something familiar, something he had seen them direct at him all day just before they kicked him out of their labs, irritation, "Go away?" they nodded, "Hmm. Could it be me?" he wondered, getting up to leave, before shaking his head, "No, Claire didn't have that reaction," he shrugged and headed to his room.

It had to be the others then, Claire only got annoyed when something was REALLY irritating her, and that hadn't been him, so it had to be them.

~8~

"Hi guys!" Claire smiled as she opened the door to hers and Penny's apartment, hearing a knock on the door, a normal knock, to see Howard, Leonard, and Raj standing there.

"Is Penny here?" Leonard asked.

"Sure thing, Pen!" she called as Penny walked over.

"Oh, hey guys, what's up?" she greeted.

"We need a hot, 15 year-old, Asian girl with a thing for smart guys," Howard cut right to it.

"What?" Penny asked, before looking at Claire.

"I have...no idea," she shook her head, holding her hands up.

"Howard, that's racist," Leonard scolded, before turning to Penny, " _Any_ 15 year-old girl will do the trick."

Penny just slammed the door in their faces.

"It's possible she may have misunderstood us..." they heard Raj remark through the wood.

"What was THAT about?" Penny looked at Claire as they got back to the couch and their 'Sex in the City' marathon, picking up the ice cream they had been eating before they'd been interrupted.

"That Dennis Kim boy," Claire shrugged, "I'm guessing they're hoping a girl will distract him? Maybe? I really don't know."

"Yeah," Penny scoffed, "Like that'll work."

"I don't know, it just might," Claire glanced at her, "You manage to distract Leonard..."

Penny started coughing and choking on her ice cream at that, "Like I _what_?"

Claire just patted her on the back, "Oh sugar, you can't tell me you DON'T see how Leonard would follow you around like a puppy if you let him."

"...really?" Penny asked, actually a little surprised and...and maybe a bit touched by that.

"Oh yeah," she nudged her.

"Huh…" Penny murmured, thinking on that with a small smile.

Claire had to hide her grin behind the next scoop of ice cream she took, seeing Penny's gaze turn a bit distracted, knowing she wasn't watching the show any longer but more thinking about what she'd just said about Leonard. That boy was so sweet on her but...she got the feeling Penny hadn't really SEEN it till now...well, now she did.

She left if for now, not entirely sure if she should get that involved in Penny's life or love life, they'd been roommates such a short time and she didn't want to do anything to upset Penny. She'd just have to...wait, just a little, till _Penny_ brought it up to _her_ and then she was not going to hold anything back about her thoughts on them, on...Lenny?

No...Pennard?

Hmm...she'd have to think of a good name for them soon.

~8~

"I really _don't_ understand your objections, Professor Goldfarb," Sheldon sighed as he spoke with one of the Jewish Professors while they stood off to the side of the welcome party being hosted for Dennis, "Why wouldn't the Sonoran Desert make a perfectly good promised land?"

"Go away," Goldfarb stated.

"We could call it Nuevo Jerusalem."

"Please go away."

"Said Pharaoh to Moses," Sheldon muttered as he walked towards the buffet table.

"Hey guys!" Claire called as she walked over to Howard, Leonard, and Raj, having just gotten there and spotted Gablehauser leaving them, "How are things going?"

She'd gotten Leonard to tell her what their plan was exactly, given that he had asked her to attend the welcoming in case the plan didn't work and Sheldon became more depressed when Dennis was officially welcomed as a graduate student there.

"We now have a socially awkward genius in a room full of attractive, age-appropriate women," Leonard told her, gesturing around at all the young, teenage girls walking about, "Bring your daughter to work day is a go."

"All he has to do now is hook up with one of them," Howard looked around, only to see Dennis picking his ear and not seeming interested in the girls at all.

Claire laughed, "Are any of you seeing the flaw in this plan?" she nodded at Dennis, "Socially awkward? How's he supposed to even start talking to ONE girl let alone a room full of them?"

Raj turned and whispered in Howard's ear, "He's right, we need a social catalyst."

"Like what?" Leonard asked.

"No," Claire shook her head as Raj moved to speak, "If you're about to say get them drunk, like you, no. You can't."

"Or can we?" Howard actually contemplated it.

"No."

"I don't think you mean we _can't_. I think you mean we _shouldn't_."

"No!" she reached out and smacked his arm.

"Ow!" Howard pouted.

"There will be no under-aged drinking here, do you understand me!" she pointed at the boys, all of them holding up their hands in surrender at how she was nearly shouting at them, or would be, but her whispered hissing was really quite threatening in its own way...which was made all the more so by the fact that she was normally such a nice and bubbly girl, and now she was glaring at them.

Just then Sheldon walked over, looking at a taco in his hand, "Hey, Howard, you're a Jew. Tell me, if there was another wailing wall, exactly like the one in Jerusalem, but closer to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs, would you still be able to wail at it?" he looked up at them, to see Howard giving him a look, that same irritated look as before but stronger, "Ok," he muttered, conceding defeat, "It's definitely me," and then he noticed Claire, "Claire!"

"Hello Shelly Bean," she smiled, Leonard a little befuddled as he slowly lowered his hands at how she'd gone from Mrs. Glarey McGlarinton to Smiles Smileson just at Sheldon's greeting.

"What are you doing here?"

"Leonard invited me," she nodded at the boys.

Sheldon, however, frowned and looked at Leonard, "Why did you invite MY best friend to this?"

Leonard blinked at Sheldon's tone, it sounded like a cross between suspicious, irritated, and almost...jealous. But no, that was impossible, the great Sheldon Cooper hardly ever experienced human emotion like that, it had to be something else then. Maybe that taco he was eating wasn't sitting well with him and he'd just been mid-burp or something, "I thought you'd like her to be here?" he offered.

"Oh," this time Sheldon blinked, and nodded, the small flash of irritation he'd felt at Leonard seemingly trying to take his friend away faded, "Thank you."

"Come on Shelly," Claire turned, "Let's go look at the buffet."

"But I was just there," he held up his taco as proof.

"Well I'M starving and you know how I get when I'm hungry."

"You stuff your face with whatever food's in front of you."

"Exactly," she chuckled, "And you know what that does to me too."

"Makes your tummy hurt."

"So I'm gonna need your help picking the more easily digestible foods now that you've examined them."

"Very well," he nodded, holding out an arm for her to follow him over.

Claire glanced back at them, 'Get on with it!' she mouthed over her shoulder, distracting Sheldon so they could come up with a plan for Dennis.

~8~

"Could I have everyone's attention please," Gablehauser called a short while later as everyone gathered around, "What a wonderful occasion this is. And how fortunate that it should happen to fall on 'take your daughter to work day.' We're here to welcome Mr. Dennis Kim to our little family."

"Welcome Dennis Kim," Sheldon muttered sarcastically.

"Shelly," Claire shook her head and he pouted, but kept quiet.

"Mr. Kim was not only the valedictorian at Stanford University, he is also _the youngest_ recipient of the prestigious Stephenson Award!" Gablehauser continued, making Claire close her eyes at that, he just HAD to go there, didn't he?

"Youngest till the cyborgs rise up!" Sheldon shouted standing from his seat a moment.

"Hush," Claire warned, reaching out to tug him to sit once more.

"And now, without any further ado, let me introduce the man of the hour, Mr. Dennis Kim!" Gablehauser gestured to the side...but Dennis was nowhere to be seen, "Dennis? Dennis!"

"What?" Dennis stepped around a corner.

"Would you like to tell us a little bit about your upcoming research?"

"Um, no thanks," he shrugged, "I'm going to the mall with Emma," he reached back behind the corner and pulled out a blonde girl, drawing her to his side as they walked out, hand in hand.

"Well, uh, well, uh…"

"The kid got a girl!" Leonard mumbled.

"Unbelievable," Raj shook his head.

"Did anyone see how he did it?" Howard asked, looking around for witnesses and then the corners of the ceilings for cameras.

Sheldon smirked and got to up, walking to Gablehauser's side, "Don't worry, I've got this," he told the man before turning to the crowd, "Ladies and Gentlemen, honored daughters. While Mr. Kim, by virtue of his youth and naivety, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. Thank you."

"He's back," Claire said in sing-song as she made her way over to the boys.

"Yeah, mission accomplished," Leonard sighed.

Raj turned and whispered into Howard's ear, "Raj says forget the mission, how did that little yutz get a girl on his own?" he shook his head, before sighing, "I guess times have changed since we were young. Smart is the new sexy."

"Well, why do we go home alone every night?" Leonard looked at him, "We're still smart."

Claire let out a gentle breath at that, knowing that there were other reasons, such as Howard's rather sexist view on women, Raj's inability to even SPEAK to women, and Leonard's...well, she wasn't sure what Leonard's reason was, he was a sweetheart...though it could be that, that he had his little crush on Penny keeping him from really making an effort. They had their reasons, but looking at their faces, and knowing how much it really must bother them that a young boy that was just like them growing up managed to find a girl that liked him and THEY hadn't, even now, she knew it had to hurt.

So she stepped up and put her arms around Leonard and Raj's shoulders, "Oh you guys are just _too_ smart," she squeezed them, "So smart it's off-putting!"

"Really?" the boys looked at her.

"Yeah," she nodded, before walking off, leaving them smiling...even as her own smile faded.

~8~

"What is it?" Sheldon asked as he moved over to Claire when he spotted her by the buffet table again, lingering but not really eating, just picking at her food. He'd noticed she'd gotten quieter than normal as the event wrapped up, had seen her standing around but not really talking to people or going up to introduce herself. She was, what his mother called, a Social Butterfly, she liked getting to know people...but she was just...standing alone, quiet, too quiet, a sign, he knew from Missy pointing it out enough that it finally stuck and made its way into his research about Claire's reactions (because really, was he actually going to believe MISSY was trying to help him with his research? Hardly, but after 114 times of her mentioning it, and observing it himself, he'd come to see it was true), meant she was upset about something.

"It's nothing Shelly," Claire tried to smile at him.

"If _I_ noticed, it must be something," he argued.

She sighed, "'Social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse you?'"

"Yes?" he tilted his head, not sure what was upsetting about that fact he'd stated.

"Shelly, would I still be your best friend without the best friend contract?"

He blinked, almost startled she'd ask, "Of course," he replied, not even hesitating.

"Well then, what _we_ have," she gestured between them, "Our friendship…IS a social relationship."

He slowly nodded, realizing what they had _was_ termed a social relationship...and he'd just said he was repulsed by them. He'd just insulted her. He didn't want that, he never really insulted her, never meant to do it at least. He respected her, she'd earned it after all the years they'd had together, all the things she'd done for him and put up with from him and how she tried, so hard, to understand him.

"There's an exception to every rule," he remarked, looking at her, "YOU are my exception, Claire Bear."

THAT brought a real smile to her face, "Thank you, Shelly Bean."

A/N: Awww :)

Some notes on reviews...

I feel like a lot of Sheldon's tendencies and his near-obsessions tend to come out with certain triggers, now that Claire is there and around him more and he gets to see her every day, he's more aware of how much he missed her and gets to talk much more about her with the others :) But they'll definitely start to pick up on it, very much ;) I'm glad you'd want her for a professor! We'll actually see a moment where she gets to read some reviews that her students leave about her so we'll get to see what they think of her too :)

That's ok if Shamy fans don't wish to read :) I tried to make it clear in the first A/N as a warning because I know some people really love Shamy and don't want anyone else with Sheldon at all and I'd really hate for them to read a story and see the Shamy happen but have it change :( I want people to enjoy the stories and if they prefer Shamy over an OC with him then that's perfectly cool ;) It will still have a Shamy part to it, but will just show a different feel to and end to their relationship than in the show :) I'm glad you're enjoying it so far :)

We might see Claire and Will closer at one point ;) I can't say if they'd be dating-close but after Sheldon resolves his issues with Will she'll be more open to talking to him...which just might make Sheldon find more issues with him lol :)

Oh Penny will definitely talk to Claire about her and Sheldon yup ;) As it turns out...I can say that Sheldon might not be the only oblivious one of the two of them, but Claire catches on MUCH quicker...especially with someone like Penny helping her see things she might have played off ;) Let's just say...we'll learn some of Claire's tells at that point ;)

I hope you enjoyed the end of this chapter too ;) And thank you, I'm really glad that I was able to help you too :') Things seemed to go ok with the interview, I got called in for a second one yesterday and they decided to have me meet with another higher-up for the interview after the first one. I had to wait for 2 hours for them to come in but I hope it means something good that they wanted me to meet them that day :) Awesome! I can't wait to see it, I'm sure it will be beautiful ;)


	7. The Bat Jar Conjecture

The Bat Jar Conjecture

"Ooh," Howard called as he and the guys sat around Sheldon's apartment, his cell phone out, scrolling through some new information he'd stumbled upon about a little event the four of them were very much looking forwards to, "More details about the new _Star Trek_ film! There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth."

"I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception," Raj laughed.

"Oh, please," Sheldon scoffed, rolling his eyes, "For Vulcans, mating or, if you will, Pon Farr, it's an _extremely_ private matter."

He had always liked that about Spock and the Vulcans. They reminded him very much of himself, he related to them. They were highly intelligent, they based their lives on logic, they didn't feel the need to touch much, and all other events were very private matters that others weren't aware of or involved in. He liked his privacy, it was why he'd set up a booby trap inside his room back in Texas so that only those how knew the password could pass without getting caught in a net.

...granted he'd had to change it every other day because Claire would always pass it along to Missy, not wanting to upset her other friend, and Missy would just go and blab it to everyone.

"Still, I'd like to know the details," Leonard had to agree, thinking more on an inter-species context than the other details, "His mother was human, his father was Vulcan, they couldn't just...conceive," he didn't think at least.

"Maybe they had to go to a clinic?" Howard laughed, "Imagine Spock's dad in a little room with a copy of 'Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears.'"

Sheldon just rolled his eyes at that, as though Spock's father would be forced to suffer through that.

"How come on _Star Trek_ everybody's private parts are the same?" Raj wondered, actually seeming to consider it deeply, "No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk, hey, get your thing out of my nose."

They looked over as there was a knock on the door a moment before Penny and Claire entered, "Hey y'all," Claire smiled brightly at them, her glasses perched on her nose, "Can you help?" she nodded at Penny who was holding her laptop open in her arms.

Penny held it up, "I was writing an email and the A key got stuck. Now it's just going 'aaaaaaa.'"

"What did you spill on it?" Leonard asked as he made his way over to her, taking the laptop.

"Nothing."

"Pen," Claire gave her the look she always gave Sheldon.

Penny sighed, damn that look was powerful, "Diet coke," she admitted quietly.

"And?"

"Yogurt."

"And?"

"A little nail polish?"

" _And?_ "

Penny nudged her, "Stop," she laughed, making Claire shake her head and join in.

Leonard chuckled, "I'll take a look at it."

"Thanks," Penny smiled at him.

"I tried," Claire shrugged, "But I'm much better at writing on a computer than fixing wires without someone telling me what to cross or clip."

"No problem," Leonard nodded, moving to set the laptop down on his desk, Penny hovering beside him to watch.

"What were you writing?" Sheldon turned his head to look at Claire as she cleaned her glasses on her shirt, feeling his lips twitch up as he recognized it.

It was a black shirt with the bat signal on it, one size too big for her but liked that for t-shirts. He knew, from extensive research for birthday and holiday gifts for which Missy offered her assistance picking out, that, when buying clothes for Claire, she preferred bigger t-shirts but fitted long-sleeved shirts, the same way she preferred baggy sweats or pajama bottoms but fitted jeans. He had bought her that shirt and even though it was not quite as black as it used to be (he really did need to give her a refresher course on proper laundry care), she still wore it.

"Hmm?" Claire blinked, looking up at him before sliding her glasses back on, "What makes you think I was writing anything?"

"Your glasses," he pointed at her, "You only wear your glasses when you're typing or reading and you mentioned writing just seconds ago...though now I'm realizing that may have just been an offhanded comment. You COULD have been reading as well..."

"Yes, Shelly, I _was_ writing," she chuckled lightly.

"Good," he smiled, happy he'd guessed correctly, he liked that...he got a little rush of pride in himself every time he guessed something about Claire correctly, "What was it?" he got right back to it.

Claire shrugged, nonchalant, "I'm just drafting an outline for a paper on the progression of female medieval characters, such as Morgan le Fay, from background character to antagonist to modern feminist/pseudo-protagonist through the different mediums of literature, art, motion picture, and television series."

The boys stared at her though Sheldon appeared to be nodding along.

"Huh?" Penny blinked at that, completely lost after the word 'paper.'

Claire smiled at her, "I'm trying to show how women in stories went from meek little things that are barely mentioned to being evil witches to being kickass bitches."

"I...might actually want to read that," Penny offered, grinning, "That sounds awesome."

"Even MORE awesome," Howard cut in, staring at his phone, wide-eyed, "In local nerd news, Fishman, Chen, Chowdry, McNair _aren't_ fielding a team in the university physics bowl this year!"

Penny opened her mouth to comment on how that was definitely NOT more awesome than what Claire had been saying but Claire just shook her head, seeming more amused at how the boys were getting excited about the news. She could understand their lack of interest, the literature they were interested in were all superheroes, mostly men, more modern.

"You're kidding!" Leonard turned to him, surprised and a little excited, "Why not?"

"They formed a barbershop quartet and got a gig playing Knott's Berry Farm!"

"Wow," Penny eyed them, moving to sit down in an armchair, "So in your world, you're like the cool guys."

"Recognize," Howard smirked.

"That means you're gonna be unopposed," Claire smiled, "Congrats."

"This is our year!" Leonard cheered, "With those guys out, the entire physics bowl will kneel before Zod!"

Penny looked at Claire as she moved to sit on the armrest beside Sheldon, for being so different she could see similarities between them, they both had a 'spot' and things like that, "Zod?"

"Kryptonian villain," she waved it off, "One of Superman's enemies."

Penny nodded, "Gotcha."

"Good story," Raj spoke, looking over Howard's shoulder and focused on the phone...before clapping his hands to his mouth in shock as he looked up to see Claire and Penny across from him, his mutism kicking in.

"Well count me out," Sheldon shook his head.

"What?" Howard looked at him, shocked, " _Why?_ "

"You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition?" Sheldon scoffed, "Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?"

"Come on, you need a four person team, we're four people," Leonard argued, gesturing between the four boys.

"By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a chuppah, and enter the Olympic bobsled competition."

"I want tickets to that please," Penny laughed, just imagining what it would be like to see those four boys in a bobsled meet.

"Oh come on Shelly Bean," Claire nudged him gently, "You should never leave your friends hanging."

"I'm not," he replied simply, looking up at her, "I've never 'left you hanging' before nor would I."

Claire smiled a bit at that, Sheldon had a very…unique…way of complimenting people and reaffirming their friendship, even if it slightly insulted other people, she knew it was meant to reassure her, "And I wouldn't do it to you either," she admitted quietly, not seeing Penny's eyes narrow slightly as she looked between the two smiling at each other, "How about this then...you can't leave your colleagues hanging," she continued, "Or must I quote one of Spock's most famous sayings?" she put a hand on Sheldon's shoulder, "'The needs of the many…'" she gave him a pointed look to continue.

"Outweigh the needs of the few," he sighed, nodding, "Or the one. Damn it," he muttered under his breath and turned to the guys, "I'll do it."

Claire looked at Leonard over Sheldon's shoulder and shot him a wink. He smiled and shook his head, Claire certainly knew how to handle Sheldon.

"Here you go Penny," Leonard glanced at the computer, seeing that he'd fixed it all up, "All done."

"Urg, thank you!" Penny stood up and moved to take her laptop, "I really didn't want to have to shut it down without saving my shopping list and I couldn't do it with the A going."

"No problem."

Claire patted Sheldon's shoulder once more and got up, moving to leave, when he reached out and tugged her hand, "Claire," he stopped her, turning to her, "Be sure not to type for too long," he reminded her, "You always get headaches when you stare at the computer for more than 6 hours."

Claire chuckled at that, "No worries, Shelly, I only just started. I've still got," she checked her watch, "5 and half more hours before I'm at risk for a migraine," she joked, though it was true, she did tend to get a dull throbbing in her head if she stared at the computer screen too long.

"5 and a half hours," Sheldon nodded, releasing her hand to fiddle with his own watch, "And my alert is set," he nodded, "I'll come remind you if you go past the designated time."

Claire rolled her eyes at that, but patted his shoulder, moving to leave with Penny...and if Sheldon did come knocking on her door 5 and a half hours later to find her sitting on Penny's couch still typing, 'in the zone' as they liked to call it, well...she DID get a headache, so it was probably a good thing he had.

~8~

Penny stood before the guys, a small version of a game show buzzer system set up before them as they sat on the couch, Claire at Sheldon's desk working on her laptop, researching some books and texts she'd need to get a hold of to really start on her work.

"Good afternoon," Penny began, playing the role of the game show host, "And welcome to today's Physics Bowl Practice Round. I'm Penny, and I'll be your host, because apparently I didn't have anything else to do on a Saturday afternoon, and isn't that just a little sad? Gentlemen, are you ready?"

"Yes," Leonard smiled.

"Of course," Sheldon nodded.

"Fire away," Howard grinned as Raj just put his thumb up.

"You know, it's none of my business, but isn't a guy who can't speak in front of women going to hold you back a little?" Penny asked them.

"Oh, uh," Leonard glanced at Raj, "He'll be ok once the women are mixed into the crowd," he reassured her, "He only has a problem when they're one on one ...and smell nice."

"Oh, thanks Raj," Penny smiled at the man, "It's vanilla oil."

" _I_ was actually the one who noticed..." Leonard began, before shaking his head, "Ok, let's just start."

"Ok," Penny looked down at the questions they'd given her of some old physics questions, not that she had any clue what the questions were even saying, but that wasn't her role to explain them, just ask though...she might save one or two and ask Claire if she might be able to explain them later, "The first question is on the topic of optics. What is the shortest light pulse ever produced?" a buzzer went off connected to Sheldon, a little light blinking so Penny knew who to call on, "Dr. Cooper."

"And, of course, the answer is 130 adoseconds," he replied.

"That is correct."

"I knew that too," Leonard called.

"Good for you, sweetie," she smiled at Leonard, "Ok, next question. What is the quantum mechanical effect used to encode data on hard disk drives?" Howard buzzed in, "Howard."

But Sheldon was the one who answered with, "And, of course, the answer is giant magneto resistance."

"...right," Penny frowned at how he'd answered instead of Howard, Claire just glanced over, shaking her head at the situation.

"Hey, _I_ buzzed in," Howard turned to him, irritated.

"But I answered, it's called _team_ work," Sheldon remarked.

"Don't you think _I_ should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer."

"By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal."

"Just ask another one," Leonard turned to Penny, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Ok," Penny skimmed the questions, "What artificial satellite has seen glimpses of Einstein's predicted frame dragging?"

Raj buzzed in and turned to whisper the answer to Howard when…

"And, of course, it's Gravity Probe B," Sheldon cut in.

"Shelly Bean," Claire turned around fully, "You _have_ to let somebody else answer when they are the ones that buzzed in."

"Why?" he frowned, genuinely not seeming to understand.

"Because it's polite," Penny offered as an answer.

"What do manners have to do with it?" Sheldon shook his head, "This is _war_. Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage to make sure nothing would ever grow again?"

Penny stared at him a moment before turning to Leonard, "Leonard, you said I only had to _ask_ questions."

"The objective of the competition is to give correct answers," Sheldon rolled his eyes, "If I _know_ them, why shouldn't I _give_ them?"

"Some of us might have the correct answers too," Howard grumbled.

"Oh please, you don't even have a PhD."

"Alright, that's it!" Howard stood up.

"Howard, sit down," Leonard huffed.

"Ok," he sighed, sitting back down.

"Don't worry Howard, I've got one you can borrow," Claire offered, throwing a look at Sheldon.

"English doesn't count!" Sheldon argued.

"It would count if they were questions on books."

"But they're not."

"But the answers are ones you read from books," Claire smirked in victory.

"That's not the point of war though," Sheldon tried to change the subject, knowing he might have just lost that battle of the small war he was currently engaged in.

Penny sighed, really not wanting this to continue, because lord knew Sheldon Cooper would argue until you either gave up or he trapped you without a response just to win. She glanced over at Claire, a thought striking her, and called out, "Claire?" she waited till Claire looked at her before gesturing at Sheldon, a pleading look on her face.

She had a theory of her own that she needed to test.

Claire nodded, understanding, and gave Sheldon the look, speaking firmly, "Shelly Bean, play _nice_."

Sheldon's lips pursed at the tone and scolding, but he sighed, huffingly, and crossed his arms, turning back to Penny, "Fine."

Leonard looked a little shocked at how easily Sheldon gave in but still he acted like a child and she'd treated him like a scolding mother...maybe he should try that one day. Still, looking at how irritated Howard was, he felt like he had to offer, "Maybe we should take a little break."

"Good idea," Sheldon stood and headed for his room, "I need my wrist brace, all this button pushing is aggravating my old Nintendo injury."

"I agree," Howard remarked as Raj whispered something to him the moment Sheldon turned the corner.

"What did he say?" Penny asked, moving to sit down on the armchair.

"He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a summer's eve," Howard answered.

"Yeah, and the bag it came in," Penny agreed.

"He's really NOT that bad," Claire had to defend her friend, "You just need to know how to handle him."

"Yeah, how DID you do that anyway?" Leonard turned to her.

She shrugged, "I spent a lot of time with Shelly and his family, I guess I just picked it up from his mama."

~8~

Claire sighed as she stood with Penny and the boys at the Physics Bowl a few days later, her hands in the pockets of her jacket. For as well as the practice round had gone after Sheldon started to play nice...or as nice as Sheldon Cooper could play, things got that much worse in the days after. Sheldon had gotten a bit obsessed with the Bowl and had tried to become the leader of the team, dictating their decision and uniforms and practice sessions, so much so that the other boys had decided to kick him off the team instead of quitting themselves and had found a 4th person to join them in his place, giving him nothing but a Batman Cookie Jar to soften the blow. She'd tried to talk to Sheldon after that, but he was determined to beat them all single-handedly with his own team, where he would be the only one answering. She'd pointed out he'd been a bit of a hypocrite forcing the others to wear the AA (Army Ants) shirts that HE had wanted, because HE had named the team that, when he himself had also said that it should be unanimous decision among the team and that no one should wear what they didn't want to when the other boys wanted to be tigers or some other thing. He'd argued that the others HAD actually agreed to be Army Ants in the end, which she knew was only because he'd likely made it difficult for them to disagree, but in the end the others had decided to be one team and it left him scrambling to assemble his beloved AA to compete.

"So, how do you feel?" Penny asked the guys, "Nice and loose? Come to play? Got your game face on?" they stared at her and she sighed, "Claire?"

"Are you ready?" she translated for the boys, not just left to translate them to Penny but Penny to them as well.

"Oh, yeah," Leonard nodded, "You know you don't have to stay for the whole thing..."

"Oh, no, no, I _want_ to," Penny smiled through a grimace, "It sounds _really_ interesting. And..."

"I'm her ride back," Claire explained.

"And that," Penny sighed, nodding.

"Gentlemen," Sheldon walked over to them, wearing a Star Trek themed golden shirt with an AA on the chest.

"Sheldon," Leonard greeted.

"Sheldon," Howard frowned.

"Hee hee, hee hee, hee hee, hee hee," Raj let out what they were sure was his attempt at a sinister laugh, though it just sounded more creepy than anything.

"Sheldon," Penny added, mimicking the boys...before they stared at her for it, "We're just going to sit down…" she pointed at Claire, "Coming?"

"Can't," she sighed.

"Why?" Penny frowned.

"Well…" Claire almost winced, but the attention turned to two people that had gotten onto the small stage and sat down at the AA table.

"Is _that_ your team?" Leonard asked, spotting an old man and a Spanish woman in the seats.

"Actually, I don't need a team," Sheldon remarked, "I could easily defeat you single-handedly. But the rules require four, so may I introduce, the third floor janitor and the lady from the lunchroom," he gestured to the table, "And what about your team?" he eyed the three men, "What rat have you recruited to the SS Sinking Ship?"

"Hello, Sheldon," Leslie Winkle, one of his coworkers that he was not at ALL fond of, stepped up behind him.

" _Leslie Winkle_?" Sheldon blanched.

"Yeah, Leslie Winkle," she smirked, "The answer to the question, who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?"

"Yes, well, I'm polymerized tree sap and you're non-organic adhesive so, whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory, and adheres to you."

"Oh, ouch," she rolled her eyes.

"What?" Penny shook her head, looking at Claire, really feeling even more lost than ever at that.

"He's rubber, she's glue," Claire turned to her, speaking quietly, "Whatever he says bounces off of him and sticks to her."

"Oh."

"Wait," Leonard shook his head, pointing at the stage, "You only have _2_ members up there."

"Yes well I hardly think I have to introduce you to my fourth," Sheldon remarked.

Claire sighed and unzipped her jacket, revealing a red Star Trek AA shirt, "That's why," she answered Penny's question from before.

Penny laughed a moment at the sight, red really seemed to clash with her red hair and _Star Trek_? Before trying to cover it up when Sheldon threw a glare at her for it, "Well…good luck with that."

"Thanks Pen," Claire rolled her eyes.

"Ok," Dr. Gablehauser called, taking his position at the podium, "If everyone could please take your seats."

Penny moved into the audience as the teams went to sit down.

"Here's your t-shirt," Leonard handed Leslie one that read PMS.

"PMS?" she eyed it, "It's a couple of days early, but…"

"No, it stands for Perpetual Motion Squad."

"Oh, right, of course, what was I thinking?" she asked sarcastically, following him up to join her team.

"Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to this year's Physics Bowl," Gablehauser smiled, "Today's preliminary match features two great teams…AA versus PMS?"

"All night long, y'all!" Howard called, standing and pointing at his back, that read 'We can Go All Night' before sitting.

"Ok, well let's jump right in, first question, for ten points...what is the isospan singlet partner of the Pi Zero Meson?"

Sheldon and Leonard slammed their hands on their buzzers.

"PMS?"

"The Eta Meson," Leonard answered.

Penny frowned, leaning a little to the side when she saw Claire mouth the same thing.

"Correct."

"Formal protest," Sheldon raised his brace-covered hand.

"On what grounds?"

"The Velcro on my wrist brace caught on my shirt."

"Denied. Alright, for ten points...what is the lightest element on earth with no stable isotope?"

The buzzer went off.

"AA?"

"And, of course, the answer is Technetium," Sheldon answered, Penny noting Claire did it again with the mouthing.

"Terrific. Next question...what is the force between two uncharged plates due to quantum vacuum fluctuation," and the buzz, "PMS?"

"Sheldon can suck on, the Casimir Effect," Raj smirked.

"Correct!"

The game went on like that for a while. PMS answering some questions, each member, while AA only answered through Sheldon. Penny couldn't help but notice that Claire just hit the button every time, but never said anything out loud, just...letting Sheldon answer. She could see from there though that Claire seemed to know a fair few questions' answers, not all of them, but enough where she could have gotten AA a few points if she'd answered first.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Gablehauser called, holding up a card an hour or so later, "I hold in my hand the final question. The score now stands AA 1150, PMS 1175. So, for one hundred points, and the match, please turn your attention to the formula on the screens. Solve the equation," he gestured at the screen beside him, some sort of complex math popping up on it.

"Holy crap," Raj breathed.

"What the hell is that?" Leonard gaped.

"It looks like something they found on the ship at Roswell," Howard remarked.

"Come on, think," Leonard turned to his team, "Leslie?"

"Leonard, it's not going to work if you rush me, you have to let me get there," Leslie muttered.

"You're never going to let that go, are you?"

"Ten seconds," Gablehauser called and Leonard hit the buzzer, "PMS."

"Sorry, I panicked," he admitted.

"Then guess," Howard hissed.

"Um, eight?" Leonard looked up as Gablehauser stared at him, "Point four?"

"I'm sorry, that's incorrect," Gablehauser turned to Sheldon, "AA, if you can answer correctly, the match is yours."

They all looked at Sheldon to see him staring at the board... _not_ answering.

"He doesn't have it," Howard breathed, awed, "He's got squat!"

Penny frowned, watching Claire more than Sheldon, who was starting to twitch uncomfortably, to see if the girl might mouth the answer. But she didn't seem to have any clue at all, instead reaching out to put a hand on Sheldon's elbow as it rested braced on the table in support.

"AA, I need your answer," Gablehauser called.

The third floor janitor reached out and buzzed, "The answer is minus eight by alpha," he said in a heavy Russian accent.

"Hang on, hang on a second, that's not our answer," Sheldon told Gablehauser before turning to the Janitor, "What are you _doing_?"

"Answering question," the janitor sighed, "Winning Physics Bowl."

"How do _you_ know anything about physics?"

"Here I am janitor, in former Soviet Union I am physicist. Leningrad Politechnica. Go Polar Bears."

"Well that's a delightful little story, but our arrangement was that you sit here and not say anything, _I_ answer the questions."

"You didn't answer question."

"Hey look, now maybe you have democracy now in your beloved Russia, but on this physics bowl team I rule with an iron fist," he made a fist in the air, before wincing, "Ow."

"AA, I need your official answer," Gablehauser called.

"Well it's not what he said," Sheldon turned back to him as Claire shook her head, already able to guess that, as luck would have it, that WOULD be the right answer.

"Then what is it?"

"I want a different question."

"You can't have a different question."

"Formal protest," he raised his hand.

"Denied."

So he raised it again, "Informal protest."

"Denied. I need your official answer."

"No. I decline to provide one."

"Well, that's too bad, because the answer your teammate gave was correct."

Sheldon stiffened at the information, "...that's your opinion."

"Alright, the winner of the match is…"

"Hang on," Leonard cut in, "Sheldon, is proving that you are single-handedly smarter than everyone else _so_ important that you would rather lose by yourself than win as part of a team."

"I don't understand the question," Sheldon stared at him.

Leonard sighed, waving Gablehauser on, "Go ahead."

"The winner is...PMS!" Gablehauser shouted as 'We are the Champions' by Queen started to play over the speakers of the stage, PMS jumping up and celebrating as Sheldon put his head in his hands. Though...the cheers died out rather quickly when Howard leapt off the small stage and tore his shirt open, waving it around his head before throwing it into the audience.

Claire got up and headed down, moving around to Penny, pulling the torn shirt off her head, the girl literally stunned frozen in disgust, "Thanks," Penny grimaced as Claire tossed the shirt away, "Hey," she grabbed Claire's arm as she moved to head over to PMS to congratulate them on a good game, "Why didn't you answer any of the questions?" Claire's eyes widened at that, "I know you knew some of them, I saw you saying them."

She sighed, glancing at Sheldon, the man glaring at Leonard and his team with a small pout, "Shelly Bean likes to seem smart," she told Penny quietly, "He's always trying to confuse others and use big words. I think it's his own little method of trying to make himself seem better than others," she let out a little chuckle thinking about that, "Missy, his sister, she actually told me once that _she_ thinks he does it because he doesn't want to lose _me_ as a friend to other people so he keeps trying to show off and prove that he's the best person to have as a friend because he's just 'better' than everyone else," she shook her head, "But that's ridiculous. Shelly's my best friend, whether he was the smartest man on earth or dumber than my brother. Still what Leonard said is true, he'd rather win on his own than win because someone else got it for him. So I let him answer."

Penny nodded, taking in everything Claire had said, adding more to her theory, but...she'd have to wait till she could meet this Missy girl, find out more of what Sheldon was like as a child before anything, "You're a good friend."

"Thanks," she grinned, "Now, let's go celebrate and try to stop PMS from rubbing it too much in Shelly's face."

~8~

Sheldon silently walked to his spot in the apartmnet, Leonard sitting beside it, "Sorry, somebody's sitting there," Leonard stopped him.

"Who?"

"My Physics Bowl Trophy!" Leonard shouted, pulling it out and holding it in Sheldon's face.

"That trophy is _meaningless_ ," Sheldon rolled his eyes, "I forfeited, therefore you did not _win_."

"I know someone who would disagree."

"Who?"

"My Physics Bowl Trophy!" he held it up again, before moving it in front of his mouth, speaking through it in a small voice, "'Leonard is so smart. Sheldon who?'"

"Alright that is very immature."

"You're right, I'm sorry," he lowered the trophy, only to wave it in his face again, doing the voice, "I'm not!"

"Hey Shelly," Claire called as she pushed the door open.

"Oh my god!" Leonard nearly jumped to his feet when he saw the state of her, "Are you alright?"

"What?" Claire blinked, startled at the concern in his voice, "Oh," she nodded, glancing at herself, "Yeah...I'm fine, Penny's kitchen though..." she winced at that. She was covered in flower, with egg yolk in her hair that she tried to get out, a smear of something brown on her cheek, and she may or may not have faintly smelled of smoke.

"What happened?" Sheldon stared at her, equally concerned.

"Penny gave me my first cooking lesson," she smiled brightly, "It didn't go so well," she frowned a moment, "If you hear the smoke alarms going off, don't be well...alarmed, Pen's setting up a few fans to blow the smoke out the window and the Tupperware I taped over the sprinklers should hold, but...yeah," she shrugged, "I know it's not much Shelly but...I got something for you!" she held up her hands, Sheldon just now realizing she had about four small cookies on a plate, a little burned on the edges, a little darker than they normally were, but edible.

Sheldon actually smiled and stepped up to take it, "Thank you Claire Bear," he breathed, picking one up and munching on it, closing his eyes and groaning in delight at the taste, they were his meemaw's cookies, a little...over cooked, but still tasted just like the ones the woman always made to cheer him up whenever he was upset.

"I had to share the recipe with Penny," she admitted with a hint of apology in her voice, "But she wanted to help teach me and she needed to know what we were making...I don't think we're gonna be making cookies again any time soon...and not on that pan," she considered that, she should buy her a new cookie tin, "But I know you were upset about the Bowl and I knew the cookies always cheered you up real good."

"They do," he nodded, "Thank you."

"Ok, new contest," Penny called, striding into the apartment with a small stack of cards in her hands from a trivia game.

"What are you doing?" Leonard asked as she sat down in the armchair, Claire laughing as she moved to sit beside Sheldon on the armrest.

"Well, our apartment is still a little smokey, so we're gonna need some place to crash for the next hour or two and I thought, to pass the time, I would settle once and for all who is the smartest around here," Penny answered, crossing her legs and lifting one of the cards to read, "Ok, are you ready?"

Leonard and Sheldon glanced at each other a moment, before shrugging and sitting down.

"Absolutely," Sheldon nodded, munching on a cookie.

"Bring it on," Leonard smiled as Claire offered him one as well though he didn't take one based on the narrow eyed look Sheldon gave him.

"Ok," Penny readied the card, "Marsha, Jan, and Cindy were the three daughters of what TV family?"

The boys stared at her.

Claire glanced at them, waiting a moment later before hesitantly answering, "The Brady Bunch."

"Correct," Penny smiled, pleased Claire was at least answering that, giving her an encouraging nod to feel free to answer any others later, "Ok, Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth as the lead singer in what group?"

Sheldon and Leonard exchanged confused looks before they turned back to her, "The...Brady Bunch?"

"I think it's...Van Halen?" Claire guessed, not really a fan of that music but having heard of the band before.

"Right!" Penny pointed at her, "Madonna was married to this Ridgemont High alum?"

Silence.

"Sean Penn!" Claire cheered, starting to get into the game.

"How do you _know_ these things?" Sheldon asked her, shocked.

"Missy," she shrugged.

"Alright, here," Penny called, pulling their attention back, "What actor holds the record for being named people magazine's sexiest man alive?"

"William Shatner," Sheldon answered right away.

"Wait..." Leonard paused, considering the question, "I don't think it's Shatner."

"Then it's got to be Patrick Stewart."

"No!" Penny gaped at how their minds went right to Star Trek.

"Johnny Depp," Claire laughed, even SHE knew that one, and not from Missy either. That Johnny Depp was truly a sexy specimen.

"Formal protest," Sheldon held up his hand.

Penny sighed, staring at Claire incredulously, before she shook her head, "Alright, singer who sang 'Oops I Did It Again?'"

Sheldon started twitching.

"It's ok, Shelly," Claire put a hand on his shoulder, "I'm not really a fan of Brittney Spears either," she winked at Penny.

"Ok," Penny flipped through some cards, looking for the easiest one possible, "Tweetie Bird, taught he taw a what?"

Sheldon and Leonard looked at each other, almost smug, before Sheldon said, "Romulan."

Penny blinked, "...yes," she answered sarcastically, "He taught he taw a _Romulan_."

Sheldon and Leonard, clearly not seeing the sarcasm, did a victory hand slide, which only made Claire laugh.

A/N: We'll see a little more of Claire's thoughts on Leslie later ;) But ooh...Penny seems to be getting suspicious of something... }:)

Some notes on reviews...

Oh Claire is very much a Penny/Leonard shipper ;) I could see Sheldon sneaking into the lecture to try and put in his thoughts and the two of them ending up debating about certain things like...would Tolkien's original plan where Aragorn and Eowyn got married have made for a better story than Aragorn and Arwen marrying? Or something like that and the entire class just watching them go at it before the period's over and they're both like, ok, time for lunch, I wonder what they're serving? Lol :)

I actually address that in the first A/N of the story ;) I'm going to try and keep Amy as in character as possible, I won't turn her completely OOC or into a crazy, harsh, cruel w(b)itch ;) She's going to approach Claire and what she means to a relationship with Sheldon with logic though also using Penny's experiences and reactions as a basis for her own. I can say Amy will stay on as a friend to the group no matter what her relationship with Sheldon may or may not be, similar to how Penny remained friends with them even after she and Leonard broke up ;) So she won't do anything so terrible that they cast her out or hate her ;) Claire and Amy actually have a fair bit in common that would have made them very good friends, love of Chaucer and medieval lit, a deep care for Sheldon, seeing Penny as their first real/adult gal pal, which will all help them both later when the Claire/Sheldon happens :)

Penny will be a little hesitant around Amy, because she does know Claire first here, and she's going to be seriously shipping Claire/Sheldon when Amy comes around. But she's also taking cues from Claire about whether to accept Amy in the long run, which will happen :) Amy might start to see Penny and herself as the designated besties once they're both dating Leonard and Sheldon respectively, because they'd be dating the two men who are friends/roommates and Claire is just 'the friend' to Sheldon, so it might be tense at some points, but overall Amy will fit into the group :) Claire will try to get to know Amy and be friends with her as they do have a lot in common, but some things that Amy instigates, even in a sort of non-direct way will make Claire a bit distant with Amy and closer to Penny for a short while. They will all be good friends in the end though :) I'm glad you're excited for the future stories too! :)

Will will appear in the episode he first appears in normally, so not till the 3rd story ;)

Oh boy, I think Claire would probably kill Kripke first lol :) There will be something going on later in the story that would sort of make her more likely to be irritated and annoyed with him than date him, but we'll have to wait and see what it is ;)


	8. The Nerdvana Annihilation

The Nerdvana Annihilation

"Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster," Sheldon remarked as they sat in his apartment, eating sandwiches that had been delivered, Raj and Howard on the couch with Sheldon while Claire sat in the armrest, eating a sandwich of her own, Leonard over at his desk, his sandwich beside him, his laptop open before him.

"Why?" Claire asked, swallowing a bite of her chicken sandwich, "What'd they get wrong this time Shelly?" she added, knowing he had a particular way he liked having his sandwiches made.

"I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and Swiss on whole-wheat," he answered.

Raj shook his head before reaching out to write on a white board Claire had given him, since he still didn't seem able to talk around her and, now that she was there, she was around Sheldon more which meant they really needed another way for him to communicate besides whispering in people's ears, 'What did they give you?' he wrote.

"Turkey and roast beef with _Swiss and lettuce_ on whole-wheat," he huffed, earning him an odd look from the boys while Claire just continued to eat her sandwich, though she nodded along as though she understood what the problem was, "It's the right ingredients but in the wrong order," he explained to the others, "In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash," he let it flop back into his container, finished with it.

"Oh give it here Shelly," Claire reached out to take the container, careful not to touch his actual sandwich as she hadn't washed her hands and had just finished touching her own. Sheldon was rather big on germs and if he was already worried about the lettuce and Swiss touching in the wrong order, she could just tell he'd be at arms about her contaminating his turkey and roast beef sandwich with her chicken and white bread coated fingers, "It may still be salvageable," she got up and headed over to the kitchen, setting the container down and washing her hands before she really started to handle his food. The sandwich, from what she saw, just needed new bread and a bit of switching around and it would be just fine.

"I don't believe it," Leonard smiled at his computer.

"I know, it's basic culinary science!" Sheldon exclaimed with a huff, though he was watching Claire carefully perform her sandwich operation on his food.

"Some guy is auctioning off a miniature time machine prop from the original film and no one is bidding on it!" Leonard shook his head.

"A time machine from the movie _The Time Machine_?" Howard asked as the boys quickly gathered around him to look at the auction themselves.

"No, a time machine from _Sophie's Choice_ ," Leonard rolled his eyes.

Raj laughed, mumbling quietly as Claire was in 'another room' and his back was to her, "Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie. Did you see it? It's rough."

"Oh, that's cool," Howard eyed the picture of the prop, it really did look exactly like the one from the movie!

"Uh huh," Leonard beamed.

"It's only 800 dollars?" Raj asked, eyeing that someone had offered for it.

"Yeah. And that's my bid."

"You bid _800 dollars_?" Claire asked, walking over with a new sandwich for Sheldon, sounding a bit incredulous, "On a _miniature_?"

"It was a spur of the moment thing," Leonard shrugged at that, "I figured it would go for thousands and I just wanted to be a part of it."

"There's only 30 seconds left in the auction," Sheldon remarked, taking a bite of his sandwich and letting out a groan of delight at how it tasted just right, smiling through his munching mouth at Claire in thanks, earning a wink from her. He really should stop ordering from that sandwich place and ask Claire if she might consider making his sandwiches for him from now on, it was even better than he thought it would be!

Ooh, he pouted, no, that wouldn't work. Claire really was a bad cook, he was sure the only reason she'd been able to make that sandwich for him was that it was already a sandwich, she just switched the lettuce and Swiss, it wasn't all that hard. He distinctly remembered her trying to make a sandwich for him once, he was going to make her Lembas bread from _Lord of the Rings_ , a recipe he'd found on the internet in exchange. He'd managed to swallow the sandwich, which had been something as it ended up being bigger than his mouth could open, and slathered in mayo, and the tomatoes were leaking out the side, and there was too much lettuce, and he wasn't even sure why she thought it would be a good idea to put ketchup and mustard on the same sandwich with the mayo but he'd eaten it...and then requested that she not make sandwiches again after. It had just been a sloppy, towering mess. So he was actually rather thankful that this sandwich was already made and she wasn't adding anything to it but more performing surgery on it.

"Do you have $800?" Howard looked at Leonard, pulling Sheldon's thoughts back to the present.

"Not to blow on a miniature time machine," Leonard sighed.

Claire leaned forward, squinting as she read the description of the sale, not having her glasses on her as she hadn't been thinking she'd be reading anything when Sheldon invited her to have sandwiches with the boys. He'd apparently already ordered her a sandwich before she accepted so she really HAD to go have sandwiches with the boys, Penny was at her shift at an audition and she was home alone so there was no reason to say no. And Sheldon knew exactly the type of sandwich she liked so it wasn't like she had to pick what to eat.

"Don't worry," Howard waved it off, "The way these things work, there's people waiting till the last second to bid, and then they swoop in and get it, it's called sniping."

"Well he's got 15 seconds," Claire smirked.

"Come on, snipers," Leonard murmured.

"10, 9, 8…" she started to count down.

"Where are your snipers?"

"5."

"Snipe..."

"4."

"Snipe."

"3."

"Snipe!"

"2."

"SNIPE!"

"1."

"Oh come on!" Leonard groaned as the sale went off, the little page popping up telling him he was the winner of the auction.

"Congratulations," Claire patted him on the back, trying not to laugh at his defeated expression, "You got yourself a fine new-ish time machine, Leonard!"

"You lucky duck," Howard smirked.

"I wonder why no one else bid, this is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia," Sheldon frowned, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"Yeah, I know, I still can't afford it," Leonard sighed.

"Why don't we share it?" Howard remarked, "We'll each put in two hundred bucks and we'll take turns having it in our homes."

'A time share time machine,' Raj wrote on his whiteboard, 'I'm in.'

"Need you ask?" Sheldon smirked, getting excited, "But I still don't understand why no one else bid."

Claire laughed, shaking her head at the boys, "Oh, you will," she remarked mysteriously before she headed for the table, picking up her container and throwing it away, "See you boys later," she called, walking out, leaving them very confused.

~8~

The next day would find Sheldon, Raj, Howard, and Leonard standing in the bottom floor of the apartment building, staring at the _full-sized_ time machine before them, Claire on the bottom step of the stairs, having been on her way down when Sheldon had knocked on her door to tell her that the time machine was there and hurry! She'd still needed to put on shoes and had come to meet them there...and couldn't help but shake her head at them, crossing her arms as she eyed the enormous thing.

"I understand why no one else bid," Sheldon remarked.

"Behold the beauty of _small print_ ," Claire laughed, "It was written right there in the product details, the dimensions of it. See," she hopped down the last step and nudged Sheldon, "The English degree is good for something."

Sheldon just rolled his eyes at that.

'Did the listing actually _say_ miniature?' Raj turned to Leonard, holding up his white board for Leonard to read.

"I just assumed," Leonard shrugged, "Who sells a full sized time machine for 800 dollars!?"

"In a Venn diagram," Sheldon considered it a real question, "That would be an individual located within the intersection of the sets 'no longer want my time machine' and 'need 800 dollars.'"

"It's actually a tremendous bargain, even with shipping it works out to less than four dollars a pound," Howard offered.

'Cocktail shrimp are 12.50,' Raj wrote, agreeing.

"How are we going to get it upstairs?" Leonard frowned, shaking his head as he tried to work that one out. It wasn't like the one time Penny had asked them to bring a new mattress she'd ordered up to the fourth floor and they'd just needed to slide it and push it up...this was far larger, more complex, and much heavier.

"If we take the dish off it might fit in the elevator," Howard suggested.

"Yes but the elevator's been broken for two years," Leonard reminded him, pointing to the yellow caution tape that was stretched across the elevator doors.

"I've been meaning to ask you, do you think we should make a call about that?" Sheldon turned to him.

"Not necessary," Howard smirked, ambling over to it, "I have a Master's in Engineering, I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis, I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads. When the Mars rover started pulling to the left I performed a front end alignment from 62 million miles away," he pressed a few buttons on the lift, examining it, but nothing happened, "No," he turned back to them with a sheepish grin, "That baby's broken."

"Good," Claire smiled, and the boys looked at her, "What? I don't like elevators."

"Claire has a phobia of elevators," Sheldon explained.

"Yes," Claire huffed at that, not really having wanted that broadcast to everyone when it didn't need to be, "Thank you Sheldon."

"You know, I was thinking, we should really come up with a name for that particular phobia," Sheldon looked at Claire, "I don't believe one actually exists."

"It doesn't," she confirmed, "But I was thinking we should really come up with a way to get this thing out of the hall first," she gestured at the time machine, "You've got four flights of stairs boys and the science degrees, get to it."

~8~

Claire was standing at the top of the stairs, just outside the apartment doors on the fourth floor, watching as the four physically weakest men she had ever met pushed and pulled the time machine up the stairs, "Come on, guys, push!" Leonard pulled with Sheldon on top of the stairs.

"If I push any harder I'm going to give birth to my colon!" Howard groaned from behind it.

"I can't feel my fingers, hurry up!" Raj added, unable to see Claire or perhaps just too frustrated for his mutism to hit.

"It's the same amount of work no matter how fast you go, basic physics," Sheldon remarked.

"Sheldon?"

"Yeah?"

"If my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one."

"Hey Pen," Claire called as she saw Penny leaving their apartment in her Cheesecake Factory uniform.

"Oh, hey guys," Penny stopped short at the sight before her, now able to see the time machine half stuck in the stairwell as she got closer.

"Uh, hi Penny," Leonard greeted as he and Sheldon let go of the machine, nearly letting it fall on Raj and Howard, who screamed a little, "Take a break, guys!"

"What are you doing?"

"Well, _I'm_ supervising," Claire smirked.

"Oh, just, you know, moving…something upstairs," Leonard shrugged.

"What is it?" Penny eyed it.

"It's…you know, time machine."

"Speaking of time," Claire glanced at her watch with a frown, "Doesn't your shift start in 10 minutes, Pen?"

"Yeah," Penny sighed, "I'm running really late..."

"Oh uh, just give us a few minutes," Leonard turned back to the time machine to move it.

"I don't _have_ a few minutes."

"Then I have a simple solution," Sheldon spoke up, "Go up to the roof, hop over to the next building, there's a small gap, don't look down if you're subject to vertigo, and use their stairwell."

"You're joking, right?" Penny stared at him for a moment before turning to Claire, "He's joking right?"

Claire could only wince at that, realizing that, with the time machine stuck, that really was the only other way to get down to the street from there what with the elevator broken, "Shelly doesn't joke about vertigo."

"Damn," Penny huffed, "Ok, I'll just...take the roof."

"Hey, if you wait for us to set up the time machine, I can drop you off at work yesterday," Leonard laughed.

Penny just stared at him.

"It's a time travel joke," Claire explained, before shaking her head, making a shooing motion, "Just go, Pen."

Penny nodded and rushed off up the stairs.

"For what it's worth, I thought it was humorous," Sheldon stated, letting out a small breathy laugh that only Sheldon Cooper could do.

"Let's just do this," Leonard sighed and turned back to the time machine, "Guys, ready to push?"

"In a minute," Raj called, "Howard stepped outside to throw up."

"Ew," Claire grimaced at the thought.

~8~

Claire quickly pulled out the emergency key to Sheldon's apartment, her phone in her hand, rushing in...only to see Sheldon, Raj, and Howard rushing around the apartment as though they were in fast forward while Leonard sat in the flashing time machine, "That was fun!" Leonard laughed when things slowed down.

"Guys!" Claire ran over, cutting into the fun, "You need to make like a tree," she held up her phone, "Pen's on a warpath and..."

But it was too late for she found herself cut off by the door flying open behind her, a slightly worn and disheveled Penny entering, looking murderous, "Ok," she began, " _First_ of all, what you call a gap was nearly _three feet wide_ , I slipped and skinned my knee," she pointed at her leg, the knee very much red and raw.

"Are you ok?" Leonard moved to her side.

"Zzz!" Penny cut him off with a waving, pointed finger, "Second of all, the door to the stairwell of the other building was locked, so I had to go down the fire escape which ends on the third floor, forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family who insisted I stay for lunch."

"That doesn't sound too bad..."

"It was eight courses of lamb, and they tried to fix me up with their son!"

Leonard winced, "Sorry."

"Not done!" Penny cried, "By the time I finally got to work, they'd given my shift away. Yeah, that's right, I've lost _an entire day's pay_ thanks to this…" she gestured at the prop, "This…"

"Time machine," Sheldon supplied.

"The lights flash and the dish spins, you wanna try it?" Leonard tried to smile.

"No!" Penny snapped, "I don't want to try it! My God, you are _grown men_ , how could you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes and comic books and…and now that…that…"

"Again, time machine," Sheldon repeated.

"Oh please, it's not a time machine, if anything it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades!"

"It's not the TARDIS, Pen," Claire remarked lightly, "It only moves in time not space."

"It would be worse than useless in a swamp," Sheldon agreed.

"Come on, Pen," Claire stepped over to her side, putting her arm around Penny's shoulders, seeing the girl looked near tears at the day she'd had, "Let's get you some ice cream and a band-aid."

"Pathetic!" Penny shouted back over her shoulder at the boys, "All of you, completely pathetic!"

The boys looked at each other a moment as Claire shut the door behind the fuming Penny.

"My turn!" Raj called.

~8~

"You were a little harsh, Pen," Claire remarked as she crouched before Penny, a small first aid kit beside her, lightly dabbing at Penny's knee as she sat on the cover of her toilet in their apartment bathroom, "I know you had a bad day, but it's no reason to shout at them."

"If it hadn't been for their stupid..." Penny began.

"I know, sugar," Claire cut in gently, "Sorry," she added when Penny hissed at a dab, "Believe me, I _know_ ," she let out a small laugh, "There was one time when we were ooh...7 years old? Shelly wanted me to help him sort through and categorize his comic collections," she shook her head at that, "Didn't even realize we'd stacked all the boxes in front of his door till it was time for me to get to dinner, and Shelly ain't exactly the strongest person. Just imagine this little kid trying to push a huge box away from his door," she chuckled, "I wasn't about to climb out his window either so I didn't get home till two hours after dinner was over."

Penny frowned at that, "Did your mom get mad?" she'd done that a few times, missed curfew or when she was supposed to be home and got yelled at and grounded.

"MY mama?" Claire snorted, "My mama didn't even realize I hadn't come home till then," she shook her head, "Nah, I just...had to make my own dinner."

"But you can't cook," Penny remarked, unable to think that a 7 year old would be allowed near a stove either.

"I had some chips," she shrugged, "It was fine."

"Chips for dinner?"

"Penny, I grew up in a trailer park," she reminded the girl, "And, let's just say, my trailer wasn't the nicest on the block."

Penny nodded slowly at that, "Sorry."

Claire waved it off, "We all move on from the past, I'm not there anymore, I'm right here with Shelly," she smiled at Penny, "And new friends too."

Penny couldn't help the small smile that made its way onto her face from Claire's words, not just because the girl seemed genuinely happy to be there, to be her roommate, but also...because she was sort of an afterthought. Claire had brought up Sheldon first and then the friends after. It was kind of cute to think that Sheldon and Claire were that good of friends.

"Almost done," Claire told her, pulling out a bandage, "Just gotta get this on and you're good to go."

"You're pretty good at this," Penny remarked, "Barely felt a thing."

Claire just shrugged at that, "You pick up some things in Texas," was all she offered, "And Shelly can be THE biggest baby when he gets even a paper cut," she joked, "You gotta be gentle or he'll hiss and complain and whine about it."

Penny sighed, "How do you put up with that?" she asked, "Not just the whining or whatever, but...all that sci-fi stuff and...and comic books and Star Trek? How can you stand it? When they start talking Klingon and...and buying the Death Star or..."

"I don't think they'd ever buy the actual Death Star," Claire teased.

"But really though," Penny shook her head, "Doesn't it ever get to you?"

Claire was quiet a moment, "Sometimes," she admitted, "Sometimes it gets to be a bit much, yeah," especially when her temper was short or if she had a migraine, but everything just seemed that much worse when her head hurt, "But..." she shrugged, "It makes Shelly happy," she answered simply, "It makes all those boys happy, their science fiction and their Klingon. They work hard, every day, to make a difference in their fields and I'd guess Shelly wasn't the only one bullied as a kid, I don't want to be like that," she focused on Penny's bandage, "When you make fun of someone for loving something, it just seems...cruel. You wouldn't want anyone to think your acting passion was something to laugh at, would you?" she glanced up at Penny who was considering her words, "You love to act, you pay for classes for it, you go on auditions, you buy clothes to get in character, you watch movies to study their acting...would you want them to make fun of you for that?"

"No," Penny sighed, before shaking her head, "I was a bitch to them, wasn't I?"

"Not quite THAT bad," Claire lightly patted Penny above her knee, turning to close up the first aid kit, "But you _were_ sorta mean."

Penny nodded, "I guess...the things they like, how much they like it, it makes them what they are. And that's pretty good guys."

"Well, Howard's a little creepy..."

"Oh yeah, _total_ creep," Penny agreed, "But still, I should apologize to Leonard next time I see him," she decided.

"Well, till then," Claire nodded, understanding that Penny wanted time to cool down as she was still a little upset about the loss of pay and injury, "How about we pop in one of your movies and I'll get that ice cream I mentioned?"

"That'd be great," Penny smiled at her.

~8~

"Leonard?" Sheldon frowned as he entered the living room that night to see Leonard sitting in the time machine, fiddling with the buttons, turning the lights on and off, "It's two in the morning."

"So?" he sighed.

"So it's my turn," Sheldon leaned over, peering at the controls, at the date he'd set it for, "Why did you set it for the day before yesterday?"

"Because I want to go back and keep myself from getting a time machine."

"You can't," Sheldon stated, as though the reason for it should be obvious, "If you were to prevent yourself from buying it in the past, you would not have it available in the present to travel back and stop yourself from buying it, ergo you would still have it. This is a classic rookie time travel mistake."

"Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?" Leonard shot at him.

"Same paradox," Sheldon answered, "If you were to travel back in time and, say, knock me unconscious, you would not then have the conversation that irritated you, motivating you to go back and knock me unconscious."

"What if I knocked you unconscious right now?"

"It won't change the past."

"But it would make the present _so much nicer_."

Sheldon stared at him a moment, seeming to be examining him, considering Leonard's words, "...are you upset about something?"

"What was your first clue?" he asked sarcastically.

But, as often was the case, that was lost on Sheldon, who answered seriously, "Well, it was a number of things. First the late hour, then your demeanor seems very low energy, plus your irritability…"

"Yes I'm upset!" Leonard cut in.

"Oh!" Sheldon blinked, "I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me," he smiled, moving to head back to bed.

"Yeah, good for you," Leonard mumbled.

"Oh, wait," Sheldon turned around, "Did you want to _talk_ about what's bothering you?"

"I don't know," Leonard sighed, "Maybe."

Sheldon nodded and moved to his desk, to his laptop where his cell phone was charging next to it, picking it up, "What are you doing?" Leonard asked, watching him.

"Telling Claire to come over," he set down the phone, having sent the message.

"Why?" Leonard shook his head.

"She's a girl," Sheldon remarked, frowning a moment as he pondered Leonard's question, "Aren't girls better at talking?"

"Yeah…" came the tired yawn of Claire as the door opened and she shuffled in, a TARDIS blue bathrobe around her, her hair sticking up on the side, and...neon orange socks on her feet, "What's it Shelly?"

"Leonard wants to talk."

She nodded, moving to the armchair across from the time machine, half dazed, and plopping down on it, turning so she could see Leonard sitting inside it, "What is it?" she asked as she curled up on the chair, resting her head on her hand as her elbow rested on her knee.

"Uh, here's the thing," Leonard began, seeing the logic in talking to Claire, being a girl and Penny's roommate...and far more socially adept than Sheldon was, "Girls like Penny never end up with guys who own time machines."

"I disagree," Claire shook her head, her eyes drifting shut, "If you had a TARDIS, I'd say call me Rose."

Sheldon grimaced, "I prefer Sarah Jane."

"I know you do, Shelly," Claire mumbled, blinking a bit as she tried to keep awake, but it was 2 in the morning and she and Penny had only just got through the end of their movies an hour ago, she was exhausted, "S'not the point."

"Right, yes," Sheldon nodded, getting back to the topic, "Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on its own."

"Thanks for pointing it out," Leonard rolled his eyes.

"In addition, your premise is flawed. In the original film, Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimeaux with that very time machine. In _Back to the Future_ , Marty McFly got the opportunity to hook up with his extremely attractive young mother."

"Mhmm…" Claire murmured, half listening, her eyelids falling shut again.

"Those are _movies_ ," Leonard argued.

"Well of course they're movies," Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Were you expecting me to come up with an example involving a real life time machine?" before he suddenly started whispering, "That's absurd."

"What?" Leonard called, not able to hear him.

"Shh!" Sheldon hissed, putting a finger to his lips, nodding at Claire, who had fallen asleep on the armchair. Well, that had been rather pointless to invite her over to talk to Leonard if she was just going to fall asleep on them. Though it DID remind him that he should probably get to bed, he didn't like it when his sleeping pattern was thrown off and, well, with Claire out and unable to talk to Leonard, there was no point in the conversation continuing, Leonard had agreed HE would not be the best one to talk him through this, there was no reason for him to still be there.

Leonard watched as Sheldon moved around the room, placing a couch pillow behind Claire's head and covering her with a blanket from the couch before gingerly patting her on the head and whispering, "Sleep tight," before nodding at Leonard and walking off.

"Huh…" Leonard mumbled, shaking his head as he got up and went to sleep as well, not wanting to disturb Claire...and not quite sure he'd actually just witnessed Sheldon Cooper showing care to someone of his own freewill without prompting...maybe he was dreaming?

~8~

Claire winced as she rolled her neck, heading up the stairs of the apartment building with a canvas bag of books from Barnes and Nobles clutched in her arms. She shifted the bag a bit, barely holding it with one arm as she reached up her other hand to massage her shoulder, that was what she got for sleeping on an armchair all night. She stopped short just at the bottom of the stairs that led to the 4th floor, spotting Sheldon blocking the path down with a toy sword in hand, Raj and Howard there, both looking alarmed as Leonard stood before them, an action figure of some sort in a box held up in his hands, seeming about to rip it open.

"Ok man, be cool, we're all friends here," Howard held up his hands, trying to calm Leonard.

Claire rolled her eyes, guessing what was going on, Leonard was threatening to open a mint condition something or other and the boys were trying to stop him. The fact that he had a box of 'geeky' items beside him and Sheldon was blocking his way had to mean that he was trying to take them somewhere, maybe get rid of them? Either way she knew this was not something she could do, but something Penny would really have to confront, it probably all had to do with Penny's remarks about the boys anyway. So she headed up the stairs, ducking under Sheldon's arms, and moving to her apartment, knocking on the door, "Pen, little help out here!"

Penny opened the door moments later, stepping out in her PJs of Hello Kitty shorts and a pink tank, "What the hell's going on?" she looked at the boys.

"You hypocrite!" Sheldon pointed the fake sword at her.

"What?" Penny looked at Claire who shook her head, equally as confused.

"Little Miss Grown-ups-don't-play-with-toys,'" he mimicked stepping closer, "If I were to go into that apartment right now, would I find Beanie Babies? Are you not an accumulator of Care Bears and My Little Ponies? And who is that Japanese feline I see frolicking on your shorts?" he pointed the sword at it, "Hello, Hello Kitty!"

"Ok, ok look, if this is about yesterday, Leonard," she walked over to him, "I am _really_ sorry about what I said, I was just a bit upset."

"No, I needed to hear it," Leonard shook his head.

"No you didn't," Penny sighed, "Look, Claire got me thinking, and you are a _great_ guy, and it is things you love that make you who you are."

"I guess that makes me large breasts," Howard muttered, "Ow!" he winced as Claire reached into her bag of books and whacked him on the arm with it.

"Still, I think it's time for me to get rid of this stuff and…you know…move on with my life," Leonard argued.

"Really?" Penny eyed him, wanting to be sure he really meant it and it wasn't because of her, because...Claire was right, the guys really loved this stuff and she would have been devastated if someone critiqued her love of acting to the point where she wanted to give it up.

"Yeah."

"Oh," she blinked, "Wow. Good for you," she gave him a sideways hug and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks," Leonard smiled, encouraged, "Hey, do you want to, I don't know, later…"

He trailed off, seeing Claire shaking her head and making a cutting motion at her neck. He gave her a frown of question only for it to be answered moments later when a rather attractive man called out to Penny as he reached their floor.

"Excuse me," the man smiled at Penny, "Hey, Penny!"

"Hi Mike," Penny greeted back.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I just have to change."

"I'll give you a hand," Mike grinned, playfully chasing her into the apartment.

"Oh, stop it!" she laughed, calling a "Bye guys!" over her shoulder as she shut the door.

"Tried to warn you," Claire sighed, shaking her head at Leonard.

Leonard was silent a long moment before, "My turn on the time machine!" and running back into the apartment.

Sheldon paused as Howard, Raj, and Leonard ran past him and back in, to look at Claire, "Do you want a turn?"

She blinked, "Oh, Shelly, are you offering little old me a chance to travel in time?"

"It's not a TARDIS," Sheldon shrugged, "But it's fun," he glanced past her and to the door, "And I doubt you want to be in your apartment while Penny's friend Mike helps her dress."

Claire winced and nodded, "Yeah, I'm starting to like Penny a lot, but I don't think I like her quite THAT much to witness that yet," she started to walk towards the apartment.

"And honestly, needing help dressing at her age?" Sheldon scoffed, actually taking it literally that Mike was helping her put clothes ON instead of the reverse, "Talk about needing to grow up."

Claire shook her head at that, "Oh, Shelly, never change."

"I don't plan on it," he remarked, reaching out to take the bag of books from her to carry himself, "What did you buy?"

Claire beamed at that and held up the book she'd hit Howard with, "Cleared out the Bargain section of cook books!"

Sheldon blinked at that, "Cook books?"

She nodded, "Penny's offered to teach me and..."

Whatever she was saying was cut off as Sheldon's mind began to race with the implications, mentally making a list of all the fire hazard materials, first aid products, and other protective items he would need to stock up on if Penny, who wasn't exactly a chef herself, was going to try and teach _Claire_ to cook.

Oh dear lord, they were going to burn down the building weren't they?

~8~

 _Sheldon sat in the time machine, in the middle of a jungle, looking at the dial reading 'APR 28, 802,701' and gasped, "_ _It worked. It really worked. They said I was mad, but it worked!" he looked around hearing a twig crack to see large, hairy, white creatures with glowing, red eyes walking through the forest towards him, "Oh no, not Morlocks! Not flesh-eating Morlocks! Help!" he screamed as they lunged for him…_

~8~

 _Only to wake up in the living room of his apartment, Leonard standing before him, "Sheldon, are you ok?"_

 _"We have to get rid of the time machine," he stated._

 _"It is a little big for the living room, isn't it?" Leonard agreed._

 _"Yeah," he nodded slowly, "THAT'S the problem, it's too big."_

 _"I'm glad you agree. I hired some guys to help us move it, come on in fellas," Leonard called and a pair of Morlocks in movers uniforms entered the room._

 _"Oh no, Morlocks!" Sheldon gasped, "Eat him, eat him!" he pointed at Leonard, but the Morlocks advanced on HIM instead, "Ahhh!" he screamed..._

And jolted up in bed, letting out a breath at the realization it was just a nightmare.

He reached over and grabbed his phone, now fully charged and resting in his room, "Claire!" he called, not texting but needing to talk.

"Shelly?" she asked, a yawn in her voice, "What's the matter? You alright? You need me to come over?"

He let out a breath, "No, I just...I had a bad dream," he hesitated a moment, before asking her quietly, "Will you sing soft kitty to me?"

"Soft Kitty is for when you're sick, Shelly," she teased.

"Anxious and frightened is a kind of sick," he countered.

She let out a little laugh, "Just for you Shelly," she agreed, before singing quietly, a little off-key, her voice still thick from being woken up and gravelly, but soothing nonetheless, "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr...better?"

"Yes, thank you," he laid back down.

"Good night, Shelly Bean," she yawned.

He smiled, "Good night, Claire Bear."

A/N: Aww :) I really wanted to have that conversation with Penny in there, I felt so bad for Leonard when she shouted at him. Understandable in that she was upset and had a really bad day because of the Time Machine, but I think she took it a little too far and just wanted someone to talk to her about it ;)

Some notes on reviews...

Amy would probably be more coldly-logical which could come across as mean, sort of in the same way that some things Sheldon says, while HE thinks it's reasonable to say out loud end up making others upset or irritated in that sense ;) Claire has enough experience with Sheldon to know how to handle Amy if she does the same...actually, though, it'll be more something Sheldon does that'll upset Claire more than Amy }:)

Thank you for the tidbits! I went back and changed them ;)

Claire definitely holds herself back sometimes, yup :) She knows how important Sheldon's intelligence is to him and she doesn't really feel the need to flaunt her own intelligence as much, so she never really feels a need to show him up but let him feel smarter :) There'll be a little bit more about their childhood and another reason why she holds back too and for why he wants to be seen as the smartest ;)


	9. The Pork Chop Indeterminacy

The Pork Chop Indeterminacy

"On the other hand, some physicists are concerned that if the super collider actually works, it will create a black hole and swallow up the Earth ending life as we know it," Leonard was saying as he and Raj walked through the halls of the university, heading for Sheldon's office to see if the man was done for the day so that they could all head back to the apartment for some dinner.

"Pssh, what a bunch of crybabies," Raj remarked, finding the entire fear ridiculous, "No guts, no glory man."

"Hey, check it out," Leonard pointed to an orange notice on a corkboard just by the corner that led to Sheldon's hall. He stepped up and eyed it, nodding along as he saw what it was for, "The school of pharmacology is looking for volunteers."

Raj frowned as he read what it was about, "'We are testing a new medication for social anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, and obsessive compulsive disorder,'" he shook his head at that, "Why would they be looking for test subjects _here_?"

Leonard gave him an incredulous look, "I don't know, Raj. Maybe the comic book store doesn't have a bulletin board," he deadpanned, the man right in front of him was the epitome of social anxiety with how he clammed up when talking to women. He turned to head down the hall, raising an eyebrow as he noticed a crowd of men gathered just outside Sheldon's open office door, "What's going on?" he asked Howard as they walked over.

"Shhh!" Howard hissed as he too leaned over to try and peer in the room without being noticeable, "Hot girl in Sheldon's office!"

" _Sheldon's_ office?" Leonard leaned over to look around the doorframe only to see it was exactly as Howard had said, a beautiful woman with brown hair was standing beside Sheldon as he signed something, "Is she lost?"

"Don't think so," Howard muttered, "I followed her here from the parking lot."

"Maybe she's his lawyer?"

"Well she's free to examine my briefs."

"Howard…" Leonard sighed at the remark, making a mental note to tell Claire about it later. It wasn't that he was selling his friend out but…well, he sort of enjoyed watching Claire give him a whack for all his sexist comments and the like. It was entertaining.

"I know, I'm disgusting, I should be punished," Howard brushed it off, "By her," he added, snorting a bit, "Oh look, I did it again."

"Well, that should do it," the woman smiled as she took the papers back from Sheldon.

"Thank you for coming by," Sheldon stood to escort her to the door, all the men quickly rushing away, those remaining trying to look natural and as though they hadn't been gawking at the woman. Leonard sipped water at the fountain while Howard patted his chest as though listening to music, and Raj looked at some flyers on another board near the door, "Hello," Sheldon frowned, noticing them, a little confused by their presence.

"Oh, hey buddy," Leonard smiled.

"Buddy?" Sheldon tried to mimic Leonard's tone but the confusion seeped into even that.

"Sorry I'm late," Howard stepped forward, grinning up at the woman, "I'm working on a project that may take me up on the next space shuttle."

"How can you be late?" Sheldon asked, his confusion growing even more, "I wasn't expecting you at all," he looked around for Claire, hoping that maybe she might be able to explain to him what was going on because he was lost.

"Nobody ever expects me, sometimes you just look and…BAM!" Howard stepped even closer, moving right into the woman's personal space, reaching out to shake her un-offered hand, "Howard Wolowitz."

"Sheldon, are you going to introduce us?" Leonard smiled politely.

"Oh, alright," Sheldon sighed, turning to gesture to the woman, "This is..."

"Missy!" someone shouted from down the hall, their voice bright and excited.

They looked over to see Claire, in black pants, a light pink button up shirt that was under a gray V-neck sweater, running over, right to the woman, and throwing her arms around her to hug her tightly, dropping the two books she'd been carrying along with a folder of papers. Sheldon shook his head at her lack of care but crouched down to pick them up for her as it seemed like she wasn't going to be letting go of Missy any time soon.

"Claire!" Missy laughed, starting to sway side to side in an exaggerated way,nearly knocking Claire over, "Oh my god," she pulled away, grabbing Claire's hands, "You actually got that job you were tellin' me about!"

Claire beamed and nodded, "Caltech's newest English Professor," she gestured at herself.

Missy's smile grew a bit forced, "Dressed like that?" she eyed the girl.

Claire frowned, glancing at her attire, "Still not right?" she guessed, she thought the gray went well with the pink.

"Oh honey," Missy shook her head, "Before I go you and I are going through your wardrobe. Again."

Claire rolled her eyes at that but laughed, hugging Missy again, having missed her, "How are you?"

"I'm good," Missy smiled, "Just came to visit for a day or two."

"You two know each other?" Leonard pointed between the three of them, guessing Missy was someone from Sheldon and Claire's hometown.

"Missy, this is Leonard," Sheldon introduced, straightening with Claire's things in his hands, passing them over to her without complaint, "And Rajesh, and you've already met Howard."

"It's nice to meet you," Missy smiled politely at them.

"You too, as well, also," Leonard grew a bit flustered.

"Yeah," Howard eyed her up and down, making Claire narrow her eyes at him.

"Hold on," Sheldon straightened, something hitting him as he turned to look at Missy, "YOU knew Claire was applying here? And you didn't tell me?"

Missy nodded, smirking just a little, "Uh huh. Claire asked me not to tell," she added, "She wanted it to be a surprise to see that look of shock on that big old face of yours."

Sheldon just huffed at that and crossed his arms, not happy that Claire had told his sister something instead of him...though he had to admit the surprise of her appearing and being able to be around more HAD been nice.

"So..." Leonard continued, "How do you all know each other?"

"Oh, this one here," Missy nodded at Sheldon, "Once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head," she smirked, putting an arm around Sheldon's shoulders though her other arm remained firmly linked with Claire's.

Leonard blinked, "...excuse me?"

"She's his twin sister, Leonard," Claire laughed at their startled and gaping expressions, "And my best friend," she moved her arm from Missy's to her waist, squeezing the woman from the side, Sheldon just pouted at that, "Alright, best FEMALE friend, better?"

He gave a short nod to that, "Missy thinks she's funny but frankly I've never been able to see it," he added as a huff at the end.

"It's because you have no measurable sense of humor, Shelly," Missy told him dryly.

"How exactly would one measure a sense of humor? A humormometer?" he frowned, "And don't call me Shelly."

"Well, I think you're delightfully droll," Howard smiled at Missy in a sort of a leering manner, "Or as the French say, Tres Drole."

"Ok..." Missy nodded, trying to steer the conversation away from that direction, and Howard, "So let me see if I got this. Leonard," she pointed to him, "Howard and…" but faltered on Raj, "I'm sorry what was your name again?"

Raj just looked at her uncomfortably before turning and simply walking away, around the corner...only to head back, plucking the orange paper the pharmacology students had pinned up for their experiments off the corkboard and leaving again.

"That was Raj," Claire told her, "He's a little shy."

"So Missy, what brings you all the way from Texas?" Leonard asked.

"Was it perhaps destiny?" Howard smirked, waggling his eyebrows at her, "I think it was destiny."

"My friend's getting married in Disneyland tomorrow night," Missy explained.

"Destiny, thy name is Anaheim."

"And I had to drop off some papers for Shelly to sign for my dad's estate."

"The papers _could_ have been mailed," Sheldon huffed, "Mom just sent you here to spy on me, didn't she?"

"I guess that's why they call you a genius," Missy smirked at him.

"They call me a genius because I'm a genius. Tell Mom that I currently weigh 165 pounds and that I'm having regular bowel movements. Enjoy the wedding, goodbye."

"Whoa, whoa," Howard and Leonard called together, stepping to the side to block Missy leaving as Sheldon was trying to shoo her to do.

"If the wedding's not until tomorrow, why don't you stay with us tonight?" Leonard offered.

"Oh, I don't think so," Missy shook her head, "Shelly doesn't like company. Even as a little boy he'd send his imaginary friends home at the end of the day..."

"They were not friends, they were imaginary _colleagues_ ," Sheldon cut in.

"Only one he ever let stay was Claire cos she was just as smart as him."

"I wasn't that smart," Claire shook her head, trying to brush it off, but Sheldon and Missy were already at it.

"Hence the reason I had colleagues," Sheldon explained, "I already had a real friend, I didn't need more."

"Look, you're here, we have plenty of room," Leonard remarked.

"No we don't."

"Come on, Shelly, she's family," Howard tried to bait him.

"So what? I don't issue invitations to your mother," Sheldon blinked, huffing a bit, "And don't call me Shelly."

"Well it would be nice not to have to drive out to Anaheim in rush hour, Shelly," Missy contemplated, turning to her brother with a pushing look.

"Fine," he huffed, "On one condition. Stop calling me Shelly, only Claire can call me Shelly. It's part of our best friend agreement, exclusive rights to Shelly Bean and Claire Bear."

"So it's settled," Leonard smiled, "You'll stay with us."

"I'll walk you to your car," Howard offered Missy his arm, "You're in structure 3 level C, right?"

"What just happened?" Sheldon looked at Claire as his sister walked off with Howard.

"I don't rightly know," she admitted, "But whatever it is, it'll be interesting," she smiled a moment, before blinking, "And I just let Howard walk off with her," she shook her head, muttering, "Stupid," under her breath as she hurried after them, not about to leave the woman to fend off Howard alone.

~8~

"So anyway," Missy told a story as she sat on the couch with Howard beside her, Sheldon's spot empty while Claire sat on the armrest of it, Leonard on the armchair across from her, "We're eight years old, and Sheldon converts my easy-bake oven to some kind of high-powered furnace."

Leonard laughed, "Just classic."

"He wanted a place to fire ceramic semi-conductor substrates for home-made integrated circuits," Claire explained to them.

Missy waved her hand at Claire, assuming that was just the more scientific terms for what Sheldon had been doing, "He was trying to build some kind of armed robot to keep me out of his room."

"Made necessary by her insistence on going _into_ my room," Sheldon called.

"Anyway, I go to make those little corn muffins they give you, there's a big flash, next thing you know...my eyebrows are gone."

"Not your eyebrows!" Howard chuckled.

"Yep. I had to go through the entire second grade with crooked eyebrows my Mom drew on."

"Is that what that was?" Sheldon frowned, turning to look at Missy a moment, "I just assumed that the second grade curriculum had rendered you quizzical."

Missy stared at him, blinking once before she looked at Claire expectantly, "He thought second grade was confusing you," she simplified and Missy nodded.

There was a knock on the door as Penny entered, a laundry basket in her arms, holding up a pair of superman underwear, "Hey, Leonard, you left your underwear in the dryer downstairs."

"Those are not mine," Leonard tried to wave it off.

Penny frowned, "Really," she eyed the pants, "They have your little name label in them..."

"Yeah, no, I do," he floundered, quickly getting up to snatch the underwear from Penny, "I use those…uh…just to polish up my…spear-fishing equipment. I spear fish. When I'm not crossbow hunting, I spear fish. Uh..."

"Hey Pen," Claire waved her in, cutting into Leonard's rather poor attempt to sound macho, "This is Sheldon's twin sister, Missy. Missy, this is Penny."

"Hi!" Missy smiled at her.

"Wow, you don't look that much alike," Penny noticed.

"Can I get a hallelujah?" Howard smirked, till Claire reached over and whacked him on the arm.

"Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs, they are no more alike than any other siblings," Sheldon called, having moved to his laptop at his desk.

"Hallelu...ow!" Howard winced as Claire hit him again.

Penny shook her head at him and smiled at Missy, setting down her laundry and moving to shake the woman's hand, "I've heard a lot about you."

"Oh please tell me it was from Claire and not Shelly," Missy looked at her.

"Stop calling me Shelly!" Sheldon huffed.

Penny chuckled, "Yeah, from Claire. We're uh, actually roommates."

"Really?" Missy smiled, eyeing Penny up and down, "Thank god you've got more fashion sense than Claire does."

"Sitting right here, Missy," Claire reminded her.

"I say the two of us raid her closet later and see if we can't do the Lord's work," Missy offered.

"I'm in," Penny nodded, having been dying for a chance to really go through it and help the girl understand why neon yellow plaid was not a good shirt to have or to ever pair with lime green pants.

"Still, RIGHT here," Claire huffed, though she had a small smile on her face, happy that her two gal pals were getting along.

"Hey, guess what!" Raj ran in, ending any more talk of closets and clothing, "I've been accepted as a test subject for a new miracle drug to overcome pathological shyness."

"Hey, good for you, Raj," Penny smiled.

"Yes, I'm very hopeful. Hello Missy," he waved his hand at her...only for it to keep waving, "They mentioned there may be side effects," he shrugged, giving Missy a grin before he slid over to the couch and sat down on her right.

"Want a water, Pen?" Claire called, getting up to get a drink, Sheldon rolling his eyes at that offer. Their best friend agreement had a clause about access and rights to refrigerators, so long as he was given the same access and right to raid theirs, Claire could raid his.

"Sure," Penny followed her to the kitchen giving more space to the small living room.

"So, Missy," Raj began, "Have you ever met a man from the exotic subcontinent of India?"

"Well, there's Dr. Patel at our church," Missy nodded.

"Ah yes, Dr. Patel, good man."

"Do you like motorcycles, 'cos I ride a hog," Howard cut in, sliding in closer to Missy now that there were three people on the couch and knowing how Sheldon got about his spot.

"A hog?" Raj scoffed, "You have a two cylinder scooter with a _basket_ on the front."

"You still have to wear a helmet!"

Raj turned back to Missy, "Have you ever heard of the _Kama Sutra_?"

"...the sex book?" Missy frowned, getting a little uncomfortable.

"The _Indian_ sex book. In other words, if you wonder who wrote the book of love...it was us."

"Sheldon, why are you ignoring your sister?" Penny called to him, seeing the man completely focused on his laptop instead of the three men hitting on his sister.

"I'm not ignoring my sister. I'm ignoring all of you except Claire."

Claire glanced at Penny, "Our agreement, we're not allowed to ignore each other unless we're in an official fight."

"I brought snacks," Leonard ducked back into the living room, having hurried to the kitchen for snacks, offering the plate to Missy.

"Oh my! Gherkins and…" she frowned, eyeing the small sauce on the plate.

"Onion dip, it's onion dip."

"Oh..."

"We...don't entertain much," Leonard sighed, a little embarrassed.

"Missy, do you enjoy pajamas?" Raj asked out of nowhere.

Claire shook her head at the scene before her, she and Penny leaning on the kitchen island and watching, "I always feel so bad for her," she told Penny.

"I guess..." Missy answered.

"Why?" Penny frowned.

"We Indians invented them," Raj told her, "You're welcome."

"No matter how many men hit on her, she always feels uncomfortable about it," Claire explained.

"Yeah, well my people invented circumcision!" Howard tried to one-up Raj.

"We should rescue her," Penny remarked.

"You're welcome!" Howard leaned in, leering at Missy.

"Let's," Claire nodded.

"Missy," Penny called, pushing off the counter with Claire, "We're going to go get our nails done."

"We are?" Claire glanced at her but nodded quickly when she saw the look Penny was giving her, "We are."

"Do you want to come?"

"God yes!" Missy half jumped up, "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Bye guys," Missy called, following them to the doors.

"Bye Missy," Howard called.

"Bye Missy, see you," Leonard smiled only at Missy.

"Goodbye Leonard!" Penny added, turning to him pointedly.

"Uh, yeah, no, uh," Leonard jumped, "Bye Penny! And Claire! Bye Claire!"

"Bye Shelly!" Claire waved to him, Sheldon just holding up his hand in goodbye as he worked away, leaving the girls to their nails.

~8~

The girls were laughing as they headed back into the boys' apartment, having had a pretty good time getting their nails done. Missy was very relieved that Claire had come along, the girl alone had been responsible for half the time it took them to get through the process of nail doing, extending it much longer than Penny had expected. She had fretted over which color to get done for a good portion of it.

Should she get a solid color? Or a design? Sparkly or plain? Pastel or neon? Penny had nixed the neon though while Missy had crossed off pastels too. But that still left what color! Blue? Green? Red? Purple? Black? White? Should she get tips or just file her own nails? But what about coating! Did she want it to last as long as possible? Or be easily worn off in a few days? What if she got one color and changed her mind? What if she wanted it off? But then what if she really liked it and wanted it to last? Should she get the ones that were quick dry or that needed a little light? Should she get them cut? Oh but her nails were already so short already, a bad habit of nail biting that reared its head every now and again...in this case right in the middle of the nail salon and all over her trying to pick what color to get. Maybe she should get them all? One color per nail? But then what order? And what if a color she didn't like ended up being her thumb instead of something small like her pinky?

It had gotten to be so much of a trial to work out just what color she wanted that she'd actually tried to tell the girls that she would just sit on the floor and talk to them and just forget about getting her own nails done. Because why bother? They were nails. She could put her money towards dinner or something like books, something lasting instead of polish. But Penny and Missy had blocked the exits and threatened to drag her to the pedicure seats and make her get one of them as well (ten more nails to paint!?) if she didn't agree to her nails being done.

It had taken a while, a lot of back and forth between them, the two others helping her decide what to get her nails as before she was even remotely close to agreeing to what to do about her nails. Missy had helped narrow the selections down by eliminating the colors she knew her friend didn't like (and why didn't she just think of doing that first?) while Penny had helped select the more 'professional' colors given that she knew what the attire was that Claire normally wore when lecturing. In the end though it had nearly been pointless as she'd just decided on a simple French Manicure, just getting the tips of her nails white and the rest filed. If Penny and Missy were bothered or annoyed with her back and forth over colors only to settle for that simple white and clear, they were good about hiding it.

She supposed having dealt with Sheldon for some time they were both relieved she hadn't made it more difficult.

Her thoughts were cut off when the laughter died down, seeing that the boys were apparently arguing with Sheldon about something in the kitchen area.

"Is it because I'm Jewish?" Howard was saying, "Cause I'd kill my Rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister."

"This has nothing to do with religion," Sheldon shook his head, "This has to do with the fact that you're a tiny, tiny man who still lives with his mother."

"Sheldon, you are really being unreasonable," Leonard argued.

"Am I? Here," he held out a slice of cheese to Leonard, "Eat this cheese without farting and you can sleep with my sister."

"Oh really?" Missy called, offended, crossing her arms, lifting her eyebrow at her brother's words.

To his credit, Sheldon didn't wince, merely said, "Oops."

Missy took a deep breath through her nose and started to head across the room, "Shelly, can I speak to you for a minute? Alone?"

"Why does everyone suddenly want to talk to me alone?" he wondered, "Usually nobody wants to be alone with me except Claire."

"Come on," Missy led the way to Sheldon's bedroom, shutting the door behind them, "Ok. I'm not even going to ask why you're pimping me out for cheese. But since _when_ do you care at all about who I sleep with? I've seen you throw more of a hissy fit over who Claire has even a tiny crush on than over your own sister sleeping with someone."

"Truthfully," he sat down on his bed, "I've never given it any thought, but it has been pointed out to me that you carry DNA of great potential."

Missy nearly rolled her eyes at he was ignoring her comment about Claire, "Look, Shelly..."

"Don't call me Shelly."

"Claire ain't here to explain your mumbo jumbo to me," she continued, ignoring him this time, "So you've gotta tell me...what on earth are you talking about?"

"Let me explain," Sheldon nodded, pleased to be given a chance to explain his rational, "You see, I'm a superior genetic mutation, an improvement on the existing mediocre stock."

"And what do you mean, mediocre stock?" she crossed her arms again.

"That would be you. But residing within you," he stood up, "Is the potential for another me. Perhaps even taller, smarter and less prone to freckling, a Sheldon 2.0 if you will."

She raised an eyebrow, "Sheldon 2.0?"

"Exactly. Now, I am not saying that I should be the sole decider of who you mate with. If you're not attracted to the suitor then the likelihood of conception would be reduced."

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"Not at all. Frequent coitus dramatically increases the odds of fertilization."

"Ok Shelly, sit down..."

"Don't call me Shelly!" he huffed but plopped down on the end of his bed again, "Only Claire calls me Shelly!"

"Fine, fine, just...listen," she mimicked his huff as she moved to sit next to him, "Now I've lived my whole life dealing with the fact that my twin brother is, as Mom puts it, one of God's special little people."

"I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird," he mused, "You know, a superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds. Of course the newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food, leaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death. Luckily for you, that's where the metaphor ended."

"I thought it ended at cuckoo," she muttered, shaking her head and trying to find the strength to deal with her brother, "Now you listen to me, if you want to start acting like a brother who cares about me, then terrific. Bring it on. Here's where it ends though. You don't get to tell me who I should or shouldn't date, same way I don't tell you who you should or shouldn't date either, if you ever decided to start."

"Well that's unfair."

"How so?"

"You've been telling me since we were children that I should marry Claire. How is that not telling me who I should date?"

"We were kids Shelly...Sheldon," she corrected when he opened his mouth to huff that she shouldn't call him that, "At that age I just wanted another girl around and I thought if Claire married you, I'd get a sister instead of a brother. And then I grew up and I stayed out of your business. So you stay out of mine. I'm serious, you try _one time_ to tell me who I should be sleeping with, and you and I are going to go round and round the way we did when we were little. Remember?" she gave him a meaningful look and he quickly crossed his legs in preemptive protection.

He considered her words a moment, before offering, "I have an alternate proposal."

"Go on."

"You donate eggs," he stood, "We will place them in cryogenic storage. I will find an appropriate sperm donor for your eggs, have them fertilized and implanted in you, that way everybody wins!"

Missy just gave him a look...

~8~

Claire smirked, hiding a small laugh behind her hand, masking it as a cough when she saw Sheldon step into the main area of the apartment, holding his groin, limping, "Correction," he wheezed, "Missy can date whoever she wants."

~8~

The girls were inside Penny's apartment, in Claire's room, both laughing at what Missy said she'd done and said to Sheldon and also giggling a little at Claire's truly horrendous taste in clothing...when there was a knock on the door.

"I bet it's the boys now that Sheldon's given his 'permission,'" Claire remarked teasingly to Missy as they headed into the main room.

Penny opened the front door to see Leonard there, "Ah, hey Leonard."

"Hi Penny, how's it going?" he smiled, but didn't give her a chance to answer before adding, "Listen, that guy Mike that you were dating, is that still going on?"

"Uh, pretty much, why?"

"Nothing, just catching up. By the way, may I speak to Missy please?"

"Of course," Penny nodded.

Claire rolled her eyes and gave Missy a look as the woman stepped over to the door, "Hi, Leonard, what's up?"

"Well," Leonard began, "Since you're leaving tomorrow I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner with me?"

"That's so sweet...but no thanks."

"Oh. You have other plans, or…"

"No."

"Oh," he nodded, understanding, "Alright uh…enjoy the rest of your evening."

"Thanks. See you."

Claire closed the door, giving the other two a look, "Called it."

~8~

Claire opened the door to the apartment the second time it knocked, revealing Howard standing there with a cane in hand, "What do you want, Howard?"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," he smiled, "I've come to call on Missy."

Claire laughed, calling, "Missy?" over her shoulder.

"Hi Howard," Missy stepped up.

"The amazing Howard," he flourished his cane, "Do you like magic?"

"Not really. No."

Howard stared at her a moment, thrown, but recovered and decided to continue with his plan anyway, "Then you are in for a treat. Behold, an ordinary cane," he tapped it on the door, humming as the cane fell in half, a handkerchief flying out as he scrambled to grab the parts of the cane and salvage his trick, "Ta-dah!" he pulled the cloth out, holding it open to see ' _will you go out with me?'_ written on it _._

"Hmmm," Missy hummed, "No."

"Ok," he flashed his hands around, pulling another handkerchief out of his sleeve, one that read ' _are you sure?_ '

"Yes," Claire answered for her, shutting the door on him.

~8~

"Missy!" Penny called, when she opened the door a third time with Claire to see Raj, not even bothering to let the man ask for her, knowing he'd likely come to 'call on her' as Howard had.

"Thank you," Raj bowed his head with a smile, "I apprec…" he trailed off, looking panicked, "Apprec….appreeee….uh oh."

"Oh, sugar," Claire smiled sympathetically at him, "Your little experimental drugs wear off?"

Raj nodded, his eyes wide as Missy appeared before he could turn and run.

"Oh, hi, cutie pie," Missy stepped over, eyeing him up and down, "I was hoping you'd show up."

Raj tried to talk, but only succeeding in giving a high-pitched squeak. He tried again, getting the same result, before turning to leave, heading down the stairs, the same noise following him as he went.

"We had a dog who made a noise like that," Penny remarked, shutting the door, "Had to put him down."

"He's just shy," Claire defended, shrugging and letting out a sigh when Missy and Penny grinned, grabbing her arms to pull her back into her room to finish sorting through her closet. They were trying a new system, setting up pants on one side with shirts above them, all of which would go with either and work...while putting her other random clothing into drawers in her room.

Penny had been startled to enter the room before and find that everything had been completely rearranged from the first time she'd seen the room.

~8~

The next morning, Missy and Sheldon were heading down the stairs, Claire giving an early, morning lecture for a seminar course and had said goodbye over breakfast, "Any news you want me to pass along to Mom?" Missy asked.

"Well, she might be interested to know that I have refocused my research from bosonic string theory to heteronic string theory."

Missy blinked, "Yeah, I'll just tell her you said hey."

"Ok, well, it was pleasant seeing you, other than that business with my testicles," he held out a hand to shake hers, making sure to stand far enough away where she wouldn't be able to injure them again.

"Come on, Shelly," she held out her arms, "I _know_ you hug Claire, and I am your _sister_ ," he sighed and hugged her halfheartedly back, "I want you to know I'm very proud of you," she murmured to him.

"Really?" he asked, slightly touched as he pulled away.

"Yup, I'm always bragging to my friends about my brother the rocket scientist."

"You tell people I'm a _rocket scientist_?" he gaped, horrified.

"Well yeah."

"I'm a _theoretical physicist_!"

She just shook her head, "What's the difference?"

"What's the difference? It's..."

"Never mind," she cut in, holding up a hand to stop him, "I'll ask Claire later. Goodbye Shelly."

"My God!" he followed her to the door, calling out, "Why don't you just tell them I'm a toll taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?" he sighed, stepping in again, "Rocket scientist, how humiliating," before turning to call out once more, "And stop calling me Shelly!"

A/N: I can only imagine what life was like for Missy growing up with Sheldon and being related to him lol :)

Some notes on reviews...

Claire's definitely the sort to let you know if you're going too far and to point out things that might need to be worked on, but she's also very open to others doing the same to her. She knows she's not perfect and she's lacking in a few skills and she's always trying to cope and do better, I like that she's as willing to take criticism as she is to give it :)

Amy will come in the same time as in the show, so the end of the 3rd story :) Penny will reveal a few things in small increments. Her theory about Sheldon and how he acts around Claire will be revealed, or at least explained in more detail, in the next chapter ;)

Lol, I think Claire was so tired and half-asleep that she probably didn't even realize she was getting up and walking over to Sheldon's till she woke up the next morning and was like 'so that wasn't a dream then...' lol :) But she'll definitely have something to say about the guys coming around when Leonard's there to see them and maybe have a bit of a hand in Leonard and Penny's first date happening yup ;)

We'll definitely learn more and more about Claire's childhood as the story goes :) I can say it wasn't anything too terrible, but it also wasn't a great one. She and Leonard might be able to bond over childhoods in a small sense :(


	10. The Peanut Reaction

The Peanut Reaction

Claire was sitting at the end of the table in the Cheesecake Factory, officiating the 'Tresling' match going on between Raj and Sheldon who were sitting with their arms out and braced on the table, arm wrestling but also with their laptops open on their laps, playing Tetris at the same time, Howard and Leonard shouting encouragements without heed to the other diners around them as the two men duked it out.

"Hey, guys, guys, some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something," Penny called as she dashed over in her uniform, on duty, a small plate with a cheesecake slice on it and a candle stuck on top of it balanced on her hand.

"Oh, it's called trestling," Leonard smiled at her for only a moment before returning his attention back to the match, not wanting to miss this.

"It combines the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental agility of Tetris into the ultimate sport," Howard watched the match eagerly.

"Yeah, that's terrific," Penny cut in, "But what they wanted me to ask you was to cut it the hell out!" she hissed the last five words before calling back over her shoulder to her coworkers, "Right, come on guys, come on," she led the other waiters off to another table, singing happy birthday to a random diner.

"We might as well stop," Sheldon sighed, his gaze focused on his computer screen, not even looking at Raj, his own arm resting straight up on the table despite Raj's best efforts to push it down, "It's a stalemate. You're beating me in Tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler Elf."

"Keebler Elf?" Raj scoffed, "I've got your Keebler Elf right here!" he strained to push Sheldon's arm down, having to relinquish his Tetris match to use both hands on Sheldon...but the man's arm barely moved at all, "Ok, it's a stalemate."

Claire laughed and reached out, squeezing Sheldon's arm a bit teasingly as they both let go, "Still got those muscles eh, Shelly?"

Most people would look at Sheldon and think he was a stereotypical weakling, and he was, he very much was. He could lift his basket of laundry and that was probably the extent of his strength. But this wasn't about brute strength, or it wasn't always. If you knew the right angle to get your arm, the right position on the table, and applied just enough force to lock your muscles, you could at least hold your own in arm wrestling, even if you couldn't physically push back and win, it would keep the other person from beating you. And Sheldon had ample experience with that in dealing with his older brother George. The man would always try to trick Sheldon into doing things, like his chores or homework, and try to get him to do it by arm wrestling. Sheldon had worked out early what his brother was doing and, knowing his brother was stronger than him, had studied the strength and anatomy of the human arm to find a way to at least stalemate it, he could then trick his brother right back into calling off the challenge because it was a tie.

She always liked to tease him that it wasn't physics that let him win but his own strength and awesome muscles, a joke but one that they'd been doing since they were children.

Sheldon gave her a small smile for the sense of nostalgia that brought up, his arm twitching a bit as she gave it a light squeeze, feeling a sort of thrill go through him at having her hand on his arm, complimenting his (lacking) physique, feeling pleased that she found him appealing and...he stiffened.

What was WRONG with him? He'd never cared about that before.

He quickly pulled his arm away and shut his laptop, his mind racing for an explanation for how his mind had wandered. And it hit him. It must be the adrenaline from the strain of the match and endorphins that had been released from managing to best Raj even without actually winning. Yes, that was it, the endorphins were creating a chemical imbalance in his system making him feel warm and tingling from the thrill of his victory. It had nothing to do with Claire or her touching his arm or complimenting him. It was the rush of success and proving himself superior to another intellectual.

"So Leonard," Penny smiled as she headed back to their table, "Will we be seeing you on Saturday for your free birthday cheesecake?"

"He can't eat cheesecake, he's lactose intolerant," Sheldon cut in, turning his mind to the facts.

"Ok, he can have carrot cake."

"What about the cream cheese frosting?"

"He can scrape it off," Penny said through clenched teeth.

"Forget about the cake," Leonard waved it off, "How did you know that my birthday is Saturday?"

"I did your horoscope, remember," Penny reminded him, "I was _going_ to do everybody's until Sheldon went on one of his typical psychotic rants..."

"For the record," Sheldon stated, exasperated, "That psychotic rant was a concise summation of the research of Bertram Forer, who in 1948 proved conclusively, through meticulously designed experiments, that astrology is nothing but pseudo scientific hokum."

Penny blinked looked at Claire as the woman was reaching for the desert menu, "A guy studied some horoscopes and decided they didn't mean anything."

Penny shook her head at Sheldon, "Typical Taurus."

"Pisces," Claire corrected her guess, though she didn't give away Sheldon's actual birthday, just...narrowed it down.

Penny just smirked, "Good thing you're a Capricorn then Claire, harmonizes the Pisces..."

"Oh please," Sheldon scoffed, "As though that affects our friendship. My emotions aren't ruled by the stars, Penny. I love Claire because of her brilliant mind and personality not because she's a…a candycorn."

Penny blinked and stared at him, not sure if she had really heard what she'd thought she'd just heard, "What did you just say, Sheldon?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes, huffing at the irritation of having to repeat himself again, "I said, 'Oh please, as though that affects our friendship. My emotions aren't ruled by the stars, Penny. I like Claire because…"

Penny ignored the rest of what he was saying, focusing more on the one single word that she was sure, 100 percent sure had been different the first time around. He'd said LOVE first. She KNEW he had. But as she looked at the table, it seemed like the others had tuned Sheldon out as they often did, the boys not even reacting or really listening when he talked on one of his 'rants.' Claire, though she knew the woman would be more likely to have heard, seemed to be frowning with concentration at the dessert menu as if she were trying to make a life altering decision.

"Claire," she called, getting the girl's attention, "What's that thing...a um...a Floridian trip?"

"A Freudian slip?" Claire guessed.

"Yeah, yeah, that thing, whatever, what is it again?"

"It's when something slips out because it's truest in your subconscious mind. You don't realize you've said it most of the time."

Penny nodded and started smiling, ooh she knew it! Well, she didn't really know it, and knowing Sheldon and his definitions and views of emotions, it might be something entirely different than what she thought but...she wanted to squeal! But when she saw Sheldon frowning at her in confusion she turned to Leonard instead, best not bring THAT up to Sheldon just yet, he seemed the sort to get very defensive and pushy and resistant when he was confronted with something he wasn't ready for. And if Claire was right and it was subconscious and not something Sheldon was aware of...she didn't want to risk pushing him. But she was SO going to do more research about this, see if there wasn't some experiments and observations she could make.

Ooh, look at her sounding like a scientist.

"So," she shook her head, fighting to keep her grin down, "Leonard," she cleared her throat, "Seriously, are we going to see you Saturday?"

"Oh, I don't think so," Leonard shrugged.

"Why not?"

"I don't celebrate my birthday."

"Shut up, yeah you do."

"No, it's no big deal, it's just the way I was raised," he explained, "My parents focused on celebrating achievements, and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them."

"Uh, that's so silly."

"It's actually based on very sound theories," Sheldon cut in, "His mother published a paper on it."

"What was it called, 'I hate my son and that's why he can't have cake?'"

"It was obviously effective, Leonard grew up to be an experimental physicist. Perhaps if she'd also denied him Christmas he'd be a little better at it."

"Thank you, Sheldon," Leonard remarked dryly.

Claire smiled empathetically at Leonard for that, she could relate very much to that. She wanted to say something to him, to Sheldon as well, but, well, it wasn't something she really wanted to broadcast to the rest of the boys or even Penny, it was a little personal.

"Well I love birthdays," Howard smiled, "Waking up to Mom's special French Toast breakfast, wearing the birthday king crown, playing laser tag with all my friends..."

"Yeah, see, that's what kids _should_ have," Penny nodded, pointing at Howard.

"That was last year Pen," Claire told her with an amused grin.

"How did you know?" Howard frowned at her, VERY sure he would have noticed if a redheaded woman had actually joined them in those celebrations.

"Shelly sent me pictures," Claire shrugged. Just because they didn't see each other as often as they'd have liked didn't mean they didn't keep in touch.

"So you've really never had a birthday party?" Penny turned to Leonard again.

"No," he answered, "But it was ok. I mean, when I was little I'd think maybe my parents would change their mind, and surprise me with a party, like this one birthday I came home from my cello lesson, and I saw a lot of strange cars parked out front, and when I got to the door I could hear people whispering, and I could smell German chocolate cake, which is my favorite."

"Good choice," Claire nodded, she loved chocolate.

"And?" Penny shook her head.

"Uh, it turns out my grandfather had died," Leonard said.

"Oh my God, that's terrible!"

"Oh, it was kind of like a birthday party," he tried to make the best of it, "I got to see all my cousins and there was cake, so…"

"That's the saddest thing I've ever heard."

"You think?" Howard scoffed, "Go ahead, tell her about your senior prom."

"Oh I remember that," Claire smiled fondly, "Shelly and I went, well, HE went to MY prom, we were 16. That was a blast."

Penny would have raised her eyebrows at that, not just from Claire claiming a school dance with Sheldon was fun...but from the fact that Sheldon had even gone, but then Sheldon even seemed to agree.

"I suppose it was...bearable, even being forced into it by Missy," Sheldon had to admit begrudgingly, "Though it was more the company than the party."

~8~

Claire and Penny waited till they heard Leonard leave the apartment later that day before making their way over to the boys' apartment, Claire letting her in with the emergency key, "Hey guys," they called.

"Hello Claire," Sheldon greeted as Claire moved to sit beside him on the couch armrest, "Hello Penny. Leonard just left."

"We know," Penny said quickly, needing to get this set up before Leonard came back, "We want to talk to you."

"What would _we_ talk about?" he gestured between himself and Penny, "Claire and I could talk for hours, and we have, but you and I have no overlapping areas of interest I'm aware of, and you know I don't care for chitchat."

Penny rolled her eyes at how contradictory he was but continued, "Here's the deal, we," she gestured around the room to all of them, Howard and Raj included, "Are going to throw Leonard a kick-ass surprise party for his birthday on Saturday."

"I hardly think so, Leonard made it very clear he doesn't want a party."

"Did someone say party?" Howard perked up at that, even Raj looking interested, grabbing his white board.

"I don't think he was making it very clear he doesn't want one, Shelly," Claire argued, "He seemed to just not think of it cause he ain't never had one. If YOU had never seen Star Wars, would you be excited to see a miniature model of the Death Star?"

Sheldon blinked at that, nodding along with her logic, "I suppose that's possible..."

"Well for the record," Howard just HAD to add, "I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one."

Claire leaned over to where Howard was sitting on the couch, resting her hand on Sheldon's shoulder for a balance to smack Howard on he shoulder, looking to Penny as she pulled back, "Do you want to get the duct tape or should I?"

Penny just shook her head, "Howard, here's the difference. The possibility exists that Leonard could have a birthday party before hell freezes over."

"Fine," Howard huffed, before smirking at Penny, "If I do have a threesome, you can't be part of it," Penny crossed her arms, unamused, "I'm just kidding, yes you can. Can you bring a friend?"

"Claire get the tape."

"Ooh bondage," Howard teased, as Claire stood up, making him grin, "You know if you and Penny want me that bad, I can find some time in my schedule for the two of you and..." he started to turn to her, intent to give her a grin...when he was dealt a slap across the face by Claire.

"What in God's name is _wrong_ with you that you would ask a woman to have a threesome with you when they are clearly NOT interested, Howard Wolowitz?!" she glared at him as Howard blinked at her, his eyes wide, his hand on his cheek, "And I swear to god," she added in a huff of anger, "You ever talk to Penny or I like that again, you ever speak to us like that ever again, I will go medieval on your ass so fast you won't even have time to say 'egads!'"

"Medieval as in..." Howard shifted, sounding almost squeamish.

"I wrote a paper on Medieval Torture Devices," she deadpanned.

Howard swallowed hard and made a locking motion over his mouth.

Claire nodded and turned with a huff, sitting back down next to Sheldon, crossing her arms, still very on edge about how Howard had spoken to her and Penny. She knew he was a creep, but that had just crossed a line because she knew he was being completely serious and it was disturbing. She was going to have to talk to Sheldon about getting his friend under control or she was not going to hang around them when Howard was there.

Penny opened her mouth to comment, when she saw Sheldon reach out and pat Claire's knee in comfort, not really looking at Claire but the action seemed so automatic that it almost made her smile...but then she remembered why Claire was so angry and shot a glare at a rather pale Howard, the man likely thinking of all the different devices that existed, "Remind me never to get you angry," Penny tried to lighten the mood with a tease to Claire.

But all her efforts were in vain when Sheldon went right back to talking about the party as though Howard hadn't said anything, "I think a birthday party is a terrible idea," he got up to go get a glass of water in the kitchen, well, two glasses, Claire would want something to do with her hands instead of try to strangle Howard. It took a lot for Claire to get upset like that, he knew HE wasn't the easiest person to be around, but Claire had put up with him nearly her entire life. What Howard had said was very rude, vulgar, and offensive and if Claire hadn't let him have it HE was about to tell the man to get out of the apartment. Claire had seemed to make her point though as Howard was completely silent, "I envy Leonard for growing up without that anguish."

"Anguish?" Penny looked at him, incredulous.

"Year after year," he lamented, "I had to endure wearing conical hats while being forced into the crowded sweaty hell of bouncy castles, not to mention being blindfolded and spun towards a grotesque tailless donkey as the other children mocked my disorientation."

Truly the only good thing about his birthdays were Claire's gifts, she always knew exactly what to get him to make the day bearable.

"Ok, sweetie," Penny sighed, "I understand you have scars that no non-professional can heal, but nevertheless we are going to throw Leonard a birthday party."

"Have I pointed out that I am extremely uncomfortable with dancing, loud music, and most other forms of alcohol induced frivolity?" Sheldon asked as he entered the room again, handing Claire a glass of water.

"Nevertheless we are…"

"In addition I really don't think that Leonard wants a…"

"Ok, here's the deal," Penny cut in, now in a huff herself, "You either help us throw Leonard a birthday party or, so help me God, I will go into your bedroom and I will unbag all of your most valuable, mint condition comic books. And, on one of them, you won't know which, I'll draw a tiny happy face...in _ink_."

"You can't do that," Sheldon frowned, "If you make a mark on a mint comic book it's no longer mint."

"And that's called blackmail, Shelly Bean," Claire called, taking a sip of the water, trying not to look at Howard lest she be tempted to smack him again.

Sheldon's eyes widened at the implication, at the smug look Penny was giving him that told him she really WOULD do that, "I have an idea, let's throw Leonard a kick-ass birthday party."

~8~

Claire glanced up from where she was in the process of preparing to try her hand at hopefully successfully decorating Leonard's cake, a very special German chocolate cake Penny had ordered from a local bakery, plain as they wanted the decoration to be more personal, when there was a knock on the door, a precise set of two knocks, two knocks, and one knock. And yet Sheldon, who was standing before the door, refused to open it, continuing to just stare at the door.

It happened again and Sheldon let out an exasperated sigh before opening the door, "That's _not_ the secret knock!"

"Two, one, two," Claire called as Sheldon demonstrated, picking up a bowl and scooping icing from the little containers at the store into it.

"What difference does it make?" Howard asked.

"The whole point of a secret knock is to establish a non-verbal signal to verify the identity of one's co-conspirators!" Sheldon whispered.

"Is that Raj and Howard?" Penny called from her room where she was finishing wrapping Leonard's gift.

"Possibly, but unverified."

"Just let them in Shelly," Claire told him, looking around for the food coloring, and he stepped back.

"Luckily for you two," he remarked to Howard and Raj, "This is not a nuclear reactor."

"So, what did you get the birthday boy?" Penny asked as she walked in to see them with gifts in hand.

"Well, Raj got him an awesome limited edition Dark Knight sculpture based on Alex Ross's definitive Batman, and I got him this amazing autographed copy of the Feynman lectures on physics," Howard beamed.

Penny looked at Claire as Howard and Raj placed their gifts on her coffee table, "Raj got him a Batman statue, Howard got him a book."

Penny nodded, "Nice. Claire got him a movie and I got him a sweater."

"Ok," Howard nodded slowly, "Well, he might like that, I've seen him…watch movies and, you know, theaters are chilly."

Penny rolled her eyes at his put down of their gifts, and turned to Sheldon when she saw 4 gifts instead of 5, "Uh, Sheldon, I didn't see your present."

Claire sighed, starting to squeeze the green coloring into the icing, "That's because he didn't bring one," she told Penny, "Shelly decided not to get him a present."

"Well why not?"

"Don't ask," Howard tried to say quickly, but...

"The entire institution of gift-giving makes no sense," Sheldon defended with a huff.

"Too late," he muttered.

"Let's say that I go out and I spend 50 dollars on you, it's a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, whereas you know what you need. Now I can simplify things, just give you the 50 dollars directly and, you could give me 50 dollars on my birthday, and so on until one of us dies leaving the other one old and 50 dollars richer. And I ask you, is it worth it?"

"Told you not to ask," Howard sing-songed.

"Well, Sheldon, you're his friend," Penny argued, "Friends give each other presents."

"I accept your premise, I reject your conclusion," Sheldon stated.

Penny crossed her arms, giving him a look, deciding to test a theory she'd been working on out, "So you're gonna tell me that, in all the time you've known Claire, you've NEVER given her a single gift? Ever? For anything?"

Sheldon blinked and frowned at the mere thought of it, "Of course I have, that would be rude to not get her something."

"And why's that?"

"Because she is my best friend."

"And what's Leonard?"

"My roommate."

"Roomates _can_ be friends too Sheldon," Penny explained, though she was secretly thrilled her theory seemed to be right. Claire was definitely someone special to Sheldon, special enough where he automatically seemed to do things differently when it came to her. She'd been thinking that maybe, a good way to handle Sheldon (since she knew she would never know him as well as Claire did or handle him like that) would be to use Claire to do it. Bring up Claire, drop Claire's name, and see how differently he acted. And it was working! "I'm friends with Claire."

"That doesn't create an accurate argument, many people can be roommates but not friends as well and..."

"It's a non-optional, social convention Shelly," Claire called, stemming off the argument from continuing any longer. Sheldon, sometimes, didn't understand why people did things, didn't understand why it was expected of him to do similar things that he didn't see the point in. Telling him it was just a general expectation put on people by the masses was one way to do it. He usually wouldn't argue against it as he understood that he missed quite a bit of social cues and other things. He trusted her to tell him when he was arguing a moot point because it was just 'something people did' and that he should do to. She would never tell him to do something bad or dangerous that others did, but in a general sense of what was polite that he often missed.

"Oh," Sheldon nodded, "Fair enough."

Penny shook her head but smiled at how quickly he gave into that, Claire definitely knew how to handle Sheldon.

"Question," Sheldon continued, "How am I going to get Leonard a present before the party? I don't drive, Claire will want to finish the cake so she can't take me, and the only things available within walking distance are a Thai restaurant and a gas station. I suppose I could wrap up an order of mee krob and a couple of lottery scratchers..."

"Ok," Penny nodded, "Let's do this, um, I will drive Sheldon to get a present, Claire you finish the cake," Claire held up the now green-covered spatula in her hand in salute that she'd heard her, "And Howard, you need to get rid of Leonard for about two hours."

"No problem," Howard agreed.

"And then Raj, you bring the stuff across the hall and start setting up."

'What if guests show up' he held up a white board.

"Entertain them."

He erased his last remark and held up, 'What if they're _women_?'

"Stare at them and make them feel uncomfortable."

Raj nodded, holding a thumbs up.

~8~

Penny was about to pull her hair out. She'd tried to get Sheldon to pick something fun for Leonard in the computer store, but he just kept looking at routers...whatever those were, "What do you think?" he held up two boxes at her.

"Um, that one," she pointed to the left one.

"Because of the two additional Ethernet ports?"

"Sure."

"He doesn't need them, he's already got a 640 connect switch."

"Oh, ok then this one," she tried to point at the other one.

"Why?"

"I don't know," she took the box and turned it to show him a grinning man on the front, "The man on the box looks so happy?"

"Penny!" he shook his head chastisingly at her, "If I'm going to buy Leonard a gift, I'm going to do it _right_. I refuse to let him experience the same childhood trauma I did."

"Oh, I know I'm going to regret this," she muttered, "But…what trauma?"

"On my 12th birthday I _really_ wanted a titanium centrifuge, so, you know, I could separate radioactive isotopes."

"...of course."

"Instead of a titanium centrifuge, my parents bought me…" he choked up a bit, "Wow, this is hard," he took a breath, "They got me…a _motorized dirt bike_."

"No!" Penny mock gasped in mock-horror.

"What 12 year old boy wants a motorized dirt bike?" he lamented, "The _only_ thing that made it bearable was when Claire suggested we take it apart and use its parts to build a robot."

"Right," she nodded, "Ok, so we're getting this one?" she held up the box she'd taken.

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Ok, let's go."

"Excuse me," a woman walked up to them, having heard Sheldon talking to Penny about the boxes, and gestured around, "Do you know anything about this stuff?"

"I know _everything_ about this stuff," Sheldon smirked.

"Ok, I have my own wholesale flower business, and I want to hook up my computer in the front entrance with the one in my refrigerated warehouse."

"Here, buy this one," Penny handed the woman the box with the smiling man on it, "Look, it's the one we're getting, see, happy guy available."

"No, no, no, no, she doesn't want that, she needs..." Sheldon turned and pulled a box off a shelf, "A point-to-point peer network with a range extender."

"Thank you," the woman took it.

...and then another man came up to them, "Which hard drive do I want, firewire or USB?"

"It depends on what Bus you have," Sheldon remarked.

The man stared at him for a moment, "I drive a Chevy Cavalier."

"Oh, dear lord."

"Sheldon, we have to _go_ ," Penny hissed.

"Not now, Penny, this poor man needs me," he held up a hand to a woman who was approaching with another question, "You hold on, I'll be right with you," before focusing on the man before him, "What computer do you have, and please don't say a white one?"

Penny rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, walking off just a few steps to speak more privately.

~8~

Claire looked up from where she was standing in the kitchen, her hands pressed on the counter, half hunched over as she tried to stare down the green-icing covered cake as though it were an enemy to conquer, when she heard her phone ring. She had been trying to find the right way to ice the cake because, of course, there couldn't just be one way or one design or one method, and she had no idea what Leonard would like which was causing havoc on her nerves. She just...she wanted this to be a good birthday for the man. She could tell from how he talked about his mother that the woman wasn't quite affectionate or encouraging. The fact that he hadn't had a birthday before because of his parents' choice not to give him one was upsetting.

Plenty of her birthdays had been missed but it had nothing to do with a conscious choice to refuse her one and more...how easily it slipped certain people's minds.

Never Sheldon's though, never his. He always made her birthday special and she just wanted to help make his friend's birthday a special one too. She wasn't sure if Leonard would enjoy the movie she'd gotten him, so she wanted to do something extra, make the cake a little more personal. And now she was failing that.

She had just let out a sigh, ready to give in and claim defeat, when the phone went off. She looked down at her rather...sticky and green hands and quickly looked around for something to wipe them on but the paper towels were gone and there was nothing so...clothing it was! She wiped her hands on her pants and reached out for her phone.

"Claire?" Penny's voice answered.

"Hey, Pen, what's up?"

"Yeah, hi, listen...how do you get Sheldon OUT of a computer store?"

"Ooh," Claire winced at that, "That's gonna be tricky, sugar."

"Yeah, I can tell. Which is why I called the expert."

Claire chuckled at that, "Alright, well...since the party's already started," she glanced at the door, able to hear the pounding music and shouting through the door, "You don't got much time to really coax him out of there gently. You're gonna need force."

"Should I have brought a baseball bat?"

"No," Claire laughed at that, "No, just um...ok," she nodded, "Here's what you gotta do..."

~8~

Penny led a store employee over to where Sheldon was standing at the in-store computer, helping a woman check inventory, "Ok, we don't have that in stock, but I can special order it for you."

"Him," Penny pointed.

"Excuse me, sir," the employee walked over to him, "You don't work here."

"Yes, well, apparently neither does anyone else," Sheldon straightened.

"Sheldon, we _have_ to go," Penny sighed.

"Why?"

"Well, for one thing, we're late for Leonard's birthday party. For another, Claire told me to make them call security. And third, Leonard's at the hospital with..."

"Is Claire ok!?" Sheldon looked at her, alarmed.

Penny blinked and would have smiled at his concern for the girl, at how his mind had jumped right to Claire being in trouble instead of letting her finish that it was Howard who had, apparently, gone so far as to eat a peanut treat he was allergic to to keep Leonard away from the party, at how he hadn't seemed to process the fact that she'd JUST talked to Claire and the girl was fine...if he hadn't been irritating the hell out of her first, but still it was an opening, "No...no, she's not," she said seriously, "She...um...got some icing on the floor and tripped on it, Leonard had to take her to the hospital to make sure she doesn't have a concussion."

"Again?!" Sheldon grabbed his coat, Penny blinking at the fact that her completely made up story seemed to have actually happened to the girl once in her past, "Why didn't you say so? Let's go!" he cried, pulling Penny out of the store.

~8~

Sheldon had _not_ been happy to learn Penny had tricked him, he'd been frantic when she passed the exit for the hospital, till she told him the truth about Claire not being the one there. Then he'd been relieved Claire was alright. And that was why he was sitting in the apartment, in his spot on the couch, with Claire beside him on the couch instead of on the arm this time. Her head was resting on his shoulder, the girl sleeping after a testing day, and he didn't even mind.

The cake was sitting off to the side, looking a little misshapen and lumpy. Claire had gone a little frantic over the cake. She hadn't known what color to use for the icing, though he had recommended Green, but she also didn't know Leonard's preferences for icing either. Did he like a lot of it? Did he not care for it? She'd put on a little icing, and it looked terrible, so she put more on, but then it was too much so she'd scraped it off and ended up taking bits of the cake with it. She'd tried to coat just the top but then the sides looked weird with no icing. But she had ended up messing up the top in that she realized she had used all the white icing and had no other colors or food coloring. So she'd scraped the top off and tried to write 'Happy Birthday Leonard!' on the top with the green icing. But it was just a mess of trying to make the cake look good and it hadn't worked. She'd spent the entire time getting worked up over it to the point where he and Penny had returned and found her in the kitchen...with green splatters caking her hair, green streaked across her cheek and forehead, on the edge of her clothing, on the counter, just...everywhere. There was even some on the ceiling.

Penny had actually tried to tease and ask her if she managed to get any of the cake and it just served to make Claire throw her hands up in surrender and go to shower the icing off before Leonard got there.

Afterwards it had been them standing there awkwardly in the middle of the party as it began to die down, Penny having invited quite a few friends and random people to help Leonard celebrate. Claire now had a headache from the loud music and he was not about to wake her, not even with her head on his shoulder. She needed to sleep it off, sleep helped her deal with her headaches.

He looked over to see Penny curled up on the armchair while Raj drunkenly sang karaoke, the party now over, everyone gone, Leonard having never shown.

...and then the door opened and the birthday boy and Howard stepped in.

"Dude!" Raj called, "Everybody left an hour ago! Surprise!"

~8~

Penny and Leonard sat on the couch, Raj's phone in his hand as they watched his recording of the party, a woman sitting on his shoulders as he spoke to his phone, "Ok Leonard, here I am at your birthday party, I don't know where you are dude, but it's really kick-ass. Everyone is very, very drunk, and uh…" the girl poured some beer into his mouth, "Oh look, there's a girl taking her shirt off!"

"That's my friend Carol," Penny winced as the camera turned to the woman, "Remind me, I've got to introduce her to Howard."

"Oh sweet Krishna, shake it, that rupee maker!"

Penny sighed as Leonard turned off the video, "I'm so sorry you didn't get your party."

"Oh, it's ok," Leonard waved it off.

"Happy birthday anyways," she turned and kissed him on the lips, for more than just a second.

"Yeah, happy birthday!" Claire called as she led the three boys over, a plate with the cake on it in her hands, a candle on the top, "Enjoy your German Chocolate cake and icing, lactose free for both!"

Leonard smiled as they sang happy birthday to HIM, wishing hard that every birthday could be like this, before he blew out the candle. He didn't need a good party, just good friends, which he had. Even Sheldon.

A/N: Aww :) I really wanted Claire to be the one to handle the cake. Not the baking of it (dear lord no!) but frosting it. Because to her, it should be simple and easy enough...but she's so indecisive that she just kept wiping it off and trying again and changing her mind. It's easier when she really knows someone to make a decision about what they might want or like, like...if she was decorating a cake for Sheldon, she would know exactly how HE likes his cake to be and would decorate it like that without hesitation. But for Leonard, she's not sure what his preferences are so she kept changing it up and getting frustrated lol. But she really wanted to be able to contribute too incase her present wasn't all that great :) He's also Sheldon's roommate and one of his friends and she wanted to help do this for him too :)

It might be a bit harsh to have Howard slapped here, but I was just thinking that if I were Penny and some man was crudely talking about wanting a threesome with me, even in a teasing way, I would have turned and walked away. Claire would not stand for Howard's remarks and it sort of crossed a line for her and she was NOT going to let him talk to her or Penny like that :(

And can you believe, there's just ONE more chapter left of this story before we get the next one!? O.O It went by so fast! But we'll be starting season 2's story very soon :)

Some notes on reviews...

Oh I think Missy would have clung to Claire as her official translator and stuck her tongue out at Sheldon when he tried to tug her away. ...and now I'm imagining them doing a tug-of-war over Claire as kids :) My brother was the same, though his obsession was cars. I know the names of items and parts of a car...but I don't fully know what they are lol :) I got a little revenge though, my siblings now know the word TARDIS but aren't fully sure what it is lol :)

I think Missy and Penny will definitely be talking about Claire and Sheldon ;) ;)

There probably won't be times where Claire wakes up next to another guy. She's not quite as experienced as Penny is, one thing she retained from where she grew up (and also a little bit from her enjoyment of medieval literature and how women were viewed then) was not to do anything before marriage. It's not quite going to hold up in the long run that she HAS to be married first, but Claire takes it to be that she should be in a very serious and committed relationship before she does anything with a man, so probably no awkwardness like that ;)

Lol, it might be a nod to DW, but it's more Claire genuinely does prefer bowties to regular ties, (something that will come up whenever Sheldon needs to dress formally) she thinks they're cute and sophisticated and genuinely thinks they're cool ;) So a nod to DW, but more the character's actual preference and thoughts on bowties ;) And I'm glad you're concerned about Penny teaching Claire to cook lol, it's definitely meant to be a joke since she's not a good cook herself. As Sheldon thinks to himself in the 8th chapter '...Sheldon's mind began to race with the implications, mentally making a list of all the fire hazard materials, first aid products, and other protective items he would need to stock up on if Penny, who wasn't exactly a chef herself, was going to try and teach _Claire_ to cook. Oh dear lord, they were going to burn down the building weren't they?' :) I'm glad you're liking Claire so far though ;)

It'll take a while before Sheldon and Claire really get together in an official sense ;) Sheldon's seen Claire his whole life as 'his best friend' so for him to realize that he's seeing her differently now and understanding what that means will take a while, he doesn't like change for the most part :)

Leonard and Claire will definitely bond over childhood, more so when Claire actually gets a chance to meet Leonard's mother in person ;) I think, for the boys, they're more afraid of getting too close to Claire unless she wants to get close to them first. They sort of see her as 'Sheldon's' and they know how he can get when people try to take his things. Leonard will be the first to start to bond with her, Raj might have trouble due to his mutism and, after this chapter, Claire isn't too fond of Howard so he would have to reconsider how he acts around her and talks to her first ;)

I can say Sheldon and Amy won't be together as long as they are in the show, I can tease that, at the very least, all of Season 8 will be Sheldon and Claire together (but I'm not saying at what point before that they get together ;)), there'll be a sort of ongoing joke and a bit of an imbalance in Sheldon and Amy's relationship that we'll see when he actually starts to date Amy though that might help hold out for the Sheldon/Claire to happen :)

Oh Sheldon would definitely start to worry about Claire's future and health yup ;) And I'm very excited for Nowitzki to appear, it'll definitely be a redhead face off lol :)


	11. The Tangerine Factor

The Tangerine Factor

"Penny wait!" Claire shouted as she followed the irate blonde across the hall to the boys' apartment, "Hold on! Just..."

But it was too late, Penny had already shoved her way into their apartment, storming to the window with a brisk, "I need to use your window!" shouted at Leonard, not even waiting to hear a response before she was slamming their window open.

"Oh, yeah, no, sure, go ahead?" Leonard frowned, confused, glancing at Claire for some sort of clarification of what was going on, either because she was Penny's roommate and had been trying to stop the woman, so she clearly knew what was going on, or because she was a girl and if it was a girl thing she'd be the best person to explain it. He wasn't sure he wanted to risk asking Penny now that the woman seemed to be on a warpath.

Penny half leaned out the window, making Claire jerk forward as if to grab her incase she fell out, calling out to a man on the street, "Hey jerk-face, you forgot your iPod!" and threw it out of the window, none of them knowing if she was aiming for the man's head or the street but whatever the case, the device clearly hit the concrete below.

"Um...what's going on?" Leonard asked Claire as he saw the girl shaking her head.

"Well, Leonard, it seems Penny and Mike...um...broke up?" Claire simplified, trying to give the most PG rated version of events for what had happened with Sheldon in the same room.

Penny, however, was all for telling them straight up, scoffing out, "Ha! That stupid, self-centered bastard wrote about our sex life in his blog!" she turned back to the window, "Drop dead, you stupid, self-centered bastard!" she slammed the window shut once more and turned back to them, forcing herself to take a breath, before turning to Leonard, "Thank you," she offered, gesturing at the window and stalked out of the room.

"Penny..." Claire ran after her, wanting to make sure Penny was ok...though she was very tempted to turn back when she heard Howard say, 'Not now, I have a blog to find!'

She shook her head at that remark and hurried after Penny, hopefully the little tricks that Sheldon had taught her would help her find Mike's blog first and shut it down before Howard or any one else could see it.

~8~

Claire opened the apartment door when someone knocked on it, "Hey," she winced, seeing Leonard standing there, "Not really the best time Leonard..."

"I know, I know," he nodded, trying to glance past her and over at Penny who seemed to be scooping ice cream into a bowl with a bottle of alcohol next to it, "I just wanted to see if she was ok," Claire sighed but stepped back, letting Leonard in, "Penny, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Leonard, just go away," Penny grumbled, stabbing the ice cream with her spook and stuffing her face with it.

"Look, I understand that breaking up with someone can be very painful…"

"GO AWAY!" she snapped.

"Ok, feel better, bye," he stumbled back, half running out of the apartment.

"Told you!" Claire called after him as he disappeared back into his apartment.

Penny sighed, moving to sit down on the couch, the bowl clutched in her hand, "I shouldn't have yelled at him."

"No," Claire agreed, moving to sit beside her, hesitating a moment before she put her arm around Penny's shoulders, giving her a little squeeze, trying to be comforting, "But he'll understand. It's not easy to be nice to others when you're hurting inside. Shelly's heard me holler a few times at him when I get a migraine, he understands it's just my head hurting that makes me shout. Just like Leonard will understand it's just your heart hurting that was making you shout."

Penny shoved another spoonful into her mouth, "Still...I feel even worse now."

Claire gave her a sympathetic look, "Want me to go check on him?" she asked, rubbing Penny's back, "Apologize for you?"

"Would you?" Penny looked at her. She wanted to do it herself, but she...she didn't want Leonard to see her like this.

"No problem, sugar," she smiled, getting up and heading across the hall, stepping in to the apartment in time to see Raj looking over Howard's shoulder as he sat at a laptop on Leonard's desk, Sheldon and Leonard away from the duo and by the couch.

"...posted intimate details of their physical relationship on his blog, which I cannot find anywhere," Howard was grumbling.

"Because I managed to get access to it and block Howie," Claire called, moving to sit beside Sheldon on the armrest, "Only Penny has access to it now," she hadn't been quick enough to keep other people from seeing it, but she'd managed to keep it from spreading.

"Is she..." Leonard began.

Claire offered him a smile, "She's calmed down some, wanted me to apologize to you for her for snapping before."

He nodded, standing, "You know what," he took a breath, "I'm going to go back and try talking to her again."

"Good for your Leonard," Claire beamed, "You are the sweetest man on earth."

"Thank you," Leonard grinned adorably.

"Hold on," Sheldon looked at her, a small pout on his face, "I'll have you know I can be incredibly sweet too, see," and gave her a heart-melting smile.

Claire just shook her head, smirking at that, "We both know that's your Koala face," she tsked him, she'd gone to the zoo a time or two with him, he always made that face at the koalas, they were his favorite.

Sheldon let out a little huff at that but turned back to the conversation when Howard decided to offer his opinion as well, "Good idea! Sit with her, hold her, comfort her, and if the moment feels right, see if you can cop a feel."

Claire leaned over and grabbed a pillow off the armchair and threw it at his head for that remark, "Pervert."

"I'm _not_ going to do that, Howard," Leonard rolled his eyes, reaffirming Claire's faith in _man_ kind.

"I'm not aware of any social convention that requires you to intervene at all," Sheldon frowned, remarking offhandedly.

"What about the damsel in distress, Shelly?" Claire pointed out.

"The 12th century code of chivalry is not exactly current," he argued, "Leonard would also have to be knighted for that to apply."

She scoffed, "You can't tell me you don't remember when we used to play that game Shelly Bean. Don't you dare deny that you weren't always the knight coming to rescue me from our brothers."

He sighed, "Oh the days of ignorant youth."

"The 'social convention' you're looking for extends from that," Claire continued, "It's the modern notion that, when a woman is upset, a friend, whether male or female, comfort her," Claire explained, gently putting her hand on his shoulder, "Like when my daddy threw that little robotic dog you made for me away. You comforted me then."

"Yes, because you were upset," Sheldon frowned, "You were crying, and you never cry."

Claire smiled softly at that, "Well right now, _Penny's_ upset" she explained, "Probably more than I was."

"Oh," Sheldon blinked and nodded, "I see."

Leonard nodded, relieved Sheldon was going to lay off him going now, "I'm going over there."

"Remember to sit on your hands a bit so they're warm!" Howard called.

"Howard, don't make me get the duct tape," Claire rolled her eyes, trying to find another pillow in reach but came up with nothing.

"I'm her friend, I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability," Leonard told them.

"What, so you're saying that if, in the depths of despair, she throws herself at you and demands you take her, right there, right now, you'll just walk away?" Howard smirked, catching the next pillow Claire managed to grab hold of.

"I said I'm her friend. Not her gay friend," Leonard mumbled before heading out...only to return not even 5 minutes later looking like he'd just made the worst mistake of his life.

"What happened Leonard?" Claire asked, catching sight of his expression first, cutting off her debate with Sheldon about whether actual knights would be more chivalrous than robot knights that were programmed to be such.

"I think I may have just helped Penny get back together with Mike," he sighed, falling down onto the couch, stunned that he'd done that, "She's on her way over to his place right now.

Claire shook her head, getting up, "Leave it to me," she told him, pulling out her cell phone as she headed for the door, not wanting Howard to overhear some of the things she'd be saying, "Pen?" she called as Penny picked up, "What in the nine circles of hell do you think you're doing running off after a man who told the world that you…"

"No!" Howard cried as the door shut on what Claire was saying, leaving him falling off the chair he'd been sitting in in his attempts to lean over and hear more.

"So...how did you convince penny to forgive Mike?" Raj asked.

Leonard sighed.

~8~

Needless to say, things had _not_ gone well with Mike and Penny getting back together. Mike had, apparently, already moved on to another woman...which Penny walked in on. She'd shouted at Leonard once more and ended up crying on her couch, Claire beside her, rubbing her back, trying to calm her down. Penny had, of course, felt awful for what she'd done, again, yelling at Leonard when he'd been trying to help but this time SHE insisted on being the one to apologize to Leonard for yelling. She'd asked Claire if she might send Leonard over and give her a minute or two to talk to him.

So Claire had gone to Sheldon's to give them time to talk and come back only after Leonard returned looking rather pleased...only to find Penny pacing a hole in the floor, wringing her hands.

"Pen?" she paused, shutting the door slowly, "You wanna tell me why Leonard looks like he just went and won the lottery, sugar?"

Penny stopped pacing and looked over at Claire, smiling softly, seeming very touched by what Claire had said, "He looks like he won the lottery?"

"Oh yeah," Claire laughed, nodding her head as she thought back to Leonard's face.

Penny's smile faltered quickly as she shook her head, "No, no, that's bad."

"Can I ask why?" Claire frowned, confused, moving to sit on the couch and look at her.

Penny took a deep breath, hurrying to sit down beside Claire, before blurting out, "He asked me out."

Claire blinked, still not following, "...ok?"

"And I said yes," Penny gave her a look like she should know what that meant.

But Claire just nodded slowly, "Still not seeing the problem."

Penny sighed, "What if I go out with him and it destroys our friendship? Or...what if he's just a jerk, I don't exactly have the best track record with men and..."

"Pen," Claire reached out to take her hand, quieting her, "Weren't you _just_ complaining to me earlier that all the men you picked were good looking but pigs? Well, yeah, Leonard's cute in his own way, but he's also smart, and he's the farthest thing from a pig. He's clearly taken with you, he would _never_ treat you badly...or else I'd kick him so hard in the nuts he'd be singing soprano till the day he dies."

Penny laughed at that, "Thanks," she put her hand on Claire's, "So...you think it's a good thing to date Leonard?"

"It's just _one date_ , sugar," she reminded her, "If it's bad, then you're better as friends and you'll both know that. If it's good...who knows, Leonard may be just the guy you need right now. Smart, stable, dedicated, and just...a good person."

Penny smiled a bit, "You're right, there's nothing to worry about," she nodded, before a sly smirk made it's way to her face, "Or, you know, you could always join us..."

"I slapped Howard for is comment on a threesome, I'll slap you too," Claire warned, though it was more with a joking tone, as though she knew that wasn't REALLY what Penny was getting at.

Penny laughed, "No, I mean, join us in a double date."

Claire's face scrunched a little at that, "How would that work?"

"It works when I go on a date with someone and a friend goes on a date with someone else, just the dates happen together."

"Yeah, I know what a double date is," Claire shook her head, "I meant, why would you ask me? I don't have a boyfriend or...or anything like that."

"Really?" Penny deadpanned, giving her an incredulous look, "There's no one you'd be remotely interested in dating?"

"Hmm..." Claire hummed, deeply considering the question, "No, can't say that there is..."

"No one at all?" Penny tried to nudge her on.

"No."

"You're not interested in _anyone_?"

"I don't really know many guys, Pen," Claire pointed out, "I mean, I had some courses with a few guys working for my PhD but," she shrugged, "I know if it's like it was for me everywhere, but most of those guys seemed to think they were destined to be someone's knight in shining armor and I never really was interested in any of them."

"Really?" Penny blinked at that, "I thought all that stuff was your niche."

Claire chuckled, "It is but I just...I never really had a need for a knight in shining armor. I already had one."

"You did?" Penny baited, sensing they were getting back to the point she was trying to make.

"Well yeah," Claire smiled, "Shelly's always been my knight in shining armor."

"And yet you didn't even consider him for a double date?"

"Why would I do that?"

Penny blinked again and stared at her, a realization dawning on her that Claire genuinely had NO idea there was something between her and Sheldon. She thought it would just be Sheldon that she'd have to try and get through to, get him to realize his real feelings about Claire. She'd really thought that Claire, of all people, knew there was something there, but...looking at her now, seeing how Claire was just staring at her, she realized Claire genuinely didn't seem to realize it either.

"Because you two are perfect for each other," Penny tried, "Because you have a major crush on him?"

"I-I d-don't...I don't have a-a-a crush on Shelly," Claire stuttered a bit, seemingly very shocked by Penny's assessment, "I...he-he's my b-best friend! That's all!"

"Oh sweetie," Penny shook her head, "Trust me, the way you act around Sheldon, the way you treat him, I don't think there's a pair of best friends alive that act that way."

"I...I d-don't know wh-what you mean," Claire kept stuttering.

Penny sighed, "You know his entire routine, all his likes and dislikes. You've got the patience of a saint when it comes to him. You shuffle your butt over to his apartment at all hours of the morning if he sends you a text..."

"You know about those?" Claire blinked, startled Penny had heard her leaving.

"Your phone isn't exactly quiet, neither is your cursing when you trip over things," Penny frowned at that, "Seriously you should just nail down your stuff instead of changing it around every two days."

"I can't decide how to fix my room," Claire admitted, "There's just so much stuff and once I set it somewhere I start to think it might be better somewhere else and..."

"No," Penny cut in, not about to let them get distracted from this conversation, "No, no, we're focusing," she looked at Claire, "You and Sheldon, are so not JUST friends, Claire. Trust me."

"We are though," Claire insisted, "All the stuff you said, friends do do that and..."

"I know I don't kiss my friends..."

"You kissed Leonard," Claire pointed out.

"For his birthday," Penny defended, though her cheeks blushed a bit, not about to tell Claire she'd also kissed Leonard during Halloween too before Claire had moved in, "And I definitely did NOT kiss him the way Sheldon kissed you," Penny challenged.

Claire seemed stuck for a response to that, her cheeks flaming, "He-he was d-drunk..."

"Claire, a boy like _Sheldon_ doesn't just kiss anyone like that, drunk or not," she gave Claire a look, "He treats you differently than the rest of us..."

"He's known me longer..."

"And you treat him differently," Penny continued as though she hadn't been interrupted, "You treat him differently than women treat their 'friends.'"

"I-I don't th-think that's tr-true," Claire mumbled.

"Oh sweetie," Penny patted her arm, "It is," she got up, moving to the kitchen, still talking as Claire listened, "And I may not be the expert on fairytales and knights and things like you, but even _I_ know that the 'knight in shining armor' usually ends up being the prince charming that whisks the princess away for their happily ever after, aren't they?"

She returned to the couch with a carton of double chocolate, chocolate chip ice cream and a spoon, handing it to a very stunned Claire who just started to eat it, lost in her thoughts at what Penny had said. Penny shook her head with a small smile as she watched the girl eat, knowing that her words had gotten to the girl. Claire might be a genius according to Sheldon...but when it came to real life and matters of the heart, SHE was the genius then.

~8~

"Hey Pen," Claire greeted, scraping what seemed to be black hockey pucks into the trashcan when Penny entered the apartment later the next day...the woman belatedly realizing that they were meant to be pancakes, "Everything ok?" she asked, seeing that Penny appeared a bit confused about something.

"Ok, three things..." Penny began, not even about to comment on if Claire had thought about what she'd said in regards to liking Sheldon as she was starting to freak out about her upcoming date with Leonard now and her last conversation about it had left her feeling very, very confused.

"Shoot," she called, wiping the pan off, scratching at a bit of stuck on pancake remains with her nail, but still giving Penny her attention.

"Ok, so I tried asking Sheldon his opinion about the Leonard situation since he knows Leonard best..." Claire started to smile, just KNOWING where this was going, "So now I need to know what are..." she looked down at her phone where she'd texted herself her notes, "'Excess epithelial cells slough off naturally?'"

"It's a fancy-smancy word for skin cells," Claire explained, "Like when you scratch your arm, those little flakes. I'm guessing by the 'slough off naturally' Shelly was trying to say that it's best to let it fall off naturally than to scrub them off."

"Right," Penny nodded, that made sense, "And...who's Men-laus?"

Claire's face scrunched, "Menelaus?" she asked for confirmation and Penny nodded, "He was the husband of Helen of Troy, the guy who started the Trojan War to get her back, she was a real beauty according to the myths."

"Ok..." Penny sighed, "One more, a light year? Anything?"

"It's a way to measure distance while travelling in outer space."

"Thought so," she huffed, falling onto the couch, "Sheldon found a spot," she gestured at the room, just letting her know...incase she wanted to find a 'spot' of her own near his.

She glanced at Claire, debating whether she should tell the girl exactly what she and Sheldon had been talking about before she'd asked him about his opinion on her and Leonard. She'd actually asked him if Claire had any tells for if she was lying. Sheldon had remarked that he didn't believe she had any when it came to lying to HIM, though after her remark that she HAD lied to him a time or two he had actually sat down and considered her interactions with others and how she lied to them. Well not really lied, it came out more when someone was asking her about a lie or something she was trying to hide. Turns out, Claire _stuttered_. Just like she had when she'd been asked if she liked Sheldon that way. She was starting to think that maybe Claire really didn't realize, consciously, that she liked Sheldon in that manner. But it HAD to be a Floridia...Freudian Slip that the girl stuttered when she'd been asked that particular thing. Why else would Claire stutter unless some part of her was trying not to admit something, was trying to hide it? Maybe Claire didn't consciously know she liked Sheldon, but subconsciously...she had no doubts the girl was gone for Sheldon Lee Cooper.

Penny shook her head, deciding to keep that little 'telling' tidbit to herself for now, going instead with, "He came in to talk...and then kept going on about some Shubert's cat..."

"Schrodinger's cat?" Claire guessed, setting the pan down and trying to wipe some of the black ashes off her shirt.

"Oh thank god you know about it," she perked up in her seat and twisted to face her, "Explain it to me in a non-Sheldon way?"

Claire laughed, tugging at her shirt as she examined it, wondering if she might be able to get away with just calling the shirt camouflage since it was an olive sort of green and the black smears could count as that, "Basically an experiment that sort of says you won't know what you're gonna get, whether it's good or bad, unless you go for it."

Penny blinked, "Can you like make a book or some sort of translation app for my phone to just translate whatever the hell Sheldon says to me?"

Claire shook her head, "Sorry sugar, I'm one of a kind."

~8~

Leonard sighed as he walked through the University cafeteria with Sheldon, spotting two open seats beside two Asian coworkers, "Two seats right there."

"Chong sho sha pwe," Sheldon nodded at the two, not knowing he'd basically said 'Long live concrete,' before sitting, "Xie xie," he had been trying to learn the language so that he could confront a local restaurant about his unhappiness with their service in their native language. Needless to say, it was not going well.

"Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake," Leonard murmured.

"I can see that," Sheldon agreed, eyeing Leonard's lunch tray, "Unless you're planning on running a marathon, choosing both stuffing and mashed potatoes is a starch filled redundancy. Or unless you're Claire," he added, "She loves potatoes, she actually eats French fries by dipping them in mashed potatoes..."

"Fascinating," Leonard cut in dryly, "No, it's about Penny."

"A mistake involving Penny?" Sheldon paused to think on that, "Ok, you'll have to narrow it down."

"I don't think I can go out with her tonight."

"Then don't," he shrugged.

Leonard sighed, "Other people would say 'why not?'"

"Other people might be interested."

"CLAIRE would ask why not," Leonard pointed out.

"But I'm not Claire."

"I'm going to talk anyway."

"I assumed you would. Claire does that too only I'm contractually obligated to listen anyway, though, to be fair, most of what she says is far more interesting than your drivel about Penny..."

"Now that I'm actually about to go out with Penny, I'm not excited," Leonard ignored his comment, really wanting to talk to someone about it and he wanted to attempt Sheldon, of all people first, he needed cold hard logical thinking right now, "I'm nauseous."

"Ah, then your meal choice is appropriate. Starch absorbs fluid which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion."

"Right..." ok, perhaps he should have tried Claire first then, that was a bit too cold hard logic for him.

"You also made a common grammatical mistake, you said nauseous when you meant nauseated..." he paused, stiffening, "Oh good lord I'm turning into Claire," he sighed, "Go on."

"Sheldon, this date is probably my one chance with Penny, what happens if I blow it?"

"Well, if we accept your premise, and also accept the highly improbable assumption that Penny is the only woman in the world for you, then we can logically conclude that the result of blowing it would be that you end up a lonely, bitter old man with no progeny. The image of any number of evil lighthouse keepers from _Scooby Doo_ cartoons Claire and I would watch comes to mind."

"You're not helping."

"Alright, what response on my part would bring this conversation to a speedy conclusion?"

"Tell me whether or not to go through with the date."

Sheldon considered it a moment, before answering, "Schrodinger's Cat."

"Wow," Leonard blinked, grinning, "That's brilliant!"

"You sound surprised," Sheldon smiled at his food, "Mmm," he turned to the Asian man beside him, "Hou zi shui zai li du."

The couple quickly got up as they stared at Sheldon, before hurrying away, not wanting to know why he'd just said 'your monkey sleeps inside me.'

~8~

"You're gonna do just fine, Leonard," Claire reassured Leonard, Sheldon having asked her to 'fill in' for him in the role of supporter as he had some 'more serious' business to take care of with the Chinese food restaurant that continually gave him an order of tangerine chicken that was not up to his standards, "Stop worrying!"

"But what if..."

"What if what?" she shook her head, putting her hands on his shoulders so he'd look at her, "The _worst_ that can happen is you both discover your better as friends and you'd still be able to hang out."

"I'm just...I want to try and make this the best date she's been on, show her that I'm different than those other jerks that hurt her or let her down in the past."

She smiled at that, touched at how much he really cared about Penny, "'Do or do not," she recited words of wisdom from Master Yoda himself, "There is no try.'"

Leonard laughed at that, "I see why Sheldon likes you," he nodded, feeling confident as he stepped out of the apartment, heading for Penny's.

"Just don't use the Force on her!" Claire laughed after him, waving him on, before shutting the door quickly and watching through the peephole as Leonard entered the apartment, having left the door open by accident. She could see him say something to Penny before swooping in and kissing the girl, making Claire squeal with an ungodly, inhuman noise expressing her glee at the turn of events especially when she saw the wide smile on Penny's face after he pulled away.

Mission successful.

She brushed her hands off and turned to sit on the couch, careful to avoid Sheldon's spot while she waited for Penny and Leonard to head off before going back to her apartment. Her smile started to fade into a considering line as she thought back to what Penny had said the other day, to what Leonard had said only moments ago, 'I see why Sheldon likes you.'

He meant it in a platonic way, she was sure, the same way she liked Sheldon. Because of course she liked Sheldon, he was her best friend, she would always like him. Penny was just...she was getting her signals mixed up. It was Sheldon, the same boy she had grown up with. Yes, she treated him differently because he had some quirks that she had seen others, far too often, push aside and ignore or make more difficult for him to live with and she wasn't going to do that to him. So...sure, she did go over his apartment at ungodly hours because he texted that he needed her help. Friends did that. She was almost sure of it. And, Sheldon was a kind man at heart, sure he was sarcastic and sometimes arrogant and his remarks and pride sometimes hurt others, but deep down he was a caring man that did try to look out for the people that were important to him.

He was important to her as well.

And, so what if she found his little breathy laugh that he did when he found something funny to be cute? It was. It was adorable and unique to him. And what did it matter if she'd never really had a sort of long relationship with another boy because of Sheldon? Oh she'd had a boyfriend or two here and there, but the ones from Texas would always make some remark about Sheldon and she'd drop them like a hot potato. Or they'd act a little too chivalrous and it would just remind her of Sheldon and her playing knights and damsels and how he was her self-appointed knight. What did it matter if Sheldon was her longest relationship with a man? It didn't mean she liked him like THAT.

No.

His laugh was cute, yes. And his hugs, when he did give them to her, despite being awkward at first, always made her warm inside. And maybe he was her first real kiss and ok, maybe when he kissed her it wasn't like the other handful of men she'd kissed in the past but something...something that made her insides tingle and her mind go black for a little. And ok...she liked being able to sit on the armrest right next to him, and tease him, and perhaps she might have applied to Caltech in the off chance she'd get to see her best friend more. And maybe her favorite color happened to be the same as his eyes, and she really liked to see him happy, and she liked holding his hand (after sanitizing her own) during scary movies she would talk him into seeing for the sheer fact that it gave her two hours of straight hand holding and...

Claire sat up straight on the couch as a realization dawned on her.

Penny maybe wasn't quite so wrong after all.

Penny might just be a little right about her, about Sheldon, about how she felt about the man...

Oh dear lord...she _liked_ Sheldon Cooper.

To be continued...in...The Relationship Expansion!

A/N: And yay! Claire is now conscious of the fact that she _likes_ Sheldon! ;) ;) That's at least one half down, one more to go right? :) It'll be a little tricky for her from that point on though, will she continue to dwell on 'liking' him or will she realize that it might be a bit more than that? We'll have to wait and see :)

And...we'll be getting a special treat! This series is usually updated with a chapter, then we have a 2 day break, and then another chapter. BUT! JUST for the end of one story and start of another, we'll be getting the very next story and its first chapter tomorrow! From there we'll still be continuing the 2-day thing afterwards on the date it should be posted. For example, as I posted a chapter today, technically the next chapter should be Monday. So what I'll be doing is posting the next story/chapter tomorrow, and then we'll only have a 1-day break, and the continuing chapter on that Monday. From there it'll stick with the 2-day break between chapters ;) Just thought it would be good to not make you wait for the next story ;)

Now this story is over! O.O It went by so fast! Lol :) So I wanted to take a second to just thank you guys, all of you, anyone that read/reviewed/favorited/followed/anything this story. I'm really so glad that you're enjoying it and are liking Claire so far :) It really means a lot to me and I'll do my best to continue to give you some good stories to come. I love you guys so much :')

Some notes on reviews...

Nope, once Sheldon and Claire get together I don't think either one would let the other go ;)

I like the pairing name :) I'm actually going to post a note about it on the first chapter of the next story asking for suggestions for pairing names and then make a poll for a vote to make it official :) I'm really glad that Howard toned it down as the show went on, Bernadette really changed him for the better :)

Claire and Will will have a sort of rough start, she dislikes him for the sole reason that Sheldon dislikes him, but once he and Will become some-what friends, she'll warm up to him. Some of their interactions might come across, to Sheldon, as being more serious or flirty than they actually are, which might be interesting to see his reactions and what he says/thinks about it to Amy without realizing he probably shouldn't be complaining about his unhappiness another girl is with another guy to his girlfriend };)

I was debating having Leonard get his party too, but the ending felt more like what Leonard would want/be comfortable with, just his good friends instead of a loud, packed room full of drunk strangers :) But Claire definitely brought up the kiss here ;) Claire and Penny will very much sort of nudge each other's relationships in the future yup ;)


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